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All marriages go through ups and downs.
And, as time passes, the ways in which you show your love for each other can change.
But are you wondering whether your husband still loves you at all?
If you’re having doubts, ask yourself how many of these signs you can see in him and in your marriage.
The more you see, the more likely it is that your husband doesn’t love you anymore.
1. He stops asking about your life.
Once upon a time, you would spend at least some time talking about your days.
It was a little thing, but it allowed you to keep up to date with the important (and, yes, sometimes the not so important) goings on in each other’s lives.
But those conversations have long since stopped.
You tried to maintain them for a while, but your husband didn’t seem to care.
And now he never asks about your day, your work, your friends, your family, or anything for that matter.
You still try to ask him, but he never reciprocates.
2. He doesn’t listen to you.
When you do manage to engage him in a conversation – even the mundane ones about childcare or the leaky roof – he just zones out.
You get the occasional grunt or nod, but you can tell that he’s barely in the room with you, mentally speaking.
He’s thinking about something else, looking at his phone, watching TV, or doing something other than focusing his attention on what you are saying.
You might as well be talking to a brick wall.
3. He has withdrawn all affection.
Many couples will kiss upon waking in the morning or before they go to bed.
Others hug at least once a day.
And there are those who cuddle up together on the couch most evenings.
There are plenty of ways to show your spouse affection, but your husband has stopped doing any of these things.
What’s more, if you try to show him affection, he pulls away from you.
4. He doesn’t instigate physical intimacy.
In other words, he doesn’t seem interested in having sex with you anymore.
Let’s be honest, in many – though not all – marriages, it is the man who has the higher sex drive and who initiates sex more often than not.
But your trips to the bedroom have all but dried up, and when you do manage to get him between the sheets, it’s through your effort.
What’s more, the sex – if there is any – has become mechanical. There’s no real intimacy, no emotional connection. It’s just a case of getting the job done and going your separate ways again.
One small caveat: if this is the only sign you are seeing, you might want to consider whether your husband has suffered any recent performance issues in bed. These might be concerning him so much that he doesn’t want to have sex for fear that it’ll happen again.
5. He doesn’t do the things you ask him to do.
We all make requests of our spouses from time to time. We might need them to help with something or take care of a particular duty.
When a marriage is in good health, those requests will be granted without too much complaint.
But if your husband no longer loves you, he will huff and puff at any little thing that you ask him to do.
And he’ll probably only follow through and do the thing a fraction of the time.
Every other time, he’ll find an excuse as to why he couldn’t do it.
6. He is more selfish than he used to be.
The previous point is just one example of how he will display more selfish behavior than he did before.
In general, he’ll do things that please him more than they please you.
His wishes come first and he’s more reluctant to find a compromise.
So you eat what he wants to eat, you go where he wants to go, you do what he wants to do.
Your wants (and even your needs) take a back seat.
7. He makes more plans without you.
You may have always had your own lives outside of the marriage, but your husband is now taking that to a whole new level.
He seems to be out doing something every weekend, he goes away with friends a lot, and he spends his evenings doing various hobbies.
Long gone are the days when you would spend a large proportion of your time together. You have been marginalized in your own relationship.
His aim is, of course, to avoid spending time with you because he has fallen out of love with you.
8. He doesn’t want to go on dates with you.
Not only does he spend a lot of time apart from you, he is not keen on going on any proper date nights with you.
Those occasions where you put all distractions to one side and focus entirely on each other are now few and far between.
He makes excuses as to why you shouldn’t go or keeps putting it off until weeks and months have passed.
He begrudgingly takes you out for your birthday or anniversary, but even then he tries to keep it low key.
9. He’s stopped complimenting you.
It’s nice when the person you love notices you and tells you that you look good.
Maybe you get your hair done or dress a little differently or get glammed up for a night out.
Or maybe it’s just the way the sunlight hits your face on a warm summer’s evening in the garden.
Only, your husband doesn’t seem to notice these things anymore.
You literally can’t remember the last time he said anything nice about you, even when you’ve made the effort specifically for him.
10. He treats other people better than he treats you.
For someone who once claimed to love you, your husband has a funny way of showing it.
He now seems to be far nicer to other people than he is toward you.
Those compliments you no longer get are handed out to other people instead.
He listens attentively and with genuine interest to what other people have to say, but not you.
He is generous with his time and money when other people are concerned.
This simply shows how little he values you and your marriage these days.
11. He is more irritable with you.
Everyone can be a little short with their partner from time to time. Stresses inside and outside of a relationship can make us ill-tempered.
But in your marriage, this has become an increasingly common occurrence.
Your husband just seems to have no patience for you and is quick to get irritated, even at the tiniest of things.
You have noticed how often he raises his voice or makes flippant, hurtful remarks when you do or say something he doesn’t like.
12. He points out your “faults.”
In any marriage, you have to learn to accept that your partner won’t always do things the way you like to do them.
In a healthy marriage, these things are easy to overlook because they don’t really matter.
But if your husband doesn’t love you anymore, he’ll probably start to tell you that you’re doing it all wrong.
He will criticize your methods and point out how “stupid” you are for not doing things his way.
Even worse, he’ll begin to mention your physical qualities that he no longer likes.
Wrinkles, gray hairs, saggy bits – he’ll bemoan that you’ve “let yourself go” whilst refusing to acknowledge how his body has also changed.
13. He bad mouths you in front of others.
It’s one thing to have a little moan about your partner to your friends or family – we all do it to some extent.
It’s another thing altogether to speak poorly about your wife when she is present and can hear every word.
That’s downright cruel and can leave you feeling attacked and ashamed.
He may frame these digs as jokes, but they are anything but funny.
14. He is never happy, no matter what you do.
You can go to the ends of the earth for him, but it won’t be enough.
No matter how hard you try to please him and meet his needs, there is always something for him to complain about.
You don’t receive a word of thanks for all that you do for him. You are well and truly taken for granted.
And yet he expects you to be grateful for even the smallest of things that he does, and he gets upset if you don’t recognize his effort.
15. He avoids communication when you’re not together.
In the early throes of your relationship, you could text or speak on the phone for ages.
These days, when you’re apart from each other, he tries his best not to communicate with you at all.
He never answers your calls and it can take him ages to read and reply to your messages – if he even bothers to.
It’s his way of telling you that you are no longer important enough for him to spend a few minutes acknowledging your existence.
16. He doesn’t miss you.
Not only will he try not to speak to you when you are apart, he doesn’t appear to have missed you at all when you are reunited.
No temporary improvement in his mood or behavior toward you.
No words that hint that he would have liked you to be there with him.
No desire to tell you how he is or ask how you have been.
Things just go straight back to how they were.
17. He doesn’t talk about a future together.
There was a time when you’d make plans for the future you were going to spend together.
You’d have goals and dreams of a better life. Of family, moving to a nicer neighborhood, and the many holidays you’d take.
But those sorts of conversations no longer happen. The future is not spoken about in your household.
Because your husband doesn’t really see you together in the long run.
Or because he does see you together (for whatever reason), but he doesn’t think anything will improve.
18. He disrespects you in many little ways.
When the respect dries up, you know the love has gone too.
And your husband does lots of things that show a lack of respect toward you.
Perhaps he decides to go for work drinks one evening without consulting you or telling you when he’ll be home.
Maybe he lies to you on a regular basis, even about little things.
Or does he spend your shared money behind your back?
There are so many ways he can disrespect you, but they all point to the fact that he doesn’t love you.
19. He forgets important dates.
When something is important to you, you tend to remember it.
But your husband regularly forgets birthdays, anniversaries, or other significant dates.
Even things such as hospital appointments you might have or big days for you at work – he won’t remember them unless you prompt him in the run-up.
He may claim that he’s getting forgetful (and this can happen), but even if you put it in big red writing on a calendar, he finds a way to overlook it.
20. He doesn’t put the effort in anymore.
Many of the points above boil down to this one thing: your husband simply doesn’t want to put the effort into your marriage anymore.
He’s checked out emotionally, physically, and practically.
He lets the relationship coast along assuming he doesn’t have to do much, but there’s no real impetus for him to try to fix things.
He doesn’t want to take that responsibility and prefers the easy route of slowly allowing your marriage to fail.
21. He tries to turn your kids against you.
This is a really sh*tty thing to do, but some men will stoop this low.
If you have children together, they will try their best to become the favorite parent.
They will demean you, say bad things about you, and do whatever they can to ruin the relationship you have with your kids.
Is there any bigger sign that your husband doesn’t love you than using your kids to hurt you?
22. He flirts with other women.
He is flirtatious around other women and he doesn’t try to hide this from you.
Whether it’s intentional or not, his message is clear: he finds other women attractive, but not you.
You may even suspect him of being unfaithful to you, or have evidence that proves he has cheated.
23. He doesn’t bat an eyelid if you flirt with another man.
You may try to make him jealous by flirting with another guy, but your husband doesn’t react in the slightest.
He’s not in love with you any longer, and so he doesn’t see this other man as a threat.
To him, your interest in someone else only confirms his own feelings (or lack thereof).
24. He doesn’t want to talk about it.
When you try to engage him in a conversation about the state of your marriage, he doesn’t want to know.
He shuts you out and refuses to talk about the issues you are facing.
He is disengaged and shows no willing to try to save the marriage.
25. He blames you for the state of your marriage.
If you can get him to talk about your failing relationship, he places the blame squarely on your shoulders.
It’s your fault for driving him away.
It’s your fault for not trying harder.
It’s your fault for changing from the person he fell in love with.
It’s your fault for trying to change him and not accepting him for who he is.
It’s your fault for… everything.
There you have it. Your marriage problems summed up in 25 points.
Listen, it’s never nice to realize that your husband – whom you still love – doesn’t love you back.
Does this spell divorce? Possibly.
When the love has fizzled out, the relationship hasn’t got long left.
But, it isn’t beyond the realms of possibility for your husband to rediscover his love for you.
Chances are it will require couples counselling and a lot of hard work and effort from both of you.
But a marriage is worth fighting for – at least until you know you have given it your best shot.
Still not sure what to do about your husband’s lack of love? This is not a great situation you find yourself in, and figuring it out all by yourself in terms of what lies ahead for your marriage can be daunting. It can really help to discuss your feelings and your options with a relationship expert. So why not chat online to a relationship counselor from Relationship Hero who can help you decide what your next steps should be, whether or not you think your marriage is salvageable. Simply click here to chat.
What have you got to lose?
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