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When a person objectifies you, they don’t consider you a human being.
Instead, they consider you an object that exists to cater to their needs and wants.
To understand this better, simply imagine any object that you like. You probably like how it looks and how it makes you look. You use it when you need it, and leave it and don’t think about it when you don’t need it. It never crosses your mind that the object has its own thoughts and feelings. You don’t care how the object feels about the way you’re using it. You simply use it.
It is basically the same thing when a person objectifies another person. They’ll never consider your thoughts and feelings or even be interested in them. Instead, they’ll just like the way you look and the way you make them look.
This is a major red flag in relationships.
You don’t need a partner who will treat you as an object. You need someone who’ll like your looks, but be interested in your personality much more. They’d see you as a whole person and a human being with emotions and opinions that they need to take into consideration.
What can you do if you experience objectification at the hands of your partner?
If your partner objectifies you, they don’t truly care about you for who you are. They are only interested in what you can do for them and how you look.
Don’t let them get in your head and make you obsess over your appearance. You might become fixated on fighting off aging, losing weight, and scheduling cosmetic procedures.
Is this really what you want or what they want?
Objectification in a relationship is a sign that you should steer clear of your partner. It’s a terrible feeling when it happens to you, but luckily, it’s not that hard to notice it early on in a relationship.
1. They are focused purely on your looks.
Granted, the appearance of a person is the first thing that attracts us to them. It makes sense since it’s the first thing that we find out about them.
However, it’s the entire person that makes us fall for them and decide to get into a relationship with them. Or at least that’s how things are supposed to work.
Your partner, on the other hand, focuses solely on your looks. They’re not attracted to your personality and everything else that makes you you. They only like the way you look.
They consider you attractive, but what they feel for you isn’t healthy attraction. Instead, they consider you an object that exists to fulfill their desires. A beautiful object indeed, but an object nevertheless.
A lot of people think that only women get objectified, but this is not true. Yes, it’s most commonly a problem that women deal with, but it can happen to men too. A woman could consider a man as just a handsome body just the same as a man could consider a woman just a pretty face.
2. They rush you into being physically intimate with them.
People are supposed to get sexually involved at the time when they’re both excited about it and ready for it.
But when your partner pushes you to be physically intimate with them, it’s a major red flag.
Maybe they want you badly and can’t wait to get intimate. That’s perfectly fine. But, if you’re not ready and you said “no,” they should respect your decision and be patient enough for you to feel ready.
A person who pushes your boundaries isn’t a person you want to be with, especially when it comes to intimacy.
If your partner thinks more about what you’ll allow them to do than what you truly want, they’re bad for you. They’re objectifying you and aren’t truly interested in who you are as a person.
They might even consider spending time with you as the necessary evil to get you into bed.
3. They talk about sex too much too soon.
You probably already had experiences with people who do this. They bring up sex way too soon, and way too often.
Maybe they ask you questions about your sex life and want to know the intimate details, or they share things about their sex life. They make comments about your body in the context of sex, ask you for dirty pictures and send them too.
Sometimes, these things can be perfectly normal in a relationship. But when it happens too soon and too often, it’s something to be wary of, especially if it makes you feel uncomfortable.
People who want to be in a serious relationship with you will usually know better than to do this. They’ll take time to get to know you as a person before focusing so much on talking about sex.
A person who constantly talks about sex probably talks about the only thing that they want from you. They’re interested in your body, not your soul, and this means that they’re objectifying you.
4. They consider you a prize that they can show off.
Objectification doesn’t have to be about anything sexual. Your partner could be with you just so that they can show you off to other people.
This might not even be about the way you look. It could be about how smart and successful you are just the same. Being seen with you boosts their ego, and that’s the only reason they’re dating you.
It’s normal and flattering when your partner brags about you to their family and friends. However, if you feel like the prize that they can show off to feel better about themselves, they’re objectifying you.
You might be amazing, but you’re an amazing person, not a beautiful trophy that validates your partner’s worthiness. They make themselves look better by standing next to you, and that’s the only reason they’re doing it.
This behavior is not a foundation for a healthy relationship. It’s a type of objectifying that has little to do with how you feel and all to do with how your partner feels.
5. They see you as the things that you can offer them.
Again, this can but doesn’t have to be about sex. Your partner might see you as an object that offers them sexual pleasure. However, they could also care about what you can offer them intellectually, financially, or in any other way.
They care much more about these things than about you as a person. They’re looking to gain from a relationship with you. And they do this without stopping to think about what they can offer you in return.
Like in the earlier example, they might consider spending time with you as the necessary evil to get what you have to offer. They even evaluate your entire relationship based purely on what you could offer them.
Instead of trying to give you love, they’re looking for what you can give them, and they don’t mean love. They’re interested in your looks, your money, how much you stimulate them intellectually, or something else.
Granted, it feels nice when a relationship comes with perks like that. However, that’s all they should be – perks, not something that is the sole motivation for being in a relationship.
6. They see you as a stereotype.
Does your partner label you as a certain type of woman or man? Maybe you’re very feminine for being emotional, or very masculine for bottling up your emotions.
If they say things like these, it’s a sign you’re being objectified.
Maybe they try to label you as a certain type based on what you can offer people or how you look. They think that they’ve figured you out.
In reality, they’re actually projecting their personal beliefs onto you. They don’t see you as an individual but as an embodiment of a certain concept. This means that they’re objectifying you and aren’t really interested or even capable of getting to know the real you.
They might even see things as black and white, which is not a desirable quality in a person anyway. They should instead be able to realize your uniqueness and how special you are.
Learning more about you could help them do that. But, they probably already think that they know everything. In reality, they have no idea who you are as a person. They just think that they do because of their narrow views of people.
7. They dictate what you can do with your own body.
What you will and won’t do with your body is solely your decision to make. Don’t ever be with someone who tells you what you should eat and what you should wear.
How you take care of your body and what you do with it should be entirely up to you. This goes beyond what you eat and wear. Your partner shouldn’t tell you what you should do with your body regarding anything else either.
They don’t care about the way you feel; they only care about how you look to them. They might even start forcing you to improve your looks and make you insecure about your appearance.
Don’t let them do that.
If your partner cares more about how you look than how you feel, it is the very core of objectification. They value external qualities more than internal emotions and that’s a major red flag.
Your body is your home, and you get full control of it. No one should have any say in what you do with it unless you ask them for their opinion. Even then, they should support anything that you feel is right for you.
8. They objectify other people.
Someone who objectifies one person usually objectifies others as well. This might be easier to notice than when it’s happening to you.
You are replaceable to the person who objectifies other people because, to them, all women/men are the same. They treat all people the same – as objects that serve them a purpose.
They don’t see anything unique about you and your relationship. They just want to satisfy their immediate needs, and when they do, they move on to the next need… and, often, the next person.
They take pleasure in a sexual experience, certain body parts, or the overall appearance of a person. However, the desire doesn’t last for long. Usually, it lasts until they satisfy it.
This is especially true when it comes to men who are proven womanizers. They see women as objects that can provide them with sexual pleasure, and not much else.
9. Everything in the relationship is about them.
You are not a person to someone who objectifies you; you are the way you react to them. A relationship with someone who acts like this may seem one-sided, and it is.
Everything is about them, their life, their plans for the future, their friends and family. They only talk about themselves, and eventually, you realize that they don’t know a thing about you.
This is because they didn’t care to find out. It doesn’t cross their mind that you could have thoughts and feelings too. They know nothing about your personal life and don’t seem to care either.
All of your conversations relate back to them. When they are interested in finding out more about you, it is only when it affects them somehow.
A person who objectifies others is often also a narcissist. They only think about themselves and how others could please them, whether it’s sexually or in some other way.
10. They only care about their own sexual needs.
The person who treats you as an object won’t care about your likes in the bedroom department.
When they’re in bed with you, your role is to make them feel good and satisfy their needs. They couldn’t care less about your needs.
A person who objectifies others is usually also a selfish lover. They’ll avoid foreplay unless it’s about pleasuring them, and if it is, they won’t reciprocate. They won’t care about your pleasure during sex, they’ll focus solely on theirs.
They’ll even be in a relationship with you purely for their own sexual pleasure. They won’t explore your body to find out what you like. After all, they don’t care about your likes outside of the bedroom either.
When a person treats you this way, you shouldn’t be in a relationship with them for your own sake. You deserve someone who’ll care about your needs and wants, both outside and inside the bedroom.
11. They see people as either all good or all bad.
As already mentioned, the world your partner lives in might be black and white.
They can’t talk about other people as people who have both good and bad qualities. Instead, people they know are either good or bad. And most of the time, they’re bad.
You’ll notice that your partner talks about their friends, family, and people they work with in quite shallow terms. You already learned that they don’t see people as unique individuals. Objects are either useful to a person or not. That is how they see other people.
They’re incapable of understanding that every person is a universe of their own. This might be because they never bother to learn more about others. They’re only focused on themselves and how they could benefit from others.
Clearly, a person who thinks that way can’t be a great partner to anyone. It’s much better to find someone who can comprehend the complexity of the mind of each individual.
12. They are not empathetic.
Your partner doesn’t see another person as a whole person. They don’t learn about other people’s strengths and weaknesses and don’t even recognize them.
As already mentioned, they don’t care to find out about other people’s likes and dislikes. This means that they can’t see things from someone else’s perspective. They lack the empathy that’s necessary to make a relationship work.
You need a partner who is capable of putting themselves in your shoes and seeing things from your point of view. No one can do this all the time, but people who don’t lack empathy can do it often enough.
If your partner objectifies others, they probably can’t do it at all.
13. They’re attracted only to one aspect of your personality.
They are solely focused on certain details about you that can be considered separate from your whole personality.
For instance, maybe they love how you look in formal wear. Anyone can wear formal wear, so this is not something that’s about you as a person. It can be seen separately from who you are.
Even if they are attracted to something related to your personality, it will be only one aspect of it. Likely, it is the aspect that’s in some way useful to them.
For instance, maybe they like that you make them laugh. They don’t appreciate your sense of humor, they appreciate their own laughter and having a fun time.
When a person doesn’t like or even know your whole personality, they’re not a good partner for you. You’re likely just an object to them.
14. They don’t really listen to you.
You want to create a genuine connection with your partner by talking about your common interests, thoughts, and hobbies.
However, you rarely have a real conversation with them. If they can’t relate to what you are saying, they aren’t even going to listen.
You don’t feel heard in the relationship because it’s pretty one-sided. They aren’t interested in your world; they’re only interested in what affects them.
They’re capable of talking about themselves for hours and letting you just smile and nod. Afterward, they’d tell you that they had an amazing time with you.
However, when it’s your turn to talk, they zone out or get distracted. Unless of course, what you’re saying affects them or is related to them in some way.
Without proper communication, you can’t feel a genuine connection with them. You don’t even notice genuine interest, and a relationship like that definitely can’t work or be good for you.
15. They compliment you only on your looks.
Your partner might be incredibly charming even if they objectify you. They could shower you with flattering compliments every time they see you.
However, these compliments will only be related to how you look on the outside.
Your inside world doesn’t interest them, and they’re not attracted to your personality. They only like you for the way you look and care about how aesthetically pleasing you are to them.
Someone who objectifies a person is often overly interested in the person’s body. As already mentioned, they might even force you to improve your looks even more.
This isn’t always as obvious as you might think. It could start with a compliment like “You look beautiful…” and then there’s the “but.”
So, in the end you hear “You look beautiful, but you would look even better if you lost some weight.”
They might even be straightforward and add, “Why don’t you join the gym to look sexier for me?”
You aren’t supposed to look anyhow for them. Take care of your looks for you, if that’s what you want. If it’s not, don’t do it to please them because they should care about you for who you are on the inside.
16. You don’t feel appreciated for who you are.
All in all, you don’t feel like your partner appreciates you for who you are, and you are probably right.
If they are objectifying you, they probably don’t even know who you are. They only know how you make them feel and couldn’t care less about how you feel.
Don’t stay with someone who treats you this way. You deserve to be loved for who you are, and you can be. Leave the person who objectifies you. Instead, find a partner who’ll realize that you’re a whole person with thoughts and feelings.
Don’t let anyone treat you as an object because you should be appreciated for who you are as a person and a human being.
Still not sure what you should do if your partner is objectifying you? While we may have suggested ending the relationship as your best option, you may first want to consider getting professional help – by yourself or as a couple or both – to see if the issue can be addressed and resolved. So why not chat online to one of the experts from Relationship Hero who can help you figure things out. Simply click here to chat.
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