Every generation has its own milestones that society deems as measures of personal success. For our great-grandparents, these milestones may have included learning how to change a wagon wheel, while our Boomer parents were expected to have a house and 2.5 kids before the age of 30. Never mind all of that. If you’ve achieved these 12 milestones by the time you’ve reached middle age, you’re more successful than you realize.
1. “Stuff” doesn’t faze you anymore.
Some people never achieve this milestone, so if you’ve already attained it, that’s impressive. Basically, you’ve lived through more than your fair share of difficulties, and you’ve developed immense resilience and adaptability as a result.
Oh, there’s a power outage? Cool, you can cook outside or on/in the wood stove. Several ghosts have just danced through your living room? That’s fine.
You don’t get fazed by much anymore and simply take things in stride or take whatever action might be needed in the moment.
2. You have a solid idea of who you are.
If someone were to ask you who you are, you’d be able to answer that question without too much difficulty. You know yourself, you know what your values are, you understand the motivations behind your personal preferences, and you can accurately assess how your social circle would describe you to others. This knowledge is important, according to Psychology Today, as it allows us to better navigate the world we live in and understand what and how we contribute to it.
Many people go through life with only the vaguest sense of themselves and instead use all kinds of superficial or ephemeral aspects to define their personality. So, to move past all that and become a confident, strong individual is success indeed.
3. You’ve stopped hating the things about yourself that you can’t change.
Many people go through life completely despising the things about themselves that can’t be changed. Some of these might be physical traits such as height, skin color, or disabilities, while others might be psychological or cultural.
But if you’ve made acceptance the priority and do the best with what you have, rather than making self-loathing a cornerstone of your existence, you’ve passed a pretty epic milestone. This self-acceptance is also known as Unconditional Positive Regard, a term coined by humanistic psychologist Dr. Carl Rogers. It revolves around celebrating humanness rather than striving for an unrealistic goal of perfection.
4. You don’t feel threatened by other people’s differences and/or achievements.
Immature, insecure people who don’t have a strong sense of self often mock or criticize those who are different from themselves. They’ll put down those who achieve things that make them envious or exclude people who make them uncomfortable because they speak a different language, have additional needs or disabilities, or live a more unconventional lifestyle than they do.
But, a marker of security and success in life is whether you’re of the “live and let live” attitude and accept others exactly as they are. If you encourage their pursuits, support and defend their differences, and do not judge them, you’re doing pretty darn well at this thing we call life.
5. You’ve found at least one pursuit that fulfills you.
Not everyone has the luxury of transforming their passions into a career, but if you have at least one pursuit that you find immensely fulfilling and dedicate a significant amount of time and energy to by midlife, you’re more successful than most.
Ok, so the pursuit that you’re very passionate about may make you deeply unhappy at times, but you’re not seeking happiness here — you’re seeking the fulfillment of purpose. This is what keeps the heartbroken journalist going and the exhausted nurse. They’ve discovered their purpose and are determined to pour as much of themselves into it as possible while they can.
6. You’ve experienced real love.
Love comes in many forms, so this doesn’t necessarily mean a romantic affiliation. It could be a deep connection with a dear friend, dedication towards a child, unparalleled kinship with an animal companion, or a love of humanity so all-encompassing that it has propelled you towards a life in service to others.
Experiencing this kind of real love allows a person to evolve on countless levels. If you’ve caught a glimpse of it, then you’ve achieved something that many people will only dream about.
7. You’ve traveled somewhere important to you.
You may not have gone to live in a Nepalese ashram for a while, but you’ve been to an important place that expanded your heart and spirit. This might have been as simple as spending a week at a lakeside cottage, or you may have wept at finally seeing Stonehenge or the Taj Mahal in person.
You’ve travelled somewhere that has changed you, and that’s amazing.
“Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.” – Maya Angelou.
8. You no longer compare yourself or compete with others — even subconsciously.
When you notice yourself instinctively comparing either yourself or your achievements to others, you stop and recenter yourself. You’ve come to learn that everyone does things differently, and that’s absolutely okay. Even within a particular career skill set, people will have unique approaches and will shine in their own way.
You’ve learned that it’s immature to want to be “better” than everyone at everything, and because you put the childish need to compete aside, you are better able to learn from others’ different techniques.
9. You have authentic friendships.
There are people in your life who truly care about and appreciate you and would describe you positively if asked. You’ve been there for each other through thick and thin, and you sincerely trust one another.
These types of friendships can be quite rare, and rarer still are those that last for an entire lifetime. Many people never experience this kind of soul connection and only have superficial, fair-weather acquaintances and “buddies” throughout their lives who disappear any time things get difficult.
10. You’ve successfully overcome addiction.
Addiction can include many things ranging from substance abuse, smoking, or overeating to social media or sexual addictions. Anything that becomes more of a compulsion than a choice can fall into this category, and most people will deal with some type of addiction during their lifetime.
If you’ve overcome addiction — either through your own force of will or with help from others — then you’ve achieved an immeasurable amount of success. Please take a moment to acknowledge just how far you’ve come because you deserve it.
11. You’ve resolved trauma.
Healing from trauma takes many forms, and you’ve resolved yours in the way that’s best for you. For some people, this may be a situation of simple acceptance, while others might spend years journaling or working with therapists in order to heal old wounds.
Either way, you’ve moved past the injuries you’ve sustained and are now in a healthier, more stable mindset rather than clinging to a victim mentality. This doesn’t mean that the damage you sustained has been undone, but rather is like an old, faded scar that no longer aches.
12. You’ve transcended your fear of death.
Much like enlightenment, this is something that comes and goes depending on your current mindset. Some days, you’ll feel much more comfortable with the idea, while other days, you might feel a bit melancholy about imminent mortality.
That said, you don’t have a crippling terror of death, nor are you wracked with existential angst. You’ve accepted it as an inevitability and have decided to spend the rest of the time you have left here living with grace, gratitude, and as much joy as humanly possible.
