You’ve probably noticed that the majority of people you meet all seem to be following the same script. They dress alike, enjoy the same entertainment media, echo the same talking points, hit all the same milestones, and generally seem like they’ve been pumped out by an industrial machine.
In fact, chances are you might have felt pressured to do the same, as any deviation from this template is usually met with scorn. But life is far richer when you dance to your own tune, so here’s how to break free from the script and live a more authentic life.
1. Pay less attention to social media.
I deleted almost all of my social media accounts years ago and couldn’t be happier that I did. The constant barrage of posts by “influencers” who seek to dominate other people’s minds and behaviors was too appalling to contend with, and I found it increasingly more unsettling to see everyone online morph into clones of one another. And it’s not just me. Research is increasingly discovering that social media does real harm.
You don’t have to follow suit and quit social media, especially if you use it to stay in touch with your favorite people. Just pay less attention to it. Only follow accounts that resonate with you, delete all the dross, and spend more time looking at nature and your loved ones than screens.
2. Question everything others say you “should” do.
Whenever you find yourself thinking “Oh, I should…”, ask yourself why that is. We’ve all grown up hearing about all the things that we “should” do without really examining why that is. We often just do what we think is right and expected without examining the underlying reasons why. It’s time to start thinking for yourself.
An example of this might be someone who wants to transform their yard into an edible garden, only to be told that they should cultivate homogeneous lawns instead. When they ask the naysayers why, they usually can’t answer, or they’ll say “iT lOoKs NiCeR”, as if a bland green expanse that nobody uses is actually more appealing than a garden full of lush tomatoes, herbs, and flowers, bustling with bees and butterflies, visited by hedgehogs, foxes, and songbirds.
3. Let go of the need to be understood or accepted.
Many people base their life choices on whether others will approve of them or not, and invest precious time and energy into endeavors they don’t care about to earn accolades from peers and family. They let others define their happiness, which is never a good idea. If they happen to be strong enough to take their own path, they feel obligated to justify their choices to others’ satisfaction in order to validate them, and might still dampen their true desires to keep others content.
You don’t need to explain yourself to anyone, nor does it matter whether others “get” where you’re coming from or not. In fact, most people will never understand you because they can only process existence through the lenses of their own experience. As such, there’s no point in wasting precious time on such approval-seeking behavior.
4. Expand your mind by learning from a wide variety of sources.
If you’ve spent most of your life only hearing news and reading books, articles, and published papers by sources from your own country, expand outwards and immerse yourself in literature, news, art, and scientific studies from other parts of the world. You’ll soon discover both the similarities and discrepancies in different people’s ideas and approaches, and you’ll also become aware of startling biases, even at a professional level.
A good example of this is the Western bias towards a lot of Asian products, or the assumption that some countries are more “backwards” than others, when that isn’t the case at all. Read books and watch documentaries from other countries, learn about history from various perspectives, and listen to authentic stories in people’s own voices. It’s a lot easier to flip the script and live life your own way when you have a deeper understanding of both the world you live in and how you feel about it all.
5. Examine your beliefs to determine whether they’re yours or somebody else’s.
When asked why they follow certain religions or live their lives a particular way, most people will respond that it’s how they were raised. Social conditioning has programmed many people into simply following what others are doing around them, and they don’t spend much time thinking about why they’re following suit. They go through the motions that they’ve watched thousands of times, and don’t consider the countless other options available to them.
Examine everything you do on a daily basis, from the foods you choose to the music you listen to, the spiritual practices you uphold (or don’t), and the perspectives you have of both yourself and other people, and determine which of them you have chosen for yourself, and which you have inherited — or been indoctrinated with — by others. From there, you can figure out which you actually believe and want to continue upholding, and which beliefs you would like to change.
6. Find your own pattern.
If you can, spend a good deal of time by yourself, doing activities such as reading, crafts, camping, or gardening. By doing these things and not actively seeking or searching for your authentic self, you’ll find that your own pattern comes unbidden. You can’t force a plant to grow: it will do so at its own rhythm and pace, when it’s ready to. All you can do is provide all the right conditions for it to thrive. The same goes for your authentic self.
Set aside a significant amount of alone time and find out what your body’s authentic rhythms and patterns are. If you can, go to sleep when you’re tired and wake on your own terms rather than being governed by a tyrannical clock. Listen to your body when it tells you which foods will serve you best, and if you feel aversion or discomfort about spending time on an endeavor or with a particular person, that’s a good sign that they may not be a good fit for you.
7. Meditate.
This sounds easier said than done, especially with the constant demands we’re constantly subjected to, but meditation is one of the most powerful transformative tools at your disposal. Most people are overwhelmed by a constant onslaught of obligations and the non-stop chatter of brain gibbons, and it’s easier to acquiesce to other people’s ideas of “normalcy” than to create their own path.
The practice of sitting meditation, clearing one’s mind of thoughts and focusing on breath, can have a massively positive impact on breaking free of the herd. Staying in the present moment and keeping one’s mind clear, however, even for a short amount of time, is deceptively simple to describe and often monumentally difficult to attain. Furthermore, a meditation that works well for one person won’t necessarily work well for another. Active meditations like martial arts katas or yoga asanas work really well for some people, while others might prefer guided verbal meditations to help them empty their minds. Do some research on the many different types of meditation that are out there, try the ones that interest you the most, and then put those into regular practice.
8. Do things that others consider to be unconventional.
If you have the financial means to do so, go and live somewhere that’s completely different from your current environment for at least six months. Working holidays are great for this, as you can get a job onsite and get to know your local colleagues, but you can also work remotely via laptop if your company is amenable to that. If you can’t afford to travel right now, aim to spend a weekend at an ashram or other spiritual retreat instead.
Go to ethnic neighborhoods in cities close to you and interact with the people there — get to know them, try their cuisine, find out what moves them. Try camping on your own and sleeping outside under the stars instead of in a tent (as long as it’s safe to do so). Basically, try out the things that others think are weird, and find out for yourself whether you like or dislike them.
You might discover that you’re destined for an unconventional path in life. That you’d rather be a globe-trotting digital nomad than a cubicle jockey, that you prefer polyamory to monogamy, and that you’re far happier bathing in hot springs with capybaras than crying in the shower before work every morning.
Final thoughts…
It takes courage and resilience to live life your own way. Countless people will feel upset and resentful that you’re breaking free from the yokes that they have chosen, and will do everything in their power to draw you back to conformity. Most people just can’t handle authentic individuals. But know that despite the challenges that will arise from living authentically, the rewards are far greater and brighter than you can imagine.
The poet Mary Oliver once asked: “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”
Which will you choose: Compliance? Or authenticity?
