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Sometimes you love your partner more, and sometimes you love them less. That’s normal.
However, when you feel like you’ve lost the loving feelings you had for them, it can be alarming.
How can you feel the way you did before when you were crazy about them? Can lost feelings ever come back? With a little effort, they most certainly can!
Here’s what you can do to make lost feelings come back, regardless of the reasons why they went away.
1. Don’t be too critical.
You might find yourself being overly critical of your partner and too aware of their flaws. This could result in frustration over things that really aren’t that big of a deal.
For instance, you could become annoyed by the way your partner talks. You could get frustrated because they breathe too loudly. Every little imperfect thing about them could start annoying you like it’s intolerable. In reality, of course, it’s really not that bad.
You could even start counting their mistakes and preparing a fight with them over everything they did wrong. The thing is, your partner probably didn’t change, and they always did those things that now annoy you. You just didn’t pay attention to them because you were in love.
So why are you overly critical now?
The reason might be a simple case of projection related to your childhood or past relationships. You expect your partner to make the same mistakes that people in your past made. And you even provoke them to make them. Problems start to feel familiar and the little voice in your head tells you that you’ve been right to expect the worst from your partner.
The truth is, things are probably not as bad as your mind makes you think. Try being objective and seeing your partner the way they are. Talking to a therapist could help you resolve any issues from your past that are making you criticize your partner.
Try being more compassionate toward your partner and look at their shortcomings as part of what makes them who they are.
2. Remember everything that you love about them.
Even if you don’t love your partner anymore, surely there are things that you love about them. Maybe they always give you support, you love their smile, or they never judge you. Whatever it is, recall all the things that you admire about your partner.
If you like that they’re adventures, try new activities together. If you like their sense of humor, be playful when you talk to them. Highlight their good qualities and fall in love with them again.
Use the things that you like about them to plan activities that could put those things in the spotlight. Instead of focusing on things that you don’t like about your partner, put all your energy into noticing everything that’s great about them.
You might even find some things that you didn’t pay attention to so far. Don’t neglect to see everything that makes your partner a great and lovable person.
3. Relive happy memories.
You used to care about your partner, so how were things different back then? Think about your relationship and recall all the happy memories that you’ve shared. Did you treat each other differently?
Things can be the way they were, and no one’s stopping you from reliving your happy memories! Whether it’s a fun activity you used to share, a romantic date you went on, or a delicious new meal you tried, you can do it again now.
Recreating these situations could remind you why you cared about your partner the first time these situations happened. You might feel that way again! Going on dates and recreating memories is good for your relationship, even if it doesn’t manage to make you fall in love with your partner again.
You should keep in mind that there’s no love potion that could make you instantly care about your partner the way you used to. It’s not going to happen that fast. Be patient enough to put continuous effort into bringing back those lost feelings.
4. Show them respect and appreciation.
Maybe you can’t love your partner’s shortcomings right now, but you can certainly accept them. Just because the feelings are lost, doesn’t mean that respect and appreciation are gone as well.
Show them respect and appreciate the things that they do for you. Give them compliments and mention that you’ve noticed things they did for you when they do them. For instance, saying “Thank you. I noticed you washed the dishes, and I appreciate it” shouldn’t feel awkward.
Don’t be disrespectful to your partner just because you don’t feel the same way anymore. Make a conscious choice to show them respect and appreciation and you’ll be working toward loving them in the process.
Whatever you do, don’t treat your partner badly because you think the love is gone. However they may have contributed to your declining feelings for them, don’t punish them for it. Treat them well even if you think that your relationship is over. After all, it’s not over yet and they don’t deserve to be treated poorly by someone they care about.
Don’t forget that they probably still love you even if you don’t love them. If you’re not careful, they might give up on the relationship before you do if they sense how big of a problem that is.
5. Treat them with kindness.
Kindness is not love, but it’s a great gateway feeling that sometimes leads to love. So, treat your partner with kindness if you can’t treat them with love.
People feel more in love when they take more loving actions. When you talk to your partner, try to be kind when you express yourself and your feelings. This calms things down even during big arguments.
Being loving and generous toward your partner pays off. Not only does it make you feel good about yourself, but it also allows your partner to get closer to you. When you are kind, you are also more compassionate toward your significant other. Compassion can also increase feelings of attraction and interest.
When you’re in a relationship, nothing makes sense as much as treating your partner with kindness. It strengthens your bond. After all, a relationship without kindness is not worth staying in anyway. Make an effort to be kind to your partner, and you might get those lost feelings to come back all on their own. Don’t forget that kindness can easily turn to love!
6. Support their interests.
Even though you and your partner are in a relationship, you are still separate individuals with separate interests. These interests might be what made you fall in love with your partner to begin with. So, don’t hold them back. Support their interests and encourage them to have a life outside of the relationship.
They should be allowed to have a private life that you’re not a part of, and you should show interest in learning more about it. Your partner might even surprise you with some things that you didn’t know about them. These things could make you fall for them all over again.
So, encourage them to talk about their interests and to pursue their passions. Show your support by giving them small gifts related to their interests that could motivate them to keep improving in what they’re good at.
You could even find new common interests or start pursuing existing common interests together. People often connect because they are passionate about the same things. Find out what it is that both you and your partner are passionate about. Figure out how you could turn it into a fun, regular activity that you could do together.
7. Start dating them again.
Start treating your partner the way you did when you first started dating. Take them on actual dates and do all the things you used to do when you were trying to seduce them. Give them compliments, give them all of your attention, show physical affection, and create a romantic atmosphere.
You could even set a day that will from now on be known as “date night” – every Friday night, for example. For your date, you don’t have to go out every time. By all means, visit all your favorite restaurants and do all the things that you used to do when you first started dating. But, keep in mind that date night doesn’t have to be a big deal. It could be a night of eating pizza and watching movies in your pajamas.
As long as you’re together enjoying each other’s company, it counts as a date! Don’t hesitate to come up with something more romantic though. Surprise your partner by planning the best date ever. Put effort into winning them over again, and your feelings might come back! Sometimes, you just have to “fake it till you make” and it will be hard to resist falling in love when you’re in a beautiful, romantic atmosphere.
8. Try new things.
How do you create sparks when you first fall for someone? Often, it is about the adventure of trying new things and being willing to do that. So, a great way to fall in love again is to explore new things that you could do together.
Do things that make you feel alive, and make sure to do them together. You could even write a list of all the things that you never tried but wanted to and ask your partner to do the same. Start crossing things off your list and sharing exciting new experiences together!
Put things that you might not have thought about till now on the list too. For instance, would you like to try bungee jumping? Making a four-course meal? Driving in a limo? Creating your own cocktail? Share these experiences and the sparks should start flying!
With all the daily responsibilities it can be hard to find time for fun. However, make sure to make time because your relationship depends on it.
9. Talk to them about real things.
A lot of couples have problems communicating, and this is a very important part of any relationship. The way you communicate could make your relationship flourish or doom it. So, take some time to think about the communication in your relationship.
If you haven’t talked about personal things for a long time, this is the first thing that you need to make that lost love come back. Make an effort to have long conversations about real, important things and talk about them in depth. Don’t just talk about what you’re going to do or engage in small talk. Talk about what’s on your mind, how you feel, your hopes, fears, and dreams.
Show interest in what your partner is talking about and ask them questions to get to know each other better. Even if you’ve been together for a very long time, there’s still more you could learn about one another. You might even be surprised when your partner starts sharing their thoughts with you. It could make you fall in love with them again!
10. Make compromises.
If you’ve been in a relationship with your partner for a while, you probably have some prepared answers for the suggestions they make. You often refuse to do things without even considering them.
So, work on this and learn to compromise. When your partner suggests something, don’t just say “no” right away or stick to your suggestion. Give it some thought before responding. See if somehow both of you could get what you want. Your partner will appreciate that you at least thought about their suggestion before rejecting it.
Making compromises could significantly improve your relationship. It could also open the doors to fun new experiences. So, remember what you’ve read earlier and be willing to try new things with your partner. If you become more open to their suggestions, your relationship will likely improve.
11. Don’t play mind games.
Don’t make snide comments, beat around the bush, and play mind games with your partner. This could doom your relationship, and your partner could stop loving you too.
Don’t do things just to get back at them for something or cause petty arguments. Be straightforward and leave the games for when you’re just teasing each other.
Try to be honest with your partner instead of messing with their head. Don’t count their mistakes or wait for them to make the wrong move. Don’t always try to prove them wrong or cause a fight over something that could be resolved through honest communication.
Mind games make relationships toxic. And there’s little room for healthy love in an unhealthy relationship. Once your relationship becomes healthier, it will be easier for your love to naturally return at its own pace.
Communicate with your partner honestly and openly about your wants and needs instead of making them read your mind. It’s only natural that you get disappointed if you expect them to be a mind reader.
12. Show physical affection.
You and your partner will feel more connected if you don’t neglect intimacy in your relationship. Be affectionate and show your feelings for your partner by engaging in gentle touches. If you’ve been distant from them and too busy and stressed out to express affection, it’s only natural that you lost love.
Perhaps when you do show physical affection, you don’t slow down to enjoy it. It’s more like a routine. And this is not just about sex. Physical affection can be shown by hugging more often, holding hands, kissing, and other gentle touches. If you don’t do these things anymore, you’re letting your relationship fail.
Showing your partner affection will certainly help bring back your feelings for them. It will definitely make them feel more loved too. As you already learned, sometimes you have to fake it till you make it. Share intimacy with your partner, and you’ll grow closer to them again.
13. Have a life outside of the relationship.
Just like you should support your partner’s interests, you should have your own interests and a private life outside of the relationship. When you spend time away from your partner, it will be easier to appreciate the time that you do get to spend together.
Engage in activities that make you feel good and work on finding your happiness on your own. Once you’re happier with your life, it will be easier to love again.
In addition, your partner might join you in some of the activities that you want to try. Having a hobby that you could practice together will bring you closer to each other. Have you always wanted to try painting? Do you want to get fit and join the gym? Is there something that you would like to collect? Are there any new skills that you would like to learn?
Remind yourself of the person you were when you first fell in love with your partner. Think about the things that you used to do to make yourself happy then, but don’t stop there. While you should return to old hobbies that you still like, don’t be afraid to expand your horizons and learn something new.
14. Be honest with them.
You probably used to be honest with your partner. But now you keep a lot of things to yourself and feel uncomfortable sharing them with your partner. This could ruin your relationship, and it’s certainly no way to bring back lost love.
Recall the time when you felt like you could tell your partner everything and try to feel that way again. Share things with them, whether it’s the details of your days or your plans for the future. Make an effort to be honest with them and include them in your life.
There should be no taboos in a healthy relationship. So, try to be comfortable telling your partner everything. An honest relationship is one that stands the best chance of thriving. If you instead lie to your partner and keep them in the dark about what’s going on with you, your relationship will be doomed.
Try to be honest with them and encourage them to be honest with you too. Don’t get mad at them when they’re honest with you. Make them feel like they could tell you anything. Also, try to understand where they’re coming from every time they do tell you something.
15. Trust each other.
The reason you don’t love your partner anymore might be because you don’t trust them. If you allow your suspicions to consume you, they will. So, try to stop yourself from distrusting your partner. Even if they gave you a reason not to trust them, your relationship can’t work without trust.
So, if you want to save your relationship, work on your trust issues. What caused you to stop trusting your partner? Is there something they could do to help you trust them again? Don’t be afraid to tell them about it!
Figure out how you could fix this on your own too. It might be difficult without someone helping you. So consider talking to a therapist about it. Your trust issues might have roots in your past, and a therapist could help you get to the bottom of it. If these issues are preventing you from loving your partner like you’d like to, don’t ignore them because they won’t go away on their own.
16. Try couples counseling.
If you are both willing to work on your issues and bring back the love in your relationship, consider couples counseling. Couples counseling can encourage you to make the changes that need to be made and help you find ways to do it. Talking to a counselor can also help you identify the things that you need to work on to bring back lost feelings.
It can help you improve your communication skills as well. This will make it significantly easier for the two of you to take it from there.
In order for the counseling to be successful, you will need to be honest with each other. If you’re not ready for that yet, it might be best to talk to a therapist on your own before involving your partner. You need someone to vent to, and that someone should not be critical of you or judge you. That is why it’s best to consider talking to a therapist. They’ll be objective, and you don’t have to be afraid of telling them whatever it is that’s on your mind.
Whether you want to give couples counseling a shot or you just want to discuss your own thoughts and feelings about the relationship with an impartial therapist, we recommend the online service from Relationship Hero. You can connect with someone who has experience helping individuals and couples through situations just like yours. And you can do so from wherever you are in the world via video, phone, or instant message.
Click here to learn more.
17. Identify whether the feelings are genuine.
Once the lost love comes back, how will you know that it is real love and not just a sign of loneliness or settling? Well, if you truly love each other you will bring out the best in your partner, and they’ll bring out the best in you. You won’t be able to imagine hurting them, and they wouldn’t want to hurt you either.
You’ll be ready and willing to grow together as a couple, and as individuals. True love inspires you to grow and improve – it’s the opposite of settling. If you truly love each other, you will have a foundation of trust in your relationship. You won’t be afraid to be yourself around your partner, and they’ll feel free to be themselves around you.
You will make each other feel special, and you won’t have doubts about staying in the relationship. Most importantly, you will want to make things work between the two of you no matter what and regardless of how hard it gets.
You already want to make things work with your partner since you’re trying to learn how to bring back the feelings you lost. So, things aren’t over yet, and you might actually still love your partner. You just need to bring that love to life and realize how much of it is at your disposal waiting for you to share it with your partner.
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