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Getting over someone after a breakup is a difficult thing to go through.
When you’re feeling miserable and you’re missing your ex, you’re naturally going to wonder whether they’re out there feeling the same way.
You’d like to think your ex is struggling to get over you as much as you are over them, but the harsh truth is that they might have moved on already.
To go through a breakup is bad enough, but if you reach out and find your ex is cold or doesn’t respond at all to your attempts to reconcile, you’ll end up feeling even worse than you already do.
To help yourself move on, sometimes it’s better to face the facts and realize that he might not be missing you in the same way you’re missing him. You don’t want to get stuck pining over a guy who doesn’t care, and facing up to this reality might be exactly the motivation you need to move on.
It’s a horrible thing to realize that your ex may have already left your relationship behind him, especially when it still feels so raw for you, but if you’re going to allow yourself to feel happy again you have to stop living in the past and start concentrating on a future without him.
To stop yourself wasting any more of your time feeling miserable and missing an ex who’s not coming back, keep reading to wake yourself up to some of the common signs that he’s not missing you and you’re better off without him.
1. He barely responds to your messages.
It’s difficult to go from talking to your ex so often to not being in contact at all after a breakup. While you get used to the new situation, you might decide to reach out to him to have the familiarity of being in touch again and to find out if he’s missing you too.
The way your ex responds can tell you a lot about how he’s feeling. And it comes down to more than just what he says. If he does reply but his message is cold, short, and difficult to continue a conversation from, then you can assume that he isn’t missing you as much as you hoped he was.
If he doesn’t respond to you at all, then he’s giving a clear sign that he’s wanting to move on and no longer feels the need to be in contact. If he’s able to switch off his feelings and ignore your message, or is too distracted to reply, then you aren’t the priority to him that you once were.
Don’t make the situation harder for yourself by continually reaching out to someone who doesn’t want to talk to you. It will only bring you down and prevent you from finding the closure you need
2. He doesn’t contact you at all.
If your ex hasn’t made any effort to get in touch with you, it’s better to take this as a sign that your relationship is over.
When we like someone a lot, it’s easy to make excuses for their lack of communication – you tell yourself they’re busy, or trying to see if you’ll message first, or maybe they’ve lost their phone. You do this because you don’t want to admit to yourself that they might just not be as interested in you anymore as you want them to be.
If you’ve broken up recently, he might be avoiding talking to you because he’s still trying to get over your relationship, or he may just want to move on with his life. Either way, it’s best not to wait around for him. If he was missing you and wanted to talk to you, he could. If he’s not reaching out, then you shouldn’t either. Instead, try to focus on friends and family who are making the effort to be there for you.
3. He avoids social situations he knows you’ll be in.
If you have the same group of friends or colleagues, it can be difficult to avoid your ex and know how to act around each other when you are in the same place.
If you’re missing them, social or work events become an opportunity where you can easily meet each other again and see if there is any hint of chemistry left between you.
If your ex suddenly stops attending gatherings he’d usually be at, it could be a sign he’s missing them to avoid you on purpose.
He might be avoiding you to make the separation easier on you both, to save you from more heartache by being in the same room again. He may not want to be around you because he doesn’t want to be reminded of your relationship, or he’s just prioritizing something else.
If he’s noticeably absent from group situations where he knows you’ll be, he’s making an active choice to not be there. Take this as a sign that he wants to be apart and doesn’t want to be around you as much as you might think.
4. He’s dismissive of you.
If you do have to be around your ex after you’ve broken up, notice how he interacts with you to see if there are signs that he’s already moving on.
If he’s dismissive of you, cutting your conversations short, and keeping your interactions to a minimum, then take it as a sign that he’s not missing you or your relationship anymore.
By not engaging in conversation or bothering to ask about you, he’s showing that he’s not interested in details about your life or missing your company. You should never feel inferior or disrespected, especially by someone you once loved, so try to avoid situations with your ex that make you feel this way.
Focus on building up confidence in yourself again, staying away from people (including your ex) who make you feel bad. Try your best to only surround yourself with people who bring positivity to your life.
5. He’s returned your things and wants his back.
Over the course of a relationship, you’re going to start accumulating bits and pieces of each other’s belongings. A toothbrush left at their apartment, a borrowed hoodie, photos of you together, presents you’ve given each other, all mount up into a collection of relationship mementos.
After a breakup, these objects can become a reminder of an ex you’d rather forget. But if you’re missing your ex, these objects can be a comfort to you, helping you feel as though you’re still connected to them in some way.
If your ex asks for his belongings back and gives you yours, it’s a sign he wants to cut all ties and fully move on from your relationship. He doesn’t want to hold onto a piece of you and your relationship, or for you to do the same with his belongings. He wants a fresh start and is encouraging you to do the same.
6. He looks like he’s living his best life.
When you were together with your ex, he might have spoken about things he hoped he’d do one day – maybe a trip or a future goal he always wanted to achieve.
Although he never made these dreams a reality while you were together, now you’re broken up, you might see him accomplish some of the things he always said he would and look as though he’s living the life he always wanted.
Just because he looks like he’s having the time of his life, all may not be exactly how it seems. If you’re getting updates through shared friends or social media, then you’re only even going to get part of the whole picture.
But by putting himself out there and achieving some of those dreams he always said he would, it’s clear that he’s not sitting at home missing you but rather out in the world trying to make new memories.
If he’s concentrating on his own life and making it the one he always wanted to lead rather than focusing on you, then take it as a sign that you should do the same.
7. His friends and family have cut contact with you.
When you’re in a relationship, your partner’s friends and family can start to feel like an extension of your own, especially if you spend a lot of time around them as a couple.
In a breakup, you’re not just breaking up with your ex, but also with everyone and everything that came with him. It can be hard to move on from being close to your ex’s loved ones when you’ve grown to care for them, and you might hope to keep in contact even after the breakup and be able to hear about how your ex is doing through them.
If his friends and family members start being cold and dismissive, this could be a representation of how your ex is feeling towards you. If he was missing you and regretting the breakup, it’s likely you’d hear about it from those close to him and they’d encourage you to give the relationship another chance.
If they’re treating you like a stranger, it’s because that’s how your ex wants them to react to you and his friends and family are always going to put their relationship with him before any relationship they built with you.
8. He doesn’t react when you start dating.
Even if you’ve not heard anything from your ex since you broke up, the time when they are most likely to reach out is when they hear that you’ve started dating again.
Your ex may not have fully considered the reality of breaking up with you when it happened. Hearing that you’re dating again might bring the situation into sharper focus for them as they realize that losing you completely to someone else is now a very real possibility.
It’s at this point that you might get an unexpected message from your ex out of the blue or be invited to meet in person because he wants to know how you’ve been and tells you he’s been missing you.
But what if that doesn’t happen? What if you know that he knows you’re dating again and you still hear nothing from him?
If he hasn’t reached out before this point and isn’t now, then it’s likely you’re not going to hear from your ex again. If the possibility of losing you for good to someone else doesn’t cause him to react, then it shows that this scenario doesn’t affect him like it once would have. He’s not fighting to get you back because he doesn’t want to and thinks it’s best you keep going your separate ways.
You shouldn’t date other people to try to get your ex’s attention and make them jealous. When other people’s feelings are involved, it’s not fair to use your new relationships as bait and pretend your heart is in it when it’s not. If your ex hasn’t reached out by now, then that isn’t the relationship you should be concentrating on and you should consider giving someone new a real chance.
9. He tells you it’s “not you, it’s him.”
“It’s not you, it’s me” is a classic breakup line that people use to end a relationship when they don’t have a real reason to give for their decision. Using this line to break up with you is a sign that your ex had already moved on from your relationship in his mind by that point.
This decision wasn’t made without thought or as a result of an impulse. Your ex knew what he was doing when he broke up with you and knew he wouldn’t be coming back. By saying that the problem rested with him, he put you in a position where there was nothing you could have said or done to keep the relationship going.
It’s always worse for the person who is broken up with rather than those actually calling the relationship off because it’s a shock to you and not them. You still have to process all the emotions of a breakup, whereas he’s been preparing for this moment and is deliberately choosing himself and leaving you behind.
10. He’s not flirting with you anymore.
If you and your ex always enjoyed a flirty relationship, this flirtatiousness can continue long after you’ve called your relationship off.
Just because you’re not together, you can still miss the chemistry you had with each other and be tempted to flirt for a bit of fun.
When your ex stops flirting back, you know that whatever sexual attraction you did have for each other is now done with. He’s not missing the familiarity and fun you used to share because he’s no longer trying to recreate a flirty atmosphere when you’re together.
It’s a sign he no longer wants to encourage the chemistry that is there between you and that he wants to leave whatever you had in the past.
11. He doesn’t involve you in big life changes.
When you break up with someone, you go from being involved in every part of each other’s lives to not talking to each other at all.
It can be a strange adjustment to make when a relationship is over to accept that it’s no longer your place to offer support and advice to each other when at one time you were so reliant on it. For some couples, even after they break up, they might find themselves keeping in contact and involving each other in major life decisions out of habit.
If you find out that your ex has made a big life change, perhaps a move or change of career that you knew nothing about, it’s a sign that he’s learnt to make decisions for himself and wants to trust his own thoughts rather than hearing yours.
He’s not reaching out to you for reassurance because he misses you, he’s getting on with his life and making the big decisions on his own. He doesn’t want to look back, but wants to focus on his future, making the right choices for him and new memories without you.
12. He’s blocked you on social media.
Social media can give you a snapshot into someone’s life and help you still feel connected with a person even when they’re not around. It may only show you what a person wants you to see, but it’s still a way of checking in on someone, especially if you’re missing them.
If you know that you and your ex still follow each other on social media, it can be tempting to tailor your feed, knowing they’ll see it and use comments to stay in touch with each other.
If he’s blocked you, he doesn’t want you to be checking up on him or communicating with him through his feed. He also doesn’t want to see what you’re up to or have the chance to reach out.
He’s clearly not missing you so much that he’s scrolling through your latest posts, he’s cutting contact to have a clean start and get on with his life away from you and forcing you to do the same.
13. He’s blocked your number.
Blocking someone’s number is final and irreversible. It makes a clear statement that you no longer want to be in contact.
If your ex has blocked your number, he’s sending a message that what you had is over and he doesn’t want anything to do with you anymore. He doesn’t want to think about you or reminisce about your relationship. Instead, he’s making the decision to focus on starting anew.
Blocking someone has a brutal finality, and if he’s willing to do that and cut you out of his life completely, it’s best not to waste your time missing him or convince yourself he’s missing you.
14. He’s moved on with someone new.
There’s nothing more final to make you accept that your ex is over you than seeing him move on with someone else.
It might be a fling, something that won’t last or rival what you had together, but whatever happens in his new relationship, he’s showing that he’s ready to focus all his attention on someone else.
Now he’s in a new relationship, he’s going to create even more distance between him and you. This new relationship will be his priority and he won’t be thinking about missing you because he has someone else to think about now. Don’t torture yourself by watching his new relationship unfold, but take this as the closure you need to accept what you once shared is over.
It’s a horrible feeling to realize that your ex is moving on without you. It doesn’t matter how old you are, how long you were together, or how many relationships you’ve been in, it will always hurt to feel like your ex no longer misses you.
Everyone takes a different amount of time to get over a relationship, and just because your ex is moving on with his life already and you are struggling doesn’t mean you didn’t mean as much to him as he did to you.
But realizing he’s not coming back – as hurtful and difficult as this might be to accept – could be the motivation you need to finally move on from him.
Stop focusing all your energy on someone who doesn’t miss you and instead try to channel it back into getting to know yourself again. Find what makes you happy and stop running after someone who will only bring you down.
You deserve to be with someone who loves you, cherishes you, and misses you when you’re not together. You’ll never find them if all your focus is on the wrong person, so start helping yourself look forward to a brighter future by no longer checking back on someone from your past.
Are you struggling to move on and accept that the relationship is over? It’s not an easy situation to be in, and it might be all the more difficult if you don’t have anyone to talk to about it. Talking to someone is a great way to get your thoughts and your worries out of your head so you can work through them.
We really recommend you speak to an experienced relationship expert rather than a friend or family member. Why? Because they are trained to help people in situations like yours. They can listen to you and offer tailored advice to help you process the breakup and get to a better place emotionally.
A good place to get help is the website Relationship Hero – here, you’ll be able to connect with a relationship counselor via phone, video, or instant message.
While you can try to work through this situation yourself, it may be a bigger issue than self-help can fix. And if it is affecting your mental well-being, it is a significant thing that needs to be resolved.
Click here if you’d like to learn more about the service Relationship Hero provide and the process of getting started.
You may also like:
- 11 Tips To Move On From A Relationship Without Closure
- 18 Ways To Cope When Your Ex Moves On (And You Haven’t!)
- How Long Does It Take To Get Over A Breakup? 11 Factors That Make A Difference
- How To Use The No Contact Rule After A Breakup With An Ex
- Dating Again After A Breakup: How Long Should You Wait?
- Why Do Breakups Hurt So Much? The Pain Of A Relationship Ending.