As you’ve gotten older, you’ve likely noticed that you’re less keen to spend time with people than you were when you were younger. There are likely a number of personal reasons for this, but many of the following common reasons may feel familiar to you, too.
1. You seriously dislike people’s inauthentic company and conversation.
According to Psychology Today, being around inauthentic people causes us to be guarded and mistrustful since we instinctively feel they’re hiding something from us. Unfortunately, most of us have had to deal with superficial, shallow people in workplace environments for years.
So maybe now you’re tired of pretending that you like those who are also pretending to like you for the sake of office camaraderie. Or you’re fed up with feigning enthusiasm when you see someone you can’t stand when out shopping. At this point in your life, you don’t want to waste effort on false connections. You’d rather be alone than fake, and who could blame you?
2. You don’t want to hear other people complain incessantly.
You run into a neighbor at the store, and they immediately start moaning about all their health issues. Then, at the post office, you hear the staff griping about politics. This can all have a deleterious effect on your well-being.
In fact, according to Step to Health, hearing others complain all the time can cause (or intensify) depression and even affect concentration and problem-solving abilities.
As such, you likely evade most people whenever possible so you won’t be affected by their endless moaning.
3. You’re tired of remaining silent when others behave atrociously.
For the sake of keeping the peace, you may have held your tongue in the past when those around you have expressed bigoted and ignorant ideas or displayed blatant hypocrisy. Now, however, standing up for what you believe in and calling people out for atrocious behavior takes precedence over peacekeeping.
Remember how, when you were younger, your older relatives would say exactly what was on their minds and didn’t care what anyone else thought about it? This is how that started, and the torch is now yours to pick up.
4. You honestly aren’t interested in what’s happening in other people’s lives.
While in the past, you may have been inclined to fake interest in your colleague’s accordion marathon or how many socks their dog ate, you don’t have it in you to fake this enthusiasm with anyone anymore.
You likely have several interests and personal pursuits you enjoy and would rather devote your time to them than things that are important to others, especially when they have no relevance or bearing to you. Far too much of your time has been wasted by others already, and you aren’t prepared to waste any more.
5. You only have so much energy, so you dole it out selectively.
As we age, our energy levels dwindle significantly. Because of this, you’re likely very selective about when and how you expend yours. People who are rampant energy vampires leave you feeling drained, so you choose not to spend time with them anymore.
You gauge how much energy you have each day and prioritize the things that are important to you. This might include a walk with your dog or time spent on a favorite hobby, rather than participating in conversations you simply don’t want to have.
6. There are ten thousand things you’d rather be doing on your own.
Most people don’t get anywhere near enough alone time when they’re younger. Between school, work, family responsibilities, and childcare, they’re constantly inundated with obligatory communication and catering to other people’s needs.
Once middle age arrives and those obligations ease off a bit, there’s suddenly a wealth of alone time to be used for one’s own pursuits. Our solitude is defended fiercely after all those years of constant output, and anyone who makes demands on our time better have a damned good reason for doing so.
7. You can’t relax properly in other people’s company.
Few of us can be completely ourselves in other people’s company. We’re constantly performing in order to adhere to societal expectations, perpetually vigilant so we don’t say or do the “wrong” thing, while simultaneously keeping our posture erect and our bodily functions tightly reined in in order to be accepted by our peers.
You don’t have to do any of these things when you’re alone: you can be fully yourself without worrying about being judged by anyone around you. Solitude allows you to relax in whichever way you deem fit, so it’s no wonder you choose that over the alternative.
8. You don’t want to be interrupted.
Younger people seem to be able to multitask efficiently without going ballistic. As we age, however, we’re less resilient to task-switching, and it takes us longer to regain our concentration once it’s interrupted. This is due to the brain’s release of glutamate and cortisol, which induce stress and impair cognitive function and information retention.
You likely want to be able to fully immerse in your book, project, show, or whatever else it is you’re enjoying without other people interrupting you constantly. This full, uninterrupted immersion can only happen when you’re alone, and that’s why it’s so precious to you.
9. You’ve had enough.
You’ve been to so many gatherings over the years and expended so much energy for other people’s benefit, and you now feel like a raw, exposed nerve that just wants peace and quiet. You’ve also witnessed the same people making the same mistakes over and over again, just in different settings, and in the simplest terms, you’re over it.
You’ve had enough of the ridiculous game of charades that goes on all around you, and you’re opting out of participating in it anymore.
10. You only have so much useful time left.
Once middle age hits, we only have so much time left to work with. How much of that is going to be quality time that you can use for your chosen practice, exercise, or studies? You no longer want to waste it on pointless small talk or others’ demands. You want to spend it doing things you won’t regret.
As a result, you don’t want to be around people who will waste your time. Unless they’re involved in the project you’re working on or the pursuit you’re enjoying, you’re not interested in their company.
11. Your health issues take precedence.
This may seem a bit tactless, but it’s often true: many middle-aged people juggle several different chronic health conditions that drain and hurt them on a daily basis. While they may be able to put on a brave face temporarily, they’d rather make self-care a priority over hollow socializing.
If you have a health issue that interferes with your daily life, you probably don’t want other people around. It’s difficult enough to deal with chronic pain without having to pretend that you’re fine so that those around you aren’t uncomfortable.
12. You’re tired of heightened sensoria.
As we get older, many things seem to be much louder, brighter, and more overwhelming than they did when we were younger. This sensory overload can get overwhelming, especially if you’re neurodivergent, such as autistic, ADHD, or both (AuDHD). As such, a lot of us would rather enjoy stillness and quiet instead of cacophony.
You can control most of the sounds, scents, etc., in your own home, but you can’t turn the volume down on people’s speech, nor their scents, movements, and so on. As such, solitude truly is the most peaceful option.
