Confident people rely on these 8 strategies to gracefully handle awkward social situations
Awkward social situations happen. Not everyone gets every social interaction right, and that’s okay.
The good news is that you can plan ahead by having a few strategies in mind to handle awkward social situations when they arise. Confident people are often prepared for the unexpected.
Not only is it beneficial for you, but it puts you in a great place to help out someone who may be struggling with their own mistakes. Many people can’t handle being put on the spot, so a little outside help is a saving grace.
Regardless of who made the social faux pas, these eight strategies will help you recover the conversation and keep it moving forward confidently.
1. They don’t take awkwardness personally.
Confident people assume positive intent until proven otherwise. Most people aren’t trying to be malicious or cruel. Psychology Today reminds us that a lot of situations aren’t black and white, and that when in doubt, assume positive intent. In doing so, you are projecting the confidence that you aren’t under attack and the other person is acting in good faith if it’s not clear.
If it’s not clear whether or not an awkward situation is negative, ask clarifying questions to find out what the actual intent and meaning are, rather than making assumptions. Not only will that help the other person to better express themselves, but it also gives them a moment to stop and think before they answer. They may realize that they aren’t approaching the situation correctly.
It’s also a good idea not to draw attention to the awkwardness. Rephrase their statement as a question to make sure you understand, and treat it like they made all the right moves socially. They will be glad that you didn’t linger on it and make them feel self-conscious.
2. They stay calm and collected.
Calm and chaotic energy are both contagious. A confident person keeps control of themselves when they are in an awkward situation because they know that it’s not the end of the world. They don’t panic, they keep control over their body language and tone, and they don’t overreact. Overreaction is more contagious than calm energy, so it’s likely to make things worse.
But, what if you’re an excitable person? What if you can’t help that your emotions run out of control when you feel awkward? In that scenario, your best option is to stay quiet and let things play out how they will. By being quiet, you’re not making the situation worse. Sometimes that’s the best you can aim for.
3. They gently use humor.
What does it mean to “gently” use humor? There are some types of humor that are more appropriate for certain situations than others. Some people go too far, or they use their humor at other people’s expense. It may be fine to joke harshly with people you know, but it’s a bad idea in mixed company.
Don’t mock or make jokes at another’s expense. Don’t give in to the temptation to lighten the mood by making self-deprecating jokes. That will often have the opposite effect of what you’re looking for. As communication expert Rachel Beohm informs us, self-deprecating humor is too contextual to be reliable with a general audience. It can have the exact opposite effect to projecting confidence.
As someone on the Autistic spectrum, awkward social situations often cause me to feel like I need to do something immediately to fix the situation or ease the tension. I would often use a self-deprecating joke to do that. That does change the vibe, but it doesn’t really improve the energy. Instead, it just kind of shifts the tension in a different direction.
What I learned is that a self-aware, light-hearted joke can reset the energy in the room as it gives people a reason to chuckle or smile. Something like, “Well! I didn’t see that coming…” works for me and is unlikely to make things worse. A self-depreciating joke, on the other hand, is a risky approach because a lot of people don’t like them, or you may go too heavy. It’s best to keep it light.
4. They redirect the conversation.
Awkwardness can create a pause in conversation where everyone is waiting for someone else to say something to break the tension. Tension can linger because people may not know what to say, or they don’t want to make a situation worse by saying the wrong thing. That can make it even harder to get over the awkward moment.
In that scenario, you can ease the awkwardness and get the conversation moving again with simple redirection by asking an unrelated question or commenting on a different part of the conversation.
Open-ended questions are an excellent redirection. An open-ended question gives someone the freedom to start talking about themselves or their interests, which is often appreciated.
5. They read the room.
Many people communicate much more than they realize through body language and tone of voice. Furthermore, the general environment of the area can also dictate an appropriate way to communicate with others. For example, you shouldn’t be too personal if you’re in a professional social setting.
In an awkward situation, tension can build up, which can put a halt to the conversation or dramatically shift the tone. An exceptionally observant person will notice when the shift starts happening, but most don’t pick up on it until it’s already happened.
It may be starting to get awkward if a conversationalist starts stammering over their words or starts to seem overwhelmed. They will often exhibit nervous body language, like shifting their feet, rubbing their hands, or smoothing out their clothes. That’s a good time to interject and maybe shift the conversation to help overcome the awkwardness.
6. They acknowledge the awkwardness lightly.
Instead of pretending it didn’t happen, you might try acknowledging the awkwardness to turn it into a light part of the conversation. Most people will have seen or felt the tension, so it’s fine to acknowledge it when it’s appropriate.
But when is it appropriate? It’s appropriate when you’re talking about one of your own social missteps. “Well, that was awkward. Didn’t mean to do that!” and follow it with a big smile. That communicates to others that you are self-aware and you’re okay with owning it.
Do avoid acknowledging the awkwardness in other people, though. Redirection is the better approach here. If you acknowledge their awkwardness, even lightly, it may embarrass them or cause them to shut down defensively. It’s best to avoid drawing attention to the mistakes of others altogether.
7. They acknowledge their own mistakes.
Everyone is awkward sometimes. Everyone’s made a faux pas at some point. That’s why there is so much power in just acknowledging it, owning it, and moving on from it. Most people will be forgiving because we all know what it’s like to do that.
All you need to do is say, “I’m sorry, that came out wrong. What I meant was…” and then continue on with your conversation. If you don’t dwell on it, reasonable people won’t dwell on it either. They’ll just chalk it up to a social misstep and carry on with the conversation.
8. They don’t over-apologize.
People who are self-conscious or lack self-confidence will often over-apologize. They are trying to self-soothe and find a way to be okay with the overwhelming feelings they are having in the moment. They feel like they’re wrong, they did something wrong, and that the situation is far worse than it might actually be.
None of that is necessary. You only need to apologize once, address any comments that follow, and then move on to something else. If you don’t dwell on it, other people won’t dwell on it. The feelings of embarrassment and self-consciousness that you have when making a faux pas will pass.
All you need to do is stand firm, keep focused on the conversation at hand, and the feelings will pass.
Final thoughts…
Everyone makes mistakes. We’ve all been awkward and made a faux pas at some point. Even though you may feel embarrassed in the moment, it’s not something you need to agonize over because it will pass. Instead, try these simple strategies to make things easier on yourself or for someone else when conversation has gotten a little awkward.
