The burden of adult responsibilities during childhood has many consequences later in life.
In an ideal world, childhood would be a relatively carefree time—not without worries or duties, of course, but a time when the child can do the kinds of things children do. But we don’t live in an ideal world, and plenty of kids find themselves in situations where responsibilities that far outstrip their years are thrust upon them for various reasons. But what does that do to the child and, subsequently, the adult they become?
1. They have an overdeveloped sense of empathy.
People who had adult responsibilities too young often have a difficult amount of empathy. They notice the suffering of and feel compassion toward people to an unhealthy degree. This is a trait one might find in a person who had to care for their siblings like a parent, because their parents wouldn’t.
This person needs strong boundaries or others will take advantage of their empathy. They’re used to self-sacrificing for others because that is what they were conditioned to do from a young age. That’s a difficult habit to break because it means watching someone else suffer and not rescuing them.
2. They feel responsible for everything.
A child who felt an intense obligation to be in charge and manage everything will find that it is difficult to stop doing as an adult. People who do this were often responsible for being a caregiver or problem-solver as a child. As Psychology Today shares, emotional neglect forces a child to redirect their attention from themselves to others to shoulder the responsibility.
As an adult, this can turn into micromanaging or excessively controlling behavior. They have a difficult time turning it off because they never had the choice to turn it off as a child. In turn, that may cause social isolation as most people don’t want to be managed.
3. They experience burnout and chronic fatigue.
Managing emotional and physical loads is exhausting. Children with adult responsibilities don’t know how to manage these loads and be healthy. In many cases, adults struggle with that themselves, so how can one expect a child to do it well?
The person who can’t learn to turn it off and protect themselves will burn out sooner or later. It’s impossible to keep up with the heaviness of those loads without self-management. A person who feels a responsibility to others will take on too much because that’s what they’ve been conditioned to do.
4. They have a hard time asking for help.
Self-reliance is a common trait of people who had adult responsibilities too young. They couldn’t rely on anyone to take care of them, or may have been a caregiver, so they are used to being the problem-solver. As a result, Sandstone Care informs us they develop hyper-independence.
Relationships can be difficult because this person struggles so much with showing their vulnerability. The only way to have a healthy, intimate relationship is to share those vulnerable parts of oneself. Asking for help is part of that when you’re in a healthy relationship with a partner.
5. They may have a fear of conflict.
Anger and conflict as an adult can touch on traumatic feelings from childhood where chaos and instability were common. If they weren’t common, then the person wouldn’t react as badly to conflict when it comes up. That’s difficult because there often is a little bit of conflict in healthy relationships from time to time.
The person may shut down completely or they could just submit to the desires of the other person. It’s a conditioned self-defense mechanism that they used as a child to protect themselves and whatever or whoever else they may have been responsible for.
6. They are often perfectionists.
The stress of high expectations or costly mistakes may condition the person to perfectionism. Everything has to be right otherwise everything can go wrong.
Being a child, it’s hard enough to handle adult responsibilities. But then it’s even harder to figure out how to fix the things that go wrong from a simple mistake that an adult would be more familiar with. They may micromanage because they are trying to make sure that nothing unexpected happens.
7. They may be emotionally guarded.
The kinds of situations that children who have adult responsibilities are in are never good. They are the result of poor life circumstances, bad parents, or other difficult situations that even adults would struggle with. Many people in those circumstances can’t afford to reveal their emotions.
That habit follows them into adulthood where the person may appear to be emotionally stunted or distant from others—and they are. They’re distant because that’s what they had to do to not be hurt as a child and carry through on their responsibilities.
8. They often have a high level of maturity.
People who have lived through adult challenges early may develop mentally and emotionally earlier. They have to so they can survive their circumstances. They often have a high degree of emotional intelligence and may be more mature than others of their age.
Of course, this isn’t a good thing even though some may interpret it to be. Children put in this position never have a chance to develop in a healthy way from childhood to adulthood. They never get to experience what a childhood should be where they aren’t burdened with the responsibilities of adulthood.
9. They often struggle with guilt when taking care of themselves.
Everyone has needs, but the child who grows up in this environment often must set their needs aside to handle their responsibilities, a trait common in adulthood. They may also feel guilty for bad things happening that are outside of their control because they didn’t account for that bad thing happening.
Boundaries are hard because they are about self-care. They will feel guilty about not taking care of someone when they know they absolutely could. Instead, they need to learn that it’s okay to put themselves first.
10. They often have strong problem-solving skills.
Problem-solving skills develop from solving problems. The more you do it, the better you get. A person who starts problem-solving at a young age will have years more experience than their peers.
Since this person is conditioned to have poor boundaries and take care of everyone else, they may find that all of the problems tend to fall on their lap. The people around them learn that they are good problem-solvers, so they may try to take advantage of that.
