21 Tips For Stay-At-Home Moms Whose Husbands Don’t Appreciate Them

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Being a stay-at-home mom can be difficult, especially when you don’t get the necessary support from your husband.

Perhaps it seems to you that he doesn’t recognize or appreciate all the things you do around the house and for your family. He takes you for granted.

So what can you do to make him realize your hard work, effort, and sacrifices?

How can you get more support from your husband?

How can you change your mindset toward the situation and your husband?

And how can you keep your marriage strong in spite of all the challenges having kids can pose?

Let’s get to answering these questions.

1. Get him to be a stay-at-home dad for a change.

It’s easy to think that staying at home with the kids is the easier option versus a day of commuting and working. But anyone who has ever done both will attest to how it is actually the other way around, especially when the children are young and need constant looking after and entertaining.

So, ask your husband to take a day off work and do what you do on a daily basis: look after the kids and take care of the household.

Show him that your job starts when you wake up and ends when you go to sleep. You can’t clock out at 5 in the afternoon and just put your feet up. You are on call all day – and often at night too.

He’ll soon realize how utterly exhausting it is to be a stay-at-home parent, which should make him value you and all that you do.

2. Don’t be the only caregiver even when your husband is home.

Maybe your husband occasionally takes the kids out and gives you some peace, but he should be more involved as a parent when he’s home.

As a stay-at-home mom, you are available to your kids 24/7, but you shouldn’t be the only caregiver. Your husband should be involved in the kids’ lives whenever he has the time.

There are probably things that you do together as a family, but your husband could sometimes replace you in things you usually do, such as helping with the homework, buying clothes, or talking to the teachers.

3. Show your husband that you work hard to keep the place looking nice.

When your husband gets home from work and finds the place looking exactly the way he left it, let him know that it’s not magic that makes the house clean; it’s your hard work.

If he never sees what you do and you don’t talk about it, it’s understandable that he can’t appreciate it. So, let him know what you have been doing around the house and let him see it whenever he’s home.

Once he becomes more aware of how you spend your days, he will be able to appreciate you more.

On one workday, you might even want to try NOT tidying everything away and cleaning things up. When your husband gets home, he’ll see just what a bomb site the house becomes if you’re not constantly working to keep it looking nice.

4. Give your husband house chores.

If your husband doesn’t have many chores, give him some! Maintaining the house and taking care of the children isn’t your job alone. After all, it’s his house and these are his children too.

So, he should be more involved in household responsibilities and your kids’ lives. Maybe you could occasionally cook together, or he could do the dishes while you do the laundry.

Just because he goes to work, doesn’t mean that he is free to relax when he’s home! Make him do his part in raising your kids and keeping the house clean, just like you do yours.

5. Get support from other loved ones.

Your husband is probably not the only one that you can turn to for support, so talk to your friends and family members. Maybe your parents could watch the kids and take them off your hands every once in a while, or your friend has a kid so you can arrange play dates.

Your loved ones might help you in more ways too. They could give you their advice, support, and even a helping hand when you need one. Don’t try to do everything on your own. Start involving other people in your responsibilities to find more time for yourself.

6. Help your husband understand you.

Most importantly, talk to your husband and help him understand you. Don’t bottle up your feelings or act like you can do everything for everyone without ever thinking about yourself.

Let your husband know that you need him and open up to him when you’re feeling overwhelmed. Often, when a man doesn’t value you, he is actually unaware of what you’re going through. So stop acting like you can do it all on your own.

It’s okay to need help, especially from someone who is supposed to be there for you as your life partner. Your husband is not “helping around the house and with the kids” – he is doing what he is supposed to do as a husband and a father.

If you’re struggling to communicate your point effectively or your husband is not fully taking in what you’re saying, it might be worth talking to a relationship counselor to try to resolve this issue once and for all. They’ll be able to guide the conversation and provide a safe space for you both to express yourselves.

If this is something you’re interested in, we recommend the services provided by Relationship Hero. You can connect with an experienced relationship expert from the comfort of your own home – it’s so easy and convenient.

Click here if you’d like to learn more.

7. Schedule a night off every now and then.

You deserve to have a night to yourself every now and then. You might use this time to go out or simply to pamper yourself at home. It doesn’t really matter. The important thing is that you have a night off from the kids and all the other chores.

Even if you use that time to just close your eyes and take a nap in peace, you deserve to have it. So, make sure to put it in your schedule and arrange for someone else to take the kids.

Maybe you could be free every other Saturday or Sunday night. If your husband doesn’t work on weekends, he could use that time to be more involved with the kids.

8. Connect with other stay-at-home moms.

Your loved ones can be of great help, but not as much as someone who is in the exact same situation as you are. Try to meet other stay-at-home moms and befriend them.

Not only will you get to talk to someone who completely understands where you’re coming from, but you’ll also find friends for your kids to play with. You could have coffee with another adult while your kids enjoy playing with other children!

Other stay-at-home moms could also give you some useful tips on how to find more time for yourself and get your husband to appreciate you more.

9. Set boundaries and don’t feel uncomfortable doing it.

Set healthy boundaries with your husband, your kids, and anyone else. You shouldn’t feel uncomfortable with that! Weak boundaries can cause a lot of problems, so speak up and say what you can and cannot tolerate.

Don’t be afraid to say no, even if it’s to your children. You are not just their mother, and you need to think about your own well-being too, not just theirs. So, instead of putting all your effort into making your family happy, make an effort to make yourself happy too.

10. Let your husband know when you’re exhausted.

Your husband would probably be more supportive if you let him know when you needed him the most.

When everything becomes overwhelming, and you feel exhausted, don’t pretend like you can do it all on your own. Let him know how you feel and ask him to step up and step in for you.

The more he is aware of the struggles you face day in day out, the more likely it is that he will be understanding, and ultimately, appreciative.

So, even if you are a very strong and independent woman, don’t try to act like you’re stronger than you truly are. When it’s too difficult, don’t do it all on your own. Let him take some weight off your shoulders.

11. Don’t feel guilty about not having a salary.

Stay-at-home moms sometimes feel guilty about not having a salary. But you shouldn’t.

Think about it realistically. Do you have time for a paid job? If you were to hire help around the house, how much could you earn after you’ve paid them? Do you want a job to begin with?

If you do, maybe there are some side jobs that you could try. Maybe you could write and illustrate children’s books, make toys, or earn some money selling things that you don’t need anymore.

However, if you don’t want a paying job, that’s perfectly fine too. You already have a full-time job, and you’re not asking for money. Just a little appreciation. You should certainly get that.

12. Help your husband find more time for you.

Start making plans with your husband and work on a new schedule together. He should know when you would like to have time for yourself, and it should fit with his schedule too.

Most importantly, he should find time just for you as well. You are parents, but you are also partners, lovers, and a couple. Don’t forget that. Make the effort to act like a husband and a wife again.

You need some time just for the two of you, and your husband should make you feel like a woman, not just a mother and a wife.

13. Don’t feel guilty when your kids don’t behave well.

When it’s your job to raise the kids right, you can start feeling like a failure whenever they misbehave.

Don’t!

You are doing the best you can, and you can’t control your kids so much that they act perfectly all the time anyway. They are kids, and they are always going to misbehave, no matter how great of a job you’re doing raising them.

Cut yourself some slack and remind yourself that you’re only human.

14. Remind your husband that you are his wife, not just a mother.

Your husband might currently see you as the mother of his kids and not much more. Remind him that you’re still a woman, and his wife, not just a mom.

Try to rekindle the passion, get the spark back, and act like a couple again. You should have romance in your marriage, and you still need some one-on-one time without the kids. Your husband should still try to seduce you, which brings us to the next important tip.

15. Ask him to take you out on dates.

You and your man should still go on dates. Even though you are married and have kids, you should still act like a couple and work on falling in love with each other all over again.

So, ask your husband to take you out on dates. You could have a date night every week or every other week, and it could get your husband to appreciate you more.

He will be reminded that you’re the woman he loves, not just someone who makes sure that the kids are fed and that the house is not falling apart.

16. Ask him for more alone time.

When you need alone time, ask for it. If your husband can’t take the kids, he could find someone who can.

Don’t feel guilty about needing some time away from your family. You love your husband and your kids, but you also need to love yourself. When you’re taking care of so many people, you can forget to take care of yourself. So find the time to do that.

17. Appreciate him more and set an example.

Your husband probably does a lot of things too, so start appreciating him more. Acknowledge the things he does and show him appreciation. That includes being grateful for the paid job he does – it probably causes a lot of stress and takes a lot of energy too, even if it might be easier than being a full-time mom and homemaker.

Set a good example. Give him what you want from him. He will likely reciprocate and appreciate you more.

18. Don’t expect the worst from him.

We often get what we expect, so try to expect the best from your man, not the worst. If you always expect him to let you down, he probably will.

Remind yourself of his positive sides and all the things he does for you, and start expecting the best. If you’re bitter, resentful, and don’t even think that he can improve, he can probably sense that, and it might be the very reason why he doesn’t feel like trying to make you happy.

19. Consider paid childcare.

Ultimately, you could make your life easier by opting for paid childcare for your kids. If money is not the problem, don’t try to do it all on your own just because you think that you have to. You don’t. You can be a stay-at-home mom and still need someone else to look after your child some of the time. There’s no shame in that.

If you can afford help, just think about how much time it would give you for other things that you want to do with your life.

20. Dress up and feel like a woman again.

When you’re a mom, you can start being only that – a mother. So, remind yourself that you are a woman and feel sexy again.

Dress up every now and then, put on makeup, and go to a hairdresser. When you have to take care of the kids and the house, working on your physical appearance could drop to the bottom of your list of priorities. But it shouldn’t. When you look good, you feel good, so make yourself feel better by dressing up and putting effort into looking great.

21. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

A lot of stay-at-home moms feel embarrassed to ask for help, but you most certainly shouldn’t.

To be more than just a stay-at-home mom, you need someone to take your place from time to time, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

Accept any help that you can get, and don’t feel guilty about not being with your kids every second of every day. That’s normal, and you deserve to have a life outside of the household.

Still not sure how to get your husband to value your role as a stay-at-home mom? It can be frustrating and upsetting to feel like what you bring to the family is less than what he brings because you don’t get paid for looking after the kids and home. To get past this feeling – either by yourself or as a couple – it helps to seek impartial advice from an experienced relationship expert. So why not chat online to one of the experts from Relationship Hero who can help you figure things out. Simply click here to chat.

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About Author

Ana Vakos enjoys writing about love and all the problems that come with it. Everyone has experiences with love, and everyone needs dating advice, so giving these topics more attention and spreading the word means a lot to her.