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There’s no shame in asking for help, especially when your relationship is at stake.
People can care about each other wholeheartedly but there can still be problems that will doom their relationship if left unchecked.
In these cases, couples therapy might save the relationship from ending.
However, people don’t only need therapy when they’re on the verge of breaking up.
Relationships can work and still not be as satisfying and as healthy as you’d like them to be. Wherever there’s room to improve a relationship, couples therapy could be the key to unlocking that improvement.
Even if you can do it on your own, you don’t have to.
Don’t sweep your problems under the rug and don’t be afraid to ask for help when it could make your relationship stronger.
Here are some situations when going to couples therapy really pays off:
1. Your communication is unhealthy or poor.
Maybe you feel ignored by your partner, they misinterpret everything you say, or they don’t talk about their feelings.
Perhaps you have started to feel like strangers. You rarely communicate about anything other than things you have no other choice but to talk about.
You don’t feel heard and understood by your partner. You don’t feel connected because of the way you communicate… or don’t communicate, to be more precise.
You need to communicate more, but it also needs to be of better quality. No matter how you got into this situation, couples therapy is the way to improve your communication.
The way a couple communicates often determines how long the relationship is going to last. After all, if you can’t talk to someone, how could you possibly spend your whole life next to them?
You and your partner need to talk about much more than what you are going to do and where you’re going to go.
Your communication skills could also improve the way you fight. A skilled therapist could equip you with the tools that you need to feel connected again.
2. You feel unable to open up to your partner.
If you feel like you want to tell your partner something that they should know but you can’t bring yourself to do it, it might be easier to do it in a safe space.
Part of the therapist’s job is to create a safe, supportive space. One of the biggest benefits of going to couples therapy is exactly that. They should make you feel comfortable enough to share things with your partner – things that you might not be able to share otherwise.
The third person’s perspective and their warm presence can reassure you that you’re doing the right thing. Your partner’s reaction to what you’re telling them will be different too.
A therapist can help the two of you open up to each other and respond to opening up in a way that best benefits your relationship. You will be more willing to properly phrase what you want to say instead of hurting each other with words or refusing to listen.
When you agree to couples therapy, you agree to talk and listen to each other. You stay calm and try to be assertive even when discussing problems.
Because of all this, you’re likely to feel safer opening up in front of a therapist instead of talking to your partner one-on-one.
3. The relationship has become stale and boring.
Most long-term relationships run into the same problem – monotony.
You could be stuck in a rut to the point that you’re bored with your relationship. Your relationship lacks excitement, and you may even be considering leaving it.
Instead of feeling passionate toward your partner, you feel numb, and you can’t get yourself to engage with them. It feels like you’ve got all you can from the relationship, and now it’s the same day over and over again.
This can be a terrible feeling but doesn’t have to mean that your relationship is over. Partners can get too comfortable in a relationship and the spark can die out, but you can still change this with some effort.
Simply trying out new things could get your feelings moving in the right direction. But that alone might not be enough to get your relationship out of the rut.
That’s when couples therapy can step in and help you make your relationship exciting again.
When people get bored in a relationship, they are likely to seek excitement elsewhere. Do the opposite. You can still have a passionate, adventurous relationship that will keep you energized instead of drained.
You don’t need a new partner for this. In fact, the same boredom would likely happen again in a new relationship.
You need to learn to keep the spark alive as a couple and grow in your relationship. Even after being together for a long time, relationships require effort to flourish. And sometimes you need extra help to get to where you want to be.
4. You have poor conflict resolution skills.
How you and your partner handle conflict often indicates whether your relationship will stand the test of time.
If you or your partner get passive-aggressive and vengeful, you don’t handle conflict the way you should. Or maybe one of you shuts down while the other one lashes out. There are many more dysfunctional ways to handle conflict in a relationship.
As you know, fights are a part of every normal relationship. The way you handle conflict is crucial because one of those fights might end your relationship.
You don’t need to stop fighting, you just need to learn to communicate effectively during the fights. Keeping in mind that you’re a team even when you’re in a middle of a heated argument means that you’ll focus on finding the solution. If you instead yell at each other and use name-calling, you are just making things worse.
Couples therapy could help you adopt healthy and effective conflict resolution skills. This will change the way you fight, and it will be easier to resolve problems when they arise. As a result, your relationship will be more likely to succeed.
5. You’re fighting more frequently.
If you’ve recently started fighting more frequently, it could be the start of the road that ends with you fighting all the time.
When couples start having small arguments a lot more often than they used to, the problem is usually underneath the surface. Underlying issues can stay unaddressed for a long time and cause the relationship to slowly deteriorate.
Thankfully, couples therapy is designed to address the kinds of issues that the couple might be subconsciously choosing to ignore.
Maybe your fights aren’t even small. If you fight a lot, there might be a lot of drama and angry outbursts involved. Talking to a therapist can help you stay calm during arguments and allow you to identify the reason they’re starting to happen more often.
Perhaps your partner is going through something difficult in their personal life, or you are. This is just one more reason to talk to someone. A therapist can help you cope with what you’re going through without it negatively affecting your relationship.
If you fight more often than you used to, your relationship is getting worse instead of better. Couples therapy can help you get back on track and maintain a healthy relationship where you’ll move forward.
People often consider couples therapy only when they’re on the verge of breaking up. This is a mistake because therapy can help maintain, not just save a relationship.
In addition, you don’t need to be on the verge of breaking up for your relationship to be at risk of ending. If your fights are bad, just one of them might cause you to break up.
6. You constantly fight over the same things.
Maybe you don’t need help in identifying your problems. Instead, every fight ends the same way and brings you back to the same issue. You know what the problem is, you just don’t know how to resolve it and it constantly causes fights.
This can lead to negative conflict resolution patterns that are harder to change the longer you engage in them.
Couples therapy can help you adopt healthy conflict resolution patterns. It can also help you find new ways to approach solving your problem.
It’s always good to talk to someone objective about the issue you’re dealing with. If you can’t resolve the issue on your own and it keeps being a problem, couples therapy is the best idea.
You don’t have to solve everything on your own and sometimes you can’t. That’s okay, and it will take time to resolve your issues even with the help of a therapist.
But the odds of your relationship working out are a lot higher if you get help when you can’t deal with the problem on your own anymore.
7. They broke your trust, or you broke theirs.
Sexual infidelity, emotional cheating, lies, and deception regarding money are major issues. They can destroy trust in a relationship.
After something like this, it’s best to try couples therapy so that you both feel free to show your vulnerable side. The problem affected both of you, and you are deeply hurt. Talking about this when there’s a neutral third party involved will be a lot easier.
Relationships can survive cheating or lies, but rebuilding trust takes time and effort. Even talking about what happened would be much more comfortable for both of you when a therapist is present and guiding the conversation.
Cheating and lies also cause a lot of anger, resentment, and other negative emotions. When someone betrays your trust, you could want to forgive them but find yourself not being able to.
What happened doesn’t have to end your relationship if you want to save it. But, it might take a lot more than goodwill to get to where you want to be from here. This is why it’s best to let a therapist help you push through this.
If you’re now convinced that couples therapy is the right choice for you, we strongly recommend the online service from Relationship Hero. Click here to learn more.
8. You have unhealthy patterns.
During their everyday lives, couples develop a lot of different patterns. They can be related to when and how you sleep or eat, but they can also be about things like household chores.
Maybe there’s an unfair division of chores, or one partner constantly complains to the other. Perhaps one partner talks about their life all the time but loses interest when it’s their turn to listen.
Unhealthy patterns can include any bad behavior that keeps repeating in your relationship. The longer you persist with a certain pattern, the longer it will take to fix it.
Changing unhealthy patterns requires a lot of energy and time, and couples rarely manage to change them without help. When a problem persists in your relationship, it usually means that you’ve already tried your best to solve it on your own. So, it might be the right time to involve someone else in the problem and let them help.
Unhealthy patterns can be changed, but it requires a lot of effort. If you’re both willing to work on your relationship, show that effort by going to couples therapy.
9. You have problems with emotional or physical intimacy.
Perhaps you feel that the person who you thought was your soulmate is now more of a roommate.
When the spark is gone from your relationship after you’ve been together for a while, you must do something about it.
You deserve to have intimacy in your love life, and it shouldn’t be gone from your relationship. If it is, maybe you just need to change your priorities. Maybe other things have been occupying your attention or preventing you from connecting with your partner.
However, maybe the problem is not that simple. Maybe you and your partner have slowly been drifting apart during the time that you’ve been together. Perhaps you’ve changed to the point that you’re not a great match anymore.
There’s no doubt that problems with emotional or physical intimacy could end your relationship. When there’s a lack of intimacy, try couples counseling before you drift apart even more.
If you still want to make your relationship work, it’s your best shot. Otherwise, you might look elsewhere to get your needs met. Couples who have problems with intimacy often resort to cheating if not leaving their partner.
This doesn’t have to happen in your relationship, but you should still have a satisfying level of intimacy with your partner. You deserve that and so do they.
10. Your past traumas are damaging your relationship.
We often bring baggage from past relationships into a new one.
This is not just about romantic relationships. Past traumas could happen during childhood which then cause problems in your relationship as an adult.
Baggage could also be a consequence of bad past relationships. They can leave you with trust issues, low self-esteem, or other issues.
For instance, your partner could be overly jealous and possessive because their previous partner cheated on them. Even if the problem comes from your or their past, it involves both of you now that you’re together.
You could support your partner in getting help or get help yourself, but it’s best if you do it together. Couples therapy gives you a chance to work on the problem as a couple and show each other support. Whether it’s your past or your partner’s past that’s creating a problem in your relationship, you could identify and address the issue together.
You might wish to consider talking to a therapist separately as well, but don’t forget that you’re both dealing with the problem and it’s affecting your relationship, so joint therapy should be a part of the solution.
11. You have fallen out of love.
Maybe you love your partner but are not “in love” with them. This problem is more common than you might think.
After the honeymoon phase, the butterflies in your stomach could fly away as if they were never there.
Why does this happen? Well, maybe you started focusing on your partner’s bad qualities. Perhaps once you got to know the real them, you weren’t so infatuated as you were when they were just a mystery.
There are many reasons for falling out of love. But, it’s not impossible to bring back those butterflies if you want them to come back.
There are many things that you could do to fall back into love with your partner. Showing them affection and going on dates could be a start. But you might find it hard to make lost feelings come back on your own.
Talking to a therapist could give you a better idea of what more you could do. Consider involving your partner in the problem too. With couples therapy, you can find more ways to rekindle the passion and love between you.
12. You have been through something difficult recently.
If there are problems in your relationship because you have been through something difficult, mental health therapy or counseling can help.
A health crisis, unemployment, loss, or other big issue aren’t things you should process all on your own. While your partner can help you, it’s also good to seek professional help in dealing with difficult things in life.
They can negatively affect your relationship, and it’s hard to deal with them even without that fact. Your partner could support you through this by joining you at therapy seasons.
Maybe your partner has been through something difficult and you have tried to support them so far. Suggest therapy as one of the ways they could deal with what they’re going through.
13. You are going through a big life event.
Thankfully, big life events don’t have to be about something negative. They can be positive changes in your life.
Still, sometimes these changes come with sacrifices. They could come with other negative consequences that reflect on your love life. When you or your partner are going through a big life event, couples therapy can help.
For instance, maybe the change in your life requires one of you to move, or your partner has changed their behavior because of it. Maybe the change requires you to make a commitment or you have recently got married.
When you’re together, you’re going to encounter both good and bad times, and you’re supposed to share them. But, this can sometimes be too difficult. If you could use more support and a safe space to talk things out, try couples counseling.
It has been especially effective for couples who have recently gone through one of the biggest life events – having a baby. When you become parents, a lot of things change in your relationship. It would be good to have someone there to help you deal with these changes and remain a happy, healthy couple.
14. You are considering breaking up.
When things have gotten so bad that you don’t think they could work, couples therapy means giving your relationship one more chance.
It’s an accessible and affordable way of making sure that you did all you could, which might even save your relationship.
Couples are usually considering breaking up when they can’t resolve certain problems in their relationship. If you want to try resolving your issues one more time, use the extra help this time.
Maybe your partner doesn’t listen to you or you’re annoyed by everything they say. Maybe you have privacy issues, or your relationship stands in the way of your growth. These are all good reasons to break up, but they’re also things you can work on if you’re willing to try.
Your partner could learn to respect your privacy more, or you could find a way to grow with them. There’s always a way if you’re willing to invest enough effort and time and if you want it to work.
Couples therapy can’t make you break up. It can only help you make it work for as long as you’re willing to try.
15. You’re not sure what the problem is.
If there’s a problem in your relationship, but you’re not sure what it is, couples therapy can help you identify it.
Maybe something’s changed in your relationship, or you don’t feel so comfortable around your partner anymore. Perhaps you resent your partner but you don’t know why, or your partner can’t trust you even though you never gave them a reason not to.
In situations like that, you know something’s wrong, but you just can’t put your finger on it.
That’s when you should definitely consult with a therapist. Couples therapy could help you identify the problems and work on them together.
Sometimes, we don’t even see things that are obvious to someone else because we are too involved in the situation. The perspective of a professional could shine some light on your issues and make the solutions clear to you.
16. You want to improve your relationship.
Perhaps you’re growing apart, or you’re thinking of getting married. These are both times when couples therapy can pay off.
When your relationship is changing, or you want it to change, it’s good to have someone by your side other than your partner.
Healthy couples grow together, and your relationship is supposed to change anyway. It’s just a matter of dealing with these changes and changing for the better.
Any time you want to improve your relationship, it’s good to try all different ways to do it. This includes reading articles and self-help books and applying the knowledge. But it also includes considering therapy as an option.
Basically, any situation where you can’t find a way to overcome it on your own is a good reason to ask for the help of someone who deals with it day in and day out.
Any couple can benefit from couples therapy, it’s just a matter of how much you’re willing to invest in making your relationship the way you want it to be. It will require time and effort, but if you’re willing to put those things in, you can make your relationship succeed.
Still not sure whether couples therapy is the right choice for you? Why not at least explore the options by visiting our recommended partner Relationship Hero. You can speak to someone from wherever you are in the world and it is really is quite affordable. So why not learn more about what they offer. Simply click here to visit the website.
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