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25 signs your husband isn’t in love with you like he once was

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All marriages go through ups and downs.

And, as time passes, the ways in which you show your love for each other can change.

But are you wondering whether your husband still loves you at all?

If you’re having doubts, ask yourself how many of these warning signs you can see in him and in your marriage.

The more signs you see, the more likely it is that your husband isn’t in love with you anymore.

Speak to a certified relationship counselor about this issue. Why? Because they have the training and experience to help you decide what to do about a husband who doesn’t love you. You may want to try speaking to someone via RelationshipHero.com for practical advice that is tailored to your exact circumstances.

25 Signs Your Husband Doesn’t Love You Anymore

1. He stops asking about your life.

unhappy wife in foreground with husband in background

Does he seem not to care about your life anymore?

Once upon a time, you would talk about your days—this allowed you to keep up to date with the goings on in each other’s lives.

Not anymore.

Your husband has stopped showing an interest in your day, your work, your friends, your family, or anything about your life for that matter.

He doesn’t seem to care, and when you ask about his life, you get one-word replies that are cold and unloving.

2. He doesn’t listen to you.

When you do manage to engage your husband in conversation, he just zones out.

You get the occasional grunt or nod, but he’s distracted—thinking about something else, looking at his phone, watching TV, or doing anything other than listening to what you are saying.

It’s hard to feel loved or valued when your spouse doesn’t talk and is unwilling to engage in conversation.

3. He has withdrawn all affection.

Many couples will kiss, hug, or cuddle at least once a day.

Your husband has stopped showing you affection at all.

He doesn’t kiss you or touch you, even in non-sexual ways. It’s like he goes out of his way not to be affectionate with you. He’s closed off and lost interest in you physically.

And he pulls away from you if you initiate.

A marriage devoid of affection is a clear sign that your husband isn’t in love with you anymore.

4. He doesn’t instigate physical intimacy.

husband avoiding intimacy with his wife

Avoiding intimacy can be a bad sign.

Your husband seems to no longer be interested in having sex with you.

In many—though not all—marriages, it is the man who has the higher sex drive and who initiates sex more often than not.

But your sex life has dried up, and when you do manage to get him between the sheets, it’s through your effort. Your husband rarely initiates sex anymore.

Any sex there is has become mechanical. There’s no real intimacy, no emotional connection. It’s just a case of getting the job done and going your separate ways again.

If there has been a change in behavior and routine—sudden or gradual—it’s a clue his feelings have changed.

5. He doesn’t do the things you ask him to do.

When a marriage is in good health, when one person makes a request, it will often be granted without too much complaint.

But if your husband no longer loves you, he will huff and puff at any little thing that you ask him to do.

And he’ll probably only follow through and do the thing a fraction of the time.

Every other time, he’ll find an excuse as to why he couldn’t do it.

6. He is more selfish than he used to be.

The previous point is just one example of how he will display more self-centered behavior than he did before.

If he isn’t in love with you, he’ll be more likely to do things that please him more than they please you.

He’s stopped seeing you as equal partners. Or stopped caring. Either way, his wishes come first and he’s more reluctant to find a compromise.

7. He makes more plans without you.

man playing golf

Is he spending more time doing his own thing?

You may have always had your own private lives outside of the marriage, but your husband is taking that to a whole new level.

He seems to be out doing something every weekend, he goes away with friends a lot, and he spends time doing various hobbies in the evenings rather than being in your company.

He finds any excuse to be away from you and chooses to spend his time with other people doing activities that don’t involve you.

You have been marginalized in your own relationship.

8. He doesn’t want to go on dates with you.

Your husband is not keen on going on date nights with you.

Those occasions where you put all distractions to one side and spend time focusing entirely on each other are now few and far between.

He begrudgingly takes you out for your birthday or anniversary, but even then it feels forced and he tries to keep it low key.

Couple time is important for feeling connected and maintaining emotional intimacy, but if he is falling out of love with you, he’s not going to want to hang out.

9. He’s stopped complimenting you.

You literally can’t remember the last time your husband said anything nice about you, even when you’ve made the effort specifically for him.

There’s zero appreciation, no sweet words, no sign of romantic interest, and certainly no attempt to make you feel more secure.

10. He treats other people better than he treats you.

For someone who once claimed to love you, your husband has a funny way of showing it.

There is now a huge difference between how your husband treats you vs everyone else.

He now seems to be far nicer to other people than he is to you.

It is a good idea to seek professional help from one of the experts at Relationship Hero as counseling can be highly effective in helping couples to either rediscover their love for each other or part ways on the best terms possible.

11. He is more irritable with you.

man pointing angrily at his wife

Does he blow up over little things now?

Everyone can be a little short with their partner from time to time, but this has become a common occurrence in your marriage.

Your husband seems to have no patience for you and is quick to get irritated, even at the tiniest of things.

He often raises his voice or makes flippant, hurtful remarks when you do or say something he doesn’t like.

Yes, you are going through a rough patch, but if you find yourself walking on eggshells to avoid triggering his anger, and fights are more common than before, it’s a tell-tale sign his love for you has faded.

12. He points out your “faults.”

In any marriage, you have to learn to accept that your partner won’t always do things the way you like to do them.

But if your husband doesn’t love you anymore, he’ll probably start to tell you that you’re doing it all wrong and find fault even in little things.

He will criticize your methods and point out how “stupid” you are for not doing things his way.

Even worse, he’ll begin to mention your physical qualities that he no longer likes.

Wrinkles, gray hairs, saggy bits—he’ll bemoan that you’ve “let yourself go” whilst refusing to acknowledge how his body has also changed.

13. He bad-mouths you in front of others.

It’s one thing to have a little moan about your partner to your friends or family—we all do it to some extent.

It’s another thing altogether to speak poorly about your wife when she is present and can hear every word.

He may frame these digs as jokes, but they are anything but funny. Or he may openly criticize you and try to justify himself by providing “evidence” of your shortcomings.

14. He is never happy, no matter what you do.

No matter how hard you try to please him and meet his needs, there is always a problem, always something negative for him to complain about.

You don’t receive a word of thanks for all that you do for him. You are well and truly taken for granted.

And yet he expects you to be grateful for even the smallest of things that he does, and he gets upset if you don’t recognize his effort.

15. He avoids communication when you’re not together.

These days, when you’re apart from each other, he tries his best not to communicate with you at all.

He never answers your calls and it can take him ages to read and reply to your messages—if he even bothers to.

It’s his way of telling you that you are no longer important enough for him to spend a few minutes acknowledging your existence. It’s one of the more painful signs that he isn’t in love with you.

16. He doesn’t miss you.

husband on tablet ignoring his wife

Does it feel like he hasn’t missed you after being apart?

Not only will he try not to speak to you when you are apart, he doesn’t appear to have missed you at all when you are reunited.

There is no temporary improvement in his mood or behavior toward you.

No words that hint that he would have liked you to be there with him.

No desire to tell you how he is or ask how you have been.

Things just go straight back to how they were.

17. He doesn’t talk about a future together.

There was a time when you’d make plans for the future you were going to spend together.

You’d have goals and dreams of a better life. Of family, moving to a nicer neighborhood, and the many holidays you’d take.

But those sorts of deep conversations no longer happen. Probably because your husband doesn’t really see you together in the long run.

18. He disrespects you in many little ways.

When the respect dries up, you know the love has gone too.

And your husband does lots of things that show a lack of respect toward you.

Maybe he lies to you on a regular basis, even about little things. Or he spends your shared money behind your back.

There are so many ways he can disrespect you, but they all point to the fact that he doesn’t love you.

19. He forgets important dates.

Your husband regularly forgets birthdays, anniversaries, or other significant dates.

Even things such as hospital appointments you might have or big days for you at work—he won’t remember them unless you prompt him in the run-up.

He may claim that he’s getting forgetful (and this can happen), but even if you put it in big red writing on a calendar, he finds a way to overlook it.

20. He doesn’t put the effort in anymore.

Many of the points above boil down to this one thing: your husband simply doesn’t want to put the effort into your marriage anymore.

He’s checked out emotionally, physically, and practically.

He doesn’t want to take responsibility and try to fix things, and instead prefers the easy route of slowly allowing your marriage to fail.

He just seems to be going through the motions.

21. He tries to turn your kids against you.

This is a really toxic thing to do, but some men will stoop this low.

If you have children together, they will try their best to become the favorite parent.

They will demean you, say bad things about you, and do whatever they can to ruin the relationship you have with your kids.

22. He flirts with other women.

husband flirting with another woman at a party

Does your husband openly flirt with other women?

Is your husband flirtatious around other women and doesn’t try to hide this from you?

Whether it’s intentional or not, actions speak louder than words and his message is clear: he finds other women attractive, but not you.

23. He doesn’t bat an eyelid if you flirt with another man.

You may try to make him jealous by flirting with another guy, but your husband doesn’t react in the slightest.

He’s not in love with you any longer, and so he doesn’t see this other man as a threat.

To him, your interest in someone else only confirms his own feelings (or lack thereof).

24. He doesn’t want to talk about it.

husband holding hand up to wife because he doesn't want to talk

If he refuses to talk about things, it’s not good.

When you try to engage him in a conversation about the state of your marriage, he doesn’t want to know.

He shuts you out and refuses to talk about the issues you are facing.

He is disengaged and shows no willingness to try to save the marriage.

25. He blames you for the state of your marriage.

If you can get him to talk about your failing relationship, he places the blame squarely on your shoulders.

It’s your fault for driving him away.

It’s your fault for not trying harder.

It’s your fault for changing from the person he fell in love with.

It’s your fault for trying to change him and not accepting him for who he is.

It’s your fault for… everything.

What To Do If Your Husband Isn’t In Love with You Anymore

Listen, it’s never nice to realize that your husband—whom you still love—doesn’t love you back.

Does this spell divorce? Possibly. It is a heart-wrenching thought.

When the love has fizzled out, the relationship hasn’t got long left.

But, it isn’t beyond the realms of possibility for your husband to fall in love with you again.

Chances are it will require marriage counseling and a lot of hard work and effort from both of you.

But a marriage is worth fighting for—at least until you know you have given it your best shot.

You’ll never know for sure if you can save your marriage unless you try.

Whatever the outcome, being able to move forward with your life is a positive thing. Nothing is worse than feeling trapped in a situation that seems hopeless.

While these are all signs your husband isn’t in love with you anymore, you can’t just give up on your marriage without trying all you possibly can—and it is always better to ask a relationship expert to help.

For one thing, all these signs are based on your perspective, but you do not know how he feels about certain things from his end.

Having a professional look objectively can help resolve issues from both sides.

With a relationship expert, your husband will feel like he can say what he wants without getting a defensive answer from you.

He also knows there will be an unbiased, professional view and, thus, he will show less resistance to opening up and saying what he thinks is wrong with your relationship.

Either way, a professional can listen to you and offer well-considered advice to help you figure out what your next steps should be—whether that means couples counseling to regain the love or going your separate ways.

Relationship Hero is a website where you can connect with a relationship counselor via phone, video, or instant message.

While you can try to work through this situation yourself or as a couple, sometimes even an honest conversation will not work as it may be a bigger issue than self-help can fix.

And if it is affecting your mental well-being, it is a significant thing that needs to be resolved.

Too many couples try to muddle through their rough patches and do their best to solve problems that they never really get to grips with. If it’s at all possible in your circumstances, speaking to a relationship expert is 100% the best way forward to forge a strong relationship or part ways amicably.

Here’s that link again if you’d like to learn more about the service Relationship Hero provide and the process of getting started.

About The Author

Steve Phillips-Waller is the founder and editor of A Conscious Rethink. He has written extensively on the topics of life, relationships, and mental health for more than 8 years.