Have you ever mentioned something to other people that you always thought was normal, and then they look at you as though you just sprouted another head? This is because what’s a regular occurrence to one person might never even occur to someone else.
In the case of overthinkers, the way they process the world (and existence in general) is inconceivable to those who don’t dissect and overanalyze every thought or experience. Below are some of the main mental processes that overthinkers think are normal, but would surprise and even horrify everyone else.
1. Acute social anxiety.
Overthinkers tend to spend so much time worrying about what other people think about them that they’re often plagued with social anxiety, according to Simply Psychology. They’ll agonize over clothing choices just in case a random stranger judges them poorly when they drop off their kids, or they’ll avoid going to places they’d really like to visit in case they embarrass themselves in front of witnesses.
They’ll overthink and overanalyze every possible perspective or outcome, crippled by the thought of other people watching them or making fun of them, and they may hate socializing as a result. Those who aren’t overthinkers can’t conceive of this kind of thing being a cause for concern: if someone doesn’t like what they’re wearing, or if they spill their latte on their shirt, who cares? It’s a non-issue to them.
2. Negative daydreaming.
Overthinkers often obsess over a terrifying future that is yet to happen. This might have been a survival trait that served our Neolithic ancestors well, because they could anticipate all potential dangers in a forthcoming situation and therefore attempt to avoid them. Nowadays, however, centering one’s contemplations on all potential “bad things” can take an individual down a deep, unhealthy rabbit hole of “what ifs”.
Focusing on all the things that could go wrong in the future can rob the present moment of its peace. Now, this is quite different from considering worst-case scenarios and coming up with smart contingency plans in case of an imminent catastrophe. Having survived forest fires and tornadoes, I can definitely attest to the importance of the latter, but obsessing about all the bad possibilities becomes detrimental if you allow these neurotic thoughts to spiral.
3. Ruminating over every past mistake they’ve ever made.
The average person might wince occasionally when they remember a social faux pas or ridiculous workplace error they made at some point in the past, but it’ll pass quickly. In contrast, an overthinker will often lie awake night after night, ruminating over awkward or embarrassing things they’ve said or done — even if that thing happened several decades before.
This is called “ruminating” because it’s like how ruminant animals (like cows) keep regurgitating food from their stomach compartments to re-chew and re-digest them. Those who aren’t overthinkers see no benefit to fixating on past events that they can never change, so it would never occur to them to do so.
4. Worrying about whether things they’re doing are perfect or not.
For most people, doing the best they can at any given pursuit is just fine for them. They aren’t going to slack off about them — they’ll still pour sincere time and energy into their endeavors — but if they don’t get 100% on an exam or high accolades for a project, it’s not going to affect them too deeply.
Meanwhile, overthinkers are often intense perfectionists who feel the need to do everything amazingly well in every small detail of their lives. They might clean obsessively, or pick apart creative projects if even the slightest flaw is present; otherwise, that mistake will haunt their dreams. This might be satisfying to those who are doing so (when it isn’t stressing them to the point of breakdowns), but frustrating or incomprehensible to everyone else.
5. Hyperfixation on what a person might have meant in conversation.
In the same way that overthinkers will fixate on any possible misstep they might have made in the past, they’ll also fixate on what other people might have meant in their interactions with them. They’ll look for the hidden meanings in tone, phrasing, body language, and timing, picking apart every interaction to see if there might be a message hidden between the lines.
Most other people don’t do this at all. They take what others say at face value instead of assuming that there was some hidden agenda or subtext to what was said to them, and they certainly don’t keep running these exchanges through their heads and overanalyzing them for weeks, months, or years!
6. Hypochondria.
The average person doesn’t freak out over the tiniest change in their health or body and then spend days (or weeks) doing research to find out whether they have malaria-ebola-cancer or not. They might look at a new freckle and think “huh, I’ll keep an eye on that”, and then continue to go about their day, or make a mental note to talk to their GP eventually about an occasional belly upset.
It would never cross their mind to immediately jump to worst-case scenario thinking, assuming that every body change means imminent suffering and/or death. Meanwhile, overthinkers overanalyze every subtle change in their lives and often visit doctors numerous times per year for reassurance that they aren’t on death’s door.
7. Constantly questioning whether their relationship is going well or not.
Sadly, a lot of overthinkers end up damaging perfectly healthy relationships by obsessing over whether they’re going well or not. Instead of just having a relationship and enjoying every moment as it unfolds, they’ll pick apart every interaction to determine whether some change has taken place, i.e., if their partner hugged them for 0.9 seconds less than they did the day before, or didn’t show the right amount of enthusiasm about a meal, etc.
This hyperanalysis and insecurity can lead to them requiring more and more reassurance from their partner, which can drive a wedge between them. In other cases, the overthinker might get accusatory about their assumptions and end up alienating the partner over something that never happened.
8. Gift-giving options (sometimes months or longer in advance).
The majority of people will make a few notes about what their loved ones like so they have an idea of what to get them for their birthday or holiday, and feel satisfied about doing the best they can. Bonus points if the recipient really likes what they were given. They might spend a few hours perusing websites or shops for something special, but once they’ve decided, they’re done.
Overthinkers, in contrast, may spend months agonizing over getting the “right” gift for someone they care about, and scrutinize it from every single angle to make sure it’s perfect. They might even buy several items and then decide later which to give them, all the while worrying terribly that they’ve picked the wrong one. Then, they’ll watch with baited breath when their loved one opens it so they can overanalyze their reactions.
Final thoughts…
There is no right or wrong way to experience existence in a human body, but overthinking can certainly make life on this planet more stressful. We can’t necessarily reprogram the thought processes we were born with (for example, if overthinking is a result of neurodivergence), but if overthinking has developed due to past difficulties, actions can be taken to mitigate it.
Cognitive behavioral therapy techniques like identifying and challenging negative thoughts, mindfulness, and coping strategies can go a long way towards reducing overthinking and making life a bit calmer and more peaceful overall.
