Getting into a relationship for the WRONG reasons will cause you a whole heap of misery and heartache.
So it’s vital that you are able to tell if you really do like someone or if you just think you do because you’re lonely.
Because let’s be honest, the single life can be heart-wrenchingly painful, especially when you want a relationship so bad.
And when a guy or girl enters the picture and you see some potential there, why wouldn’t you just seduce them and ask them out?
Well, because not only do you risk entering an unhappy and unhealthy relationship, but you waste your time with the wrong person when you could be spending it with the right person.
But it’s okay, we’ve got you covered. In the 5 minutes it takes you to read this article, you’ll learn how to distinguish between genuine feelings for someone and the pangs of loneliness.
And with this information, you’ll know whether to go for it with the person you have in your mind right now. Or… whether you should avoid taking things any further with them.
Speak to a certified relationship counselor about this issue. Why? Because they have the training and experience to help you figure out whether you actually like this person or whether you’re lonely and settling for someone who isn’t right for you. You may want to try speaking to someone via RelationshipHero.com for practical advice that is tailored to your exact circumstances.
1. Life is better when you’re around them.
You know you really like someone when life just feels better when you’re around them. They bring out the best in you and amplify the best parts of life when you’re together.
They make you feel not just secure in your relationship and where it’s heading, but great about yourself too. When you’re around them, you feel all the excitement of each of the stages of falling in love, not awkward, bored, or anxious.
You knew that you had a good life already, and maybe you weren’t expecting to meet anyone, but suddenly you did and being around this person makes everything that much better.
You know you’re just lonely and trying to fill a void if you feel as though you are relying on someone else to fill your time. Life isn’t better when they’re around, it’s just better than being on your own.
You’ve made them the center of your life because you’re scared to do things on your own or make decisions for yourself. You don’t want to face building a life on your own, so you rely on being in a relationship to fill your time.
If you’re honest with yourself, you don’t enjoy life more because you’re with them, and you wouldn’t be together if you weren’t scared of being on your own.
2. You get excited when you hear from them.
Do you find yourself checking your phone waiting for a message to pop up? Are you already counting down the hours to your next date? If the answer is yes, it sounds like you’re falling for someone.
You know you like someone when you can’t wait to see them or hear from them next. You get butterflies when they get back to you and you just want the conversation to never end. You know you enjoy their company when you can’t wait to spend more time together.
You know you’re just lonely and not that interested in someone if you find that it’s been days since you last replied to a message or can’t be bothered to organize another date.
If you find yourself only ever picking up the phone to message them when you’re bored or you’re out already, rather than spending quality time with them, then you know you’re not that interested.
You’re reaching out because you’ve got nothing else to do with your time. If this sounds like you, then it’s best for the both of you if you let go and move on so you can find a partner who genuinely cares for you in a healthier and happier relationship.
3. Your relationship feels easy.
When it feels easy to be around a person, and your relationship naturally develops, you know that you’ve got something good.
When you aren’t worrying about where your relationship is heading, and you’re just enjoying the process, that’s when you know you really like someone. You aren’t second-guessing yourself or trying to make your relationship move faster than you should.
You’re taking time to get to know each other properly and building a solid foundation because it’s something you want to last.
You know you’re just lonely and don’t really like someone if your relationship feels forced or uncomfortable.
If you’re feeling anxious about it progressing, or if you feel yourself pulling back, then you know that it’s not 100% for you. It might be because you don’t really trust the person you’re with. You aren’t sure they’re ready to commit to you, so you’re holding back too.
Or it could be that you’re the one who isn’t ready, you just can’t admit that to yourself yet. You’re in love with the idea of being in love, but whatever this relationship is, it’s not that, no matter how much you want it to be.
You’re filling your time with dates, but you aren’t really serious about this person because, if you’re honest with yourself, you don’t see this relationship going anywhere.
A good relationship shouldn’t feel forced or stressful; it should be something enjoyable for the both of you. If it doesn’t feel like that, then you know it’s not really for you.
4. You can imagine taking it to the next level.
Every relationship happens at its own pace. For some people, intimacy might be the foundation of the relationship; whereas, for others, their relationship may be more of a slow burn.
You know you like someone when the chemistry between you is palpable. Even if things haven’t gotten physical yet, it’s apparent that you both want them to at some point.
You know you’re just lonely when you feel awkward thinking about getting physically intimate with the person you’re dating. You find yourself putting off taking that next step because the sexual attraction isn’t there for you.
You like spending time with them, but if you’re honest with yourself, you’re not physically into them. You’re using them to fill time rather than developing that deeper connection.
5. You’re excited to introduce them to your friends and family.
It’s a good sign when you’re excited to introduce the person you’re seeing to your friends and family. If you can’t wait to start making those introductions, and you’re nervous about it going well, then you know you really care.
You can tell if you really like someone because you want to share your life with them and start making them a permanent fixture. It’s important to you to get the approval of the people you value most in your life.
You know you’re just lonely when you don’t want to introduce your partner to your friends and loved ones.
You find excuses not to introduce them to your friends or your family and you don’t care about meeting theirs. You aren’t 100% committed to this relationship and don’t see it lasting. As a result, you avoid involving them in your personal your life.
They’re there when you want them to be, but you aren’t willing to make time for them or invite them along to events where they’d become more integrated with your own social groups. You’re keeping them on the outside of your life because, in reality, that’s where you want them to stay.
6. You’re willing to move outside of your comfort zone.
It’s clear that you’ve found someone you really like when you start trying new things with them and moving outside your comfort zone. You might be more open to new hobbies that your partner enjoys. Or maybe you’re imagining a future with this person that you never considered before.
Your partner should add to your life and help you expand your horizons. It might be a challenge to overcome the differences you have, but when you really like someone, you want to.
You’re willing and ready to shape your life in ways you hadn’t imagined before because you’re happy to compromise for the sake of the person you care about and build a new life together.
You know you’re just lonely and not serious about someone rather than genuinely looking for a relationship if you’re not willing to compromise your life in any way. You’re so set in your ways that you don’t want to change any part of how you live day to day or how you see your future for the sake of someone else.
Every relationship comes with an element of compromise as you find ways to be able to support each other in finding happiness. The person you’re dating won’t necessarily want to fit into your life exactly as you live it. If you expect your relationship to progress, you will need to compromise in order to grow together.
If you’re just lonely, then you want someone there when you need them, but you aren’t willing to make the compromises or move outside your comfort zone for them. You aren’t really ready for your life to change in a meaningful way, you just want a distraction when you feel like it.
7. You’re taking in each moment.
You know you’ve got something good with someone when you find yourself grateful for each moment you spend together. You’re enjoying the time you share and can’t seem to get enough.
Life feels good right now, and you realize it’s the little things about being with the right person that make you care about them the most. You’re not in a rush and don’t need any big shows of affection to prove that you care about each other. You wake up each day happy to share another one together, and you’re excited to see where your future leads.
You know you’re just lonely and aren’t with the right person when you can’t seem to stop comparing yourself to others. You find yourself tracking your relationship against other couples, wondering if you’re romantic enough, whether you communicate enough, and worrying that you’re lacking in some way compared to everyone else.
You’re treating your relationship as though you’re in a competition, trying to be the best couple because you’re the most fun, the most attractive, the most in love, or the most serious about each other because you aren’t really confident in just being you.
If you’re comparing yourself to others and overthinking how you look to everyone else, you’re not being genuine about the relationship you actually have. You’re so worried about it being something it’s not, that you’re not even enjoying what it is.
When you really like someone, it shouldn’t matter what your relationship looks like on the outside because you’re just happy to spend the time you have together. If you’re trying to tick boxes, you don’t really care about the person you’re with, and it might as well be anyone as long as the relationship is filling your needs.
It can feel stressful if you’re the only one in your friendship group or family who is not in a relationship. Maybe you are so desperate to settle down like everyone else that you try to force a relationship that isn’t right for you.
It’s no good trying to force something to work, no matter how much you want it to. If you’re not enjoying the little moments, then the big ones don’t matter.
8. It doesn’t feel superficial.
When how they look is the last thing that attracts you to the person you’re dating, then you know that you’ve found something special.
It’s important to be physically attracted to someone, and it may have been the way they look that initially got you interested, but as you’ve gotten to know each other, you’ve realized that there’s so much more that you love about them than that surface level attraction.
You know you really like someone when your attraction goes beyond the surface. You’re not in a shallow relationship, focused on how you look together, and the foundation between you isn’t just built on a physical connection.
For the both of you, it goes deeper; you care about who they are as a person. They add something to your life because of the way they are and you value their character.
Physical chemistry is important for a relationship to grow, but looks will change over time. You need a solid base of respect and love for each other if this is a relationship that’s going to last.
You know when you’re just lonely and not really committed to the person you’re dating when all you seem to care about is showing them off and other people’s opinions. All you ever talk about is how good looking they are, and you don’t really know the person they are underneath.
You’re too focused on how you look as a couple to try to impress others. You’re with them because you find them attractive, but nothing more. You’re not really interested in developing a deeper, more lasting connection.
If you’re only ever focused on putting couples pics on social media, you have to ask who you’re doing that for and who you’re trying to impress. Are you trying to prove that you’re happy when you know that in reality you aren’t?
If you are not willing to open up emotionally, then you know that you can’t progress as a couple. They’re fun to keep around for now, and you might think they’re hot, but they aren’t life-partner material.
9. You’re not interested in seeing anyone else.
You can tell when you’re falling for someone when you aren’t interested in seeing anyone else. Your priority is them, and you don’t care about dating around because they are giving you the love and attention you’re looking for.
You can see your life growing with them by your side, and you don’t want to jeopardize that by dating other people. You don’t feel tempted to flirt with other people because your loyalty is to one person only and you want them to know that.
You get jealous at the thought of them being with someone else, and you’re ready to make your relationship official and commit to being exclusive.
You know you’re just lonely when you can’t stop yourself from looking at other people, even when you’re dating someone. You might be annoyed if they were to leave you, but you aren’t serious enough about them to commit to being exclusive.
You find yourself scanning the room when you’re out for the evening, and you don’t feel awkward flirting with other people. You act as though you’re still single even when you’re not because you want to keep your options open in case someone better comes along.
You can never truly know if the person you’re seeing is the right one for you. There might be someone better out there that you haven’t met yet, and you’d never know if you were in an exclusive relationship.
But, equally, you’ll never develop a deeper connection with anyone if you don’t take that chance. If you live your life always looking for something better, you won’t find contentment, and you could regret wasting your chance for happiness.
You know that they aren’t really the right person for you, but being with them for now and being semi-happy is better than not being with anyone at all. You can have the fun and security of dating someone when you want it, but you’re keeping your eyes open because deep down you know this isn’t “it.”
It’s understandable to find yourself dating as an escape when you’re not enjoying your own company.
It can be hard to be on your own when you want to be in a relationship or when everyone around you is coupled up. It can be difficult to enjoy your own company, but time alone can be used as an opportunity to focus on yourself and what you want from life.
Investing in your own happiness without having to think about anyone else is a gift, but for some people, it can be hard to see it that way.
If you are dating just to pass the time, then make sure the person you’re seeing is on the same page as you. It’s fine to have some fun, but be careful you aren’t hurting people in the process.
You may not know exactly what you want right now, but at least be honest with the person you’re dating. If they’re looking for something more serious than you can give them, then don’t lead them on and waste each other’s time.
You have the chance to enjoy life without having to fit around anyone else. You can spend time with your friends and family, take trips, and build confidence in yourself as an independent person.
It’s freeing knowing that you are all you need. When you’re at your happiest and feeling like you don’t need anyone, that’s the time when you’re most likely to meet The One. They will see you for the genuine person that you are.
Don’t stay in an unfulfilling relationship if you’re not getting what you want out of it. Stop losing yourself in other people before you lose yourself completely.
Still not sure what your true feelings are for this person?
Speak to an experienced relationship expert about it. Why? Because they are trained to help people in situations like yours.
Relationship Hero is a website where you can connect with a certified relationship counselor via phone, video, or instant message.
While you can try to work through this situation yourself or as a couple, it may be a bigger issue than self-help can fix. And if it is affecting your relationship and mental well-being, it is a significant thing that needs to be resolved.
Too many people try to muddle through in their relationships without ever being able to resolve the issues that affect them. If it’s at all possible in your circumstances, speaking to a relationship expert is 100% the best way forward.
Here’s that link again if you’d like to learn more about the service Relationship Hero provide and the process of getting started.