Just about all of us have made fun of older people for their behaviors and foibles at some point. Teenagers and 20-somethings in particular will gently tease their parents and grandparents for doing “old people” things, never realizing that in a few short decades, they’ll be in the exact same age bracket, doing the exact same things.
The senior-isms listed below are some of the most common things that youthful people have to look forward to, and they’ll start happening sooner than expected.
1. Forgetting people’s names.
Most of us made fun of the older people in our lives when we were young because they could never get anyone’s name right. When a parent yelled at one of our siblings, they would cycle through all the names of everyone in the house (including pets), as well as the names of their brothers, sisters, friends, and neighbors, until they finally got the name right.
Then there was hell to pay.
According to Scientific American, forgetting names is one of the first signs that we’re truly aging and that our memories are starting to lose functionality. Playing memory games and learning new languages may help to delay this a bit, but everyone will call their partner by their pet’s name at least once — you can count on that.
2. Repeating stories they’ve told before.
Young people often groan and roll their eyes when their elder relatives relay the same story they’ve told dozens (if not hundreds) of times before. They already know every detail about that great adventure granddad had, or the time aunt whatshername met that famous person, because they talk about it whenever they have the opportunity to do so.
Apparently, this often happens because the pleasant memories we create in our younger years become more prominent as we get older, especially when there are more years behind us than there will be ahead of us. When life for an older person gets difficult and bleak, we draw from our happiest memories and want to share them with those we love.
3. Making groaning/huffing noises when bending over or getting out of a chair.
It’s very humbling to realize that we’re doing “old people things” that we mocked our elders for in the seemingly recent past. One of the things I used to tease my older relatives about was the “elder groan” that they’d emit when getting out of a deep chair or picking something up off the floor from a standing position.
I did this for the first time a couple of years ago, much to my chagrin and my partner’s amusement. We joked that we harmonize well, since her joints crackle and creak randomly in tune with my huffing. The reality of the situation is that as we get older, we simply aren’t as limber or physically efficient as we used to be. Age Action Alliance tells us that we lose muscle strength and develop pain in our joints, which often gets expressed as a tense huff or groan when we move. The best thing a person can do to counteract this is to remain as active and flexible as possible, but also to accept the inevitable physical changes with grace and a good sense of humor.
4. Peeking out of the blinds/curtains when they hear someone outside.
As we age, we grow accustomed to (and comfortable with) rhythms and routines. We know that the mailman will come by at a particular time of day, and what our neighbors’ cars sound like as they come and go. We get less tolerant of disruption and have little patience for those who intrude upon our peace.
This is why, when old people hear an unfamiliar sound in front of their homes, they’ll peer out from the curtains to see what’s going on. It’s a way of familiarizing themselves with the unexpected without having to deal with it directly, rather like screening phone calls. Additionally, if what’s going on outside is potentially dangerous, checking it out from a safer distance is usually a better idea than just going storming out there in slippers to see what’s going on.
5. Having an arsenal of pills and supplements within easy reach.
It’s both disheartening and a bit hilarious when the body you’ve inhabited for decades and thought you knew inside and out starts to betray you after you hit age 40 or so. If you exercise and eat well, you’ll hopefully still be on good terms with it, of course… but it’ll likely need a bit of extra TLC as far as supplements and other accoutrements are concerned.
As a result, the people who mocked old folks for always having antacids or painkillers on hand will suddenly wake up and discover that they have a Lazy Susan of pills, lotions, potions, and other notions on their bedside table. They likely also have travel packs in their pockets or handbags, so when the inevitable arthritic cramp or indigestion kicks in, they don’t have to suffer through it until they get home.
6. Having full-blown relationships with local inanimate objects.
This one slowly manifests over time until there’s an abrupt realization that one has a mutually abusive relationship with the weed whacker. Furthermore, they’ll have a favorite fork that had better not go missing or get used by anyone else in the house, or there will be hell to pay.
The same young folks who could sleep soundly on a hard-backed chair while music blared all around them will end up with a favorite pillow (and pillowcase), a white noise machine or fan that’s their beloved nighttime companion, a toothpaste brand that they stock up on lest they run out of it one day, and at least one mug that they absolutely despise and refuse to use on principle.
7. Randomly falling asleep.
We’ve all seen older people fall asleep on the couch or comfy chair after a meal, or drift off on the bus or subway after work. We used to snicker about them as teenagers, laughing at their “senior moments”, secure in the knowledge that we’d never end up that way ourselves.
Next thing we know, we’re nodding off on public transit and missing our stops, or passing out after dinner while watching some insipid true crime drama on TV. We might drift off at our desks at work, or splayed out on the floor after cuddling the dogs for a few minutes. Sleep can be so elusive that our bodies seem to shut down at random whenever they need to reboot.
8. Endlessly talking about complete and total BS.
As young people inevitably age, they may find themselves talking nonsense for hours while those around them look utterly checked out. What started as a well-meaning story or discussion devolves into a diatribe about the weather, uncomfortable shoes, what happened in 1994, and whether maple syrup is considered military food rations.
Five hours later…
Most young people make fun of old folks for rambling on at length, and don’t realize the slow evolution they experience that makes them do exactly the same thing. They’ll start telling a friend or family member about something really cool that happened to them, and that’ll derail into a trip down memory lane, and… and…
9. Choosing to go to bed early.
A young person will generally start getting ready to go out clubbing or partying around ten p.m., and may wander home around two or three in the morning with a dodgy shawarma clenched tenaciously in one fist, and a vacant look on their face that tells the world they’ve had a damned good night.
In contrast, older people are far more guarded with the events they attend, and it’s one of the reasons their friendship circle tends to shrink as they get older. If a get-together is set to go on past nine p.m., they’ll decline because that’s when they’ll be winding down for sleep. If the thing doesn’t even start until that time, they won’t even dignify the invitation with a “maybe.” They’ll simply make disapproving clucking noises and pull another throw blanket over their aching knees.
Final thoughts…
Although some people might get a bit depressed at the realization that they’re starting to behave like their parents or grandparents, it’s good to remember one very important thing: aging is a privilege that’s denied to many, and there’s still a lot of joy to be had as we get older.
Sure, we might have difficulty finding the glasses that are perched on our heads, and we’ll turn down certain foods because they’ll aggravate our dyspepsia, but we can still hug our loved ones and enjoy our favorite things for as long as we’re still around.
