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You’re a bitch. At least, that’s what you are telling yourself by searching for or clicking through on this article.
But please, I beg of you, don’t call yourself a bitch, even if you act like one sometimes.
If you identify as a bitch, your thoughts and actions are likely to reinforce that identity.
Your negative traits might indicate some bitchiness, but that’s something you can work on.
And, yes, some women do interpret being a bitch as something positive, as if it means that a bitch is a woman who stands up for herself and freely speaks her mind.
However, being a bitch comes with more negative associations than positive ones. Even the positive traits, such as speaking one’s mind, can be taken past the limit of what’s considered positive.
Since you are reading about how to stop being a bitch, you probably realize that you should work on the negative behaviors that are considered bitchy. Here’s how:
1. Realize that no one’s perfect and it’s okay.
You might be saying bitchy things to others in order to humiliate them. You are trying to inflate your own ego because you feel threatened.
The most important part of learning how to stop being a bitch is holding your tongue in situations when you would otherwise sound bitchy.
Learn that it’s okay if someone else is better at something than you are. It’s okay to be flawed and imperfect; in fact, everyone is, even those you are threatened by. They too have their own insecurities, so don’t let yours get the best of you.
Don’t point out people’s flaws and then use those shortcomings against them. You might be mocking people and sharing things that they’re embarrassed about. This is a very wrong thing to do, even if those people are not your friends.
Don’t try to cure your own insecurities by using the insecurities of other people. It’s okay not to be perfect.
2. Have manners and be polite.
People will enjoy your company more if you are polite, have good manners, and are kind. You don’t always have to say exactly what’s on your mind, and, you don’t always have to mean it.
Sometimes people put up appearances so that they can make others happy. Try to be sincerely nicer. If you can’t, fake it until you make it. Just be sure that you’re sincere enough not to sound sarcastic.
Treating others nicely is not something that you’re always in the mood to do, but to be a good person, you sometimes have to do things for others. You can be nice to them just for the sake of making them happy.
Keep the tone of your voice and your body language in mind too. You don’t want to seem aggressive if you want to show good manners and be polite.
Be sure to say “please” and “thank you” whenever the situation calls for it. You should also say “I’m sorry” and other kind phrases more often.
3. Don’t make demands, ask nicely.
Are you bossy? Do you demand things when you need them? People don’t like that.
Even if they’re perfectly willing to give you what you need, you should ask for it nicely, not order them to do things for you.
You might think that the world owes you something, but no one actually does. If you want something, you must ask for it nicely.
Again, use the words “please” and “thank you.” Take time to explain what you need and why, not just demand it. Always try to make requests instead of demands.
Appreciate the things that people do for you by saying “thank you” and complimenting them on how well they did.
4. Don’t brag too much.
It’s good to be proud of yourself and your achievements, but it’s different from bragging. Don’t pretend to be humble, but don’t overdo it by boasting about your achievements either, especially around those you know won’t ever achieve those same things.
In fact, you could shift focus onto others. Let them get a bit of attention instead of demanding that all the attention goes to you.
You should let someone else be in the spotlight every now and then, but more on that later.
5. Avoid arguments and don’t always have the last word.
You don’t need to start arguments, and you don’t have to win each one that happens. Your ego might be hurt, but your reputation should be more important at this point.
If you don’t want people to consider you a bitch, avoid getting into arguments—especially the loud public ones. You don’t have to have the last word. Be the bigger person and forgive and forget.
Accept that things can’t always go your way and that that’s not a reason to get into fights. “Take a chill pill” whatever that means to you.
Maybe you’ll stop to breathe for a while, walk out of the room, or shift focus onto something else when things get heated. Just don’t be caught screaming at someone, especially in public.
6. Shift focus onto others instead of making the conversations all about you.
You don’t have to be the center of attention during every conversation. It’s great if you love yourself, but not everyone loves you just as much.
Don’t make all the conversations about you. When the focus is on you, you can plant it on anyone else, and they’ll appreciate it. In addition, you’ll look better and less self-centered.
A woman who is considered a bitch is usually self-absorbed and wants everyone to be interested in her. Once you take care of that negative trait, there’ll be fewer of them to work on in order to become a nicer person.
Don’t demand all the attention, be ready to give it, as well as share it with others.
7. Learn to take criticism.
You might be causing fights whenever you encounter criticism. Don’t take things so personally, and learn to take constructive criticism instead.
Even when the criticism is not constructive, you don’t have to get defensive. Accept that not everyone’s opinions are the same as yours. Use criticism to find more ways to improve yourself.
It’s good that you can stand up for yourself when necessary, but don’t consider every negative remark as an attack. You can disagree with people and still be friends with them.
Most importantly, your friends shouldn’t be afraid of telling you what they mean just because it might hurt your ego.
Learn to take a joke at your expense too. You might make mean jokes and get mad when people joke at your expense. People will be more apt to enjoy your company if you lighten up and aren’t so easily offended.
8. Learn to keep things to yourself.
Honesty is usually a positive quality, but you can have too much of a good thing. It’s okay to speak your mind, but try to consider whether what you are saying could hurt someone and if it really needs to be said.
It’s also best to avoid commenting on everything that you see. Instead of pointing to someone who’s embarrassing themselves, you can look the other way and save them the embarrassment.
A woman who is considered a bitch might even want to embarrass and shame others. Don’t do this, and learn to keep things to yourself, especially people’s secrets, whether they’re embarrassing or not.
9. Don’t think that you know everything.
Do you really know it all? No one expects you to, so don’t act like you’re an expert on everything. If people consider you a bitch, they certainly don’t consider you humble.
Try to show your humble side by being open and receptive to other’s thoughts and opinions.
Keep in mind, people don’t always want your advice either, even if you know what you’re talking about. So, try not to state your opinions or give advice when you’re not asked for it.
It’s okay to share your opinions, but you might be doing too much too often, and too loudly. Be okay with keeping things to yourself and admitting that you don’t know everything well enough to form an opinion.
10. Don’t be aggressive.
Being aggressive doesn’t apply only to screaming and fights, even though you should avoid them too.
It also means that you push your advice on your friend and think that you’re helpful when you’re just meddling in their business without being asked.
When people want you to back off, and you act like their mom, you are being aggressive in a way. Don’t push anyone into anything or force them to do what you say.
Don’t have an aggressive attitude and try to relax a bit. Just like you shouldn’t get defensive, you shouldn’t make others feel attacked.
If most of your conversations sound more like arguments, criticism, or pointing fingers, you’re being aggressive.
11. Don’t be two-faced, and don’t give false compliments.
Being two-faced is one of the negative traits that people hate the most. You say something, then you do the opposite. You act in one way in front of someone and then completely change once they’re not there.
No one likes people who do this. You shouldn’t talk behind someone’s back and change your opinion depending on who you’re speaking with.
Don’t gossip, and don’t betray your friends.
Women who are considered bitches often give false compliments. For instance, you’ll tell your friend that they look amazing while in reality, you’re wondering what the hell they are wearing.
You already learned that being nice requires you to say things to make others happy, but don’t forget that they should be as sincere as possible. Compliments shouldn’t be lies; they should be genuine.
People can sense when you’re not being sincere. If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all. And if you do have something nice to say, make sure that you mean it.
No one likes people who complain all the time; it’s negative and exhausting. When you’re single, you complain about not having a partner, and when you have a partner, you complain about them.
There’s constantly a problem in your life, and your friends are tired of hearing about it. What’s more, maybe you always blame someone else for your problems. It’s like it’s never your fault.
Try to become more accountable and positive instead. When people see that you’re constantly complaining about something and doing nothing to resolve it, they’re not going to want to hear about it anymore.
Maybe you don’t complain about your life that often, but you always manage to find the negative side of things. The bar’s too loud, the apartment’s too small, it’s too hot in the park…
Don’t always search for flaws. Remind yourself that no one and nothing is perfect.
13. Don’t flirt with people who are already taken.
Be honest, did you ever steal your friend’s boyfriend? Did you try to? Maybe you constantly crave male attention, so much so that you don’t mind flirting with your friend’s partner just so you can get that attention.
It would be best to simply avoid flirting with anyone who’s already in a relationship, but the least you can do is not flirt with your friends’ partners.
It’s also wrong to flirt with someone that your friend has a crush on. Doing these things will just make people stick the “bitch” label on you, and they will avoid being your friend.
14. Don’t judge and be more open-minded.
You don’t like it when things don’t go your way, and you avoid opening your mind to new things. Basically, you’re judgmental even if you don’t like to admit it. You constantly look for flaws, judge others, and criticize everything.
That’s a very negative mindset, so try being more open-minded. Welcome new experiences without jumping to conclusions or assuming that you already know everything.
Understand that everyone has the right to lead their life the way they want to, and you don’t have the right to judge them for it.
It’s good that you can voice your opinions, but you should know when to keep quiet—your opinions are not always wanted.
Don’t judge or mock anyone. When you make fun of people, it’s not funny.
15. Be funny, but don’t be mean.
You might think that you have a great sense of humor, when in reality, you’re just being mean. Pranks and insults can make your friends feel like you’re just putting them down.
As a result, they’ll call you a bitch and avoid hanging out with you. By all means, be funny, but understand the difference between being funny and being mean.
If you already take pride in your sense of humor, know how to joke at your own expense too.
If you put your friends down and get offended when they playfully tease you, your sense of humor is not as great as you might think.
Be cautious with sarcasm too. It can be funny, but when it crosses the line, it’s just mean.
Don’t insult others, and think before you speak. If they’re more likely to get offended than to laugh, it’s not really a joke.
16. Don’t crave attention so badly.
You aren’t happy when you’re not the center of attention. You’re not just seeking attention from men, you want it from everyone in every possible situation.
You have to be the life of any party and the loudest person at any table. This is not really a positive trait. You don’t have to steal the spotlight everywhere you go and become the focus of every conversation.
As already mentioned, shift the focus onto someone else sometimes. The thing is, even if it feels like you’re a superstar when you get all the attention, people don’t really see you that way. In fact, they’re more likely to perceive you as a bitch.
17. Don’t be too competitive.
Do you get too competitive, even when playing a boardgame with your friends? If you’ve ever caught yourself screaming because you lost a game, you are definitely too competitive.
Maybe you use insulting words to describe other women that you find intimidating. For instance, if you think a girl looks more attractive than you, you will call her a slut purely because of that.
Stop comparing yourself to other people and remind yourself again that no one’s perfect. If you feel intimated by other people, and this causes you to get too competitive, work on your insecurities with a therapist.
Although “bitches” are commonly considered to be self-centered, their behavior often comes from self-esteem issues.
18. Smile more often.
Maybe you constantly have “the resting bitch face” and this has been pointed out to you, even as a joke. Whether someone seems approachable or bitchy often depends on their facial expression.
So, try to notice how your face looks. Try to smile more often. You’ll look more approachable and happier, and you might even become happier because of it.
Remind yourself to smile every time you remember to, and fake it until you make it. If you always look cold, uninterested, and indifferent, people will notice a change when you start smiling more often.
Happy and friendly people greet others with a smile. The best part is, you’ll even look prettier because everyone looks better when they’re smiling.
19. Don’t take joy in other people’s misfortune.
If you secretly feel glad when your friends fail, you’re not really their friend, and you might get called a bitch. Don’t secretly take joy in other people’s misfortune, whether they’re your friends or not.
Maybe you envy your friend for their relationship. So, you find pleasure in their pain when they tell you that their relationship has ended.
These behaviors are awful and bitchy. Learn to be happy for others when they succeed at something.
When other’s fail, be compassionate and give them a shoulder to cry on. Try to show empathy and understand their pain instead of being glad that they have it worse than you.
20. Don’t make your friends fear you.
If you’re a bitch, your friends might be afraid of you to the point that they can’t be honest with you. This is especially true if you snap at them whenever they say what they mean instead of what you want to hear.
Don’t make people feel like they must walk on eggshells around you to avoid upsetting you.
Your friends could also be afraid of you if you have an aggressive approach. It’s not fun to be friends with someone who is intimidating. People should respect you, but they shouldn’t fear you, and these two things aren’t the same.
You want people to feel comfortable spending time with you without worrying that they’ll do or say something to upset or offend you.
21. Seek therapy.
In the end, you might have to talk to a professional to truly stop with the bitchy behavior. This is because your bad behavior might come from anxiety, emotional trauma, or poor social skills.
Regardless of the exact reason why you act bitchy sometimes, a therapist can help you get to the root of the problem and change your unhealthy patterns. You might be suffering from low self-esteem, insecurities, or something else that you’re repressing could be causing big problems in your life.
Put effort into becoming a nicer person because it will help you in all aspects of your life. Your social life, your love life, and your professional life might all be suffering the consequences of your negative traits.
If you are struggling to become the person you want to be, try talking to a therapist. You don’t have to do it alone, and it’s okay to ask for help.
A good place to get professional help is the website BetterHelp.com – here, you’ll be able to connect with a therapist via phone, video, or instant message.
While you may try to work through this yourself, it may be a bigger issue than self-help can address. And if it is affecting your mental well-being, relationships, or life in general, it is a significant thing that needs to be resolved.
Too many people try to muddle through and do their best to overcome issues that they never really get to grips with. If it’s at all possible in your circumstances, therapy is 100% the best way forward.
Click here if you’d like to learn more about the service BetterHelp.com provide and the process of getting started.
You’ve already taken the first step just by searching for and reading this article. The worst thing you can do right now is nothing. The best thing is to speak to a therapist. The next best thing is to implement everything you’ve learned in this article by yourself. The choice is yours.
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