We’ve been hearing a lot about tradwives on social media these days, and there seems to be a great deal of discussion around them. Many people have preconceived ideas as to what being a tradwife entails, with pro and con arguments being tossed around either in favor of or fiercely against them. But what is a tradwife, and what type of man would seek out a partner who falls into this category?
What is a “tradwife”, exactly?
According to various online sources, a “tradwife” (a portmanteau of the words “traditional” and “housewife”) is a woman who believes in and practices traditional gender roles in marriage. As such, she’s likely to choose homemaking and child-rearing instead of pursuing a career, and is focused on supporting her husband and family.
If you do a quick search for “tradwife” on social media, you’ll find hundreds of images of smiling, fresh-faced young women wearing modest clothing (like long floral dresses), with immaculate hair and makeup. Some might dress like 1950s housewives while others have a Little House on the Prairie vibe, but they all give off the impression that they’re delighted and fulfilled with their domestic life choices.
It would seem that a lot of men want wives who will take care of them the way their mothers did, but will also submit to them both in and out of the bedroom; wives who will remain youthful-looking and energetic forever, and won’t mind being traded in for a younger model once they get too worn out from repeated pregnancies and non-stop domestic labor.
While you’re scrolling “tradwife” photos on social media, take note of how none of those images are of women over the age of 40.
There’s food for thought.
Common traits, behaviors, and expectations of tradwives.
Traits and expectations of tradwives will depend on an individual’s cultural background and personal leanings. For instance, there’s a lot of overlap between radical homemakers and tradwives, with confusion arising as to the difference between the two. For example, a startling number of younger women are choosing to learn traditional homemaking skills and are focusing on growing food, sewing, knitting, and homeschooling their children. They have no interest in being “girl bosses” and prefer the idea of a quieter, softer life.
They’ll share sourdough recipes on social media, make pickles and jams from home-grown produce, keep their homes sparkling clean, and spend their days wearing linen or woollen dresses and aprons like their great-grandmothers did. Essentially, their idols are Tasha Tudor and Caroline Ingalls rather than the Kardashians.
While many of these activities are also adopted by tradwives, the difference between the two is the submissive aspect associated with the latter. For example, many Catholic, Mormon, Baptist, and other conservative Christian tradwives adhere to the concept of “biblical marriage”, in which the wife submits to and serves her husband and family. This is often said to be inspired by Proverbs chapter 13, in which King Lemuel outlines the traits of an ideal wife.
In contrast, radical homemakers may look like tradwives — complete with long, flowing dresses, linen aprons, a baby under one arm and a chicken under the other — but their goals entail self-sufficiency, self-empowerment, and a working partnership with their spouses/partners. These women often pair up with men who have a wide variety of traditional skills as well, such as carpentry, blacksmithing, foraging/wildcrafting, and so on.
The latter relationships are all about balance, whereas the tradwife expectation is one of subservience and servitude. Tradwives often work until they collapse, much like Hannah Neeleman, a Mormon mother of eight and poster woman for tradwives everywhere. She is often so exhausted from mothering and housework that she has to spend an entire week in bed to recover her strength.
Why men may feel that they want a tradwife.
We live in an era in which traditional masculinity has been vilified and traditional, mature relationships are eschewed in favor of extended childhoods and non-committed polycules. There’s nothing wrong with alternative relationships if that’s what you’re into, but a lot of people still want a long-term partnership or marriage, a home, and children.
Men who want a committed marriage and family may be drawn to their perception of a tradwife because that feels like “home” to them. Maybe their mothers stayed at home while their dads worked hard all week and played with the kids on weekends. If home was their happy place growing up, then the idea of stepping into that dad/provider role and providing their wife and children with a dream life may be their ultimate goal.
Men like this want to be hardworking providers who can take care of their families, and who want a balanced, equal partnership with women who crave a domestic life in turn. Unfortunately, there are also a lot of controlling men who see tradwives as potentially easier to dominate and manipulate.
They might have grown up in an environment where mom ruled the roost and dad was emasculated, or they may not have had fathers in their lives at all. Alternatively, a man may be insecure around well-educated, strong-minded women and, as such, wants a domestic situation in which he’s the ultimate ruler, where his wife and kids do what the paterfamilias wants or needs on demand.
A man like this may desire this fantasy because if he earns the money, the woman in his life will take care of literally everything else, catering to him the way his mom did while single-handedly shouldering the housework and childcare. Furthermore, he may want to ensure that his family looks and behaves exactly as he likes, without running the risk of potentially losing his wife via divorce. He may be fond of the idea that once they’re married, his wife essentially belongs to him until death parts them.
I briefly found myself in a tradwife dynamic with a former partner of mine, and it was terrifying to see how quickly he changed from being my equal to someone who wanted to control every aspect of my life. For many men, being the breadwinner means they have a full say in what their partner does, what they spend, how they spend, and when. He owns his woman, and that’s just how he likes it.
But do they want to be a tradhusband?
A significant number of men who want tradwives don’t want to be tradhusbands in turn. They love the idea of a wife who’ll grow and preserve garden vegetables and use them in delicious home-cooked dinners; who tends chickens and raises children whom they tuck into bed beneath hand-stitched quilts, but what are they providing in turn?
- Do they have carpentry skills so they can build raised garden beds and greenhouses in which their wives can grow those crops?
- Are they strong enough to chop all the firewood and haul massive bags of soil and fertilizer?
- Can they kill a chicken for their wife to cook?
- And most importantly, are they prepared to take on the responsibility of doing all the financial breadwinning so they can afford to support stay-at-home wives and children?
It’s a very real and unfortunate reality that many men who want tradwives just want a fantasy ideal that requires nothing on their part.
Essentially, they want their cake — made with home-raised eggs and freshly milled flour — and to eat it too, without providing the support that will facilitate said cake-baking.
They often reference the things their grandmothers used to do for their grandfathers, such as having a home-cooked meal on the table by six p.m., taking care of all the laundry, cleaning, etc., while simultaneously forgetting that their granddads worked long hours on farms and in factories. They usually handed their pay over to their wives for household management, and then handled wood chopping, home and vehicle repairs, and so on.
Furthermore, when they cite the aforementioned Proverbs bible chapter, they also conveniently forget that the “ideal wife” mentioned in that chapter was making items to sell at the market, and had female handmaidens to help her with daily home management. She wasn’t doing everything herself.
Most of the men who want tradwives are idealizing a life with a subservient wife who takes care of all household responsibilities, but who will also contribute to the household finances so she won’t be a “gold digger”. The workload expectation is of the wife carrying 80 percent or more and having little to no time of her own, serving her husband little snacks and darning his socks while he watches TV, much to his delight and satisfaction. A man who behaves like this is most certainly not embodying the traits of a man who “…is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.” Proverbs 13:23.
A man like this doesn’t want a wife: he wants a slave.
