When you think about the things that people have done over the years that really made you feel special and appreciated, what stands out? You may not remember all the gifts or experiences you’ve had since early childhood, but the memories of when people have made you feel seen, loved, special, and appreciated are undoubtedly crystal clear.
If you want to have that kind of effect on those around you, consider doing the little things mentioned here. Some of the most poignant and powerful actions are small but sincere gestures, rather than grandiose ones.
1. Pay attention to what’s important to them.
When those close to us feel safe enough to be open and vulnerable in our presence, they’ll share little details about what’s important to them. They might mention toys or experiences they had in childhood that they miss terribly, or share their love of “silly” little things like nudibranchs or buttons.
Ask them about their interests, make the effort to learn about them, and keep notes on what they’ve told you. That way, when you’d like to surprise them with something special, you have an arsenal of information to draw from. They like rocks? Then a trip to the natural history museum might be in order. They’re a massive Tolkien fan? Learn how to tell them how much you love them in Elvish, etc.
2. Anticipate their needs.
One of the most loving things someone can do for another is to anticipate their needs and take action to make sure they’re fulfilled. For example, when I know that my partner has been out working on the land for a while, I’ll prepare food and put the kettle on, so he’ll have sustenance the moment he walks through the door. Similarly, if I’ve been out running errands all day, I’ll come home to find that he’s run me a bath and set up a film for me to watch afterwards.
When we get to know the things that nurture and replenish those we care about, we can pay attention to their day-to-day rhythms and anticipate their needs. Once those have been identified and preferences established, we can put real effort into taking care of those needs for them so they can rest and rejuvenate.
3. Cook for them.
Just about every person on the planet has a few favorite foods, whether they’re toe-curling meals or comfort snacks. Having someone you care about cook you a meal or show up with a basket full of your favorite treats when you’ve had a rough day (or even simply because they adore you and want to surprise you) can make a person feel immensely loved and special.
It’s easy to do this for a person you’ve known forever because you’ve spent so much time with them, but a bit more difficult for someone you’re just starting to date, be friends with, etc. If the relationship is fairly new, take notes on the types of foods they eat when the two of you get together to get an idea of their favorites. Similarly, do recon about their food allergies, dislikes, and so on: that way, you won’t accidentally poison them or make them feel obligated to eat a food gift that makes them want to retch.
4. Massage or similar soothing physical assistance.
This one works particularly well for people whose primary love language is physical touch, but can be appreciated by just about everyone in the right circumstances. For example, if your significant other has sore muscles or joints, then learning therapeutic massage techniques can help alleviate their pain while helping the two of you bond even further.
Alternatively, if the person isn’t your romantic partner but you still want to help alleviate their discomfort, there are other options. For example, you can make a hot foot soak with some Epsom salts for a friend or relative whose feet are sore, or prepare a hot water bottle for someone who has cramps or a sore back.
5. Protect their peace.
One thing that can go a long way to show someone that you love and appreciate them is to ensure that their life is as harmonious, peaceful, and joyful as possible. As such, protecting their peace and doing what you can to support them in their pursuit of peace is one of the most important things you can do.
This can take different forms, ranging from running interference if other family members try to bother them when they’re decompressing or having a bath, to refraining from your own potentially disruptive pursuits if they’re feeling frayed. For example, you might love heavy metal, but if your partner or friend is going through a rough time, you can listen to it on headphones rather than blasting it out in the living room.
6. Be specific in your expressions.
Telling someone that you love everything that they do is great, and can make them feel appreciated to an extent, but being specific about exactly what it is that you appreciate is a better way to make them feel loved, seen, and truly appreciated. That’s because mentioning specifics isn’t a blanket statement that may be construed as simple lip service.
For example, saying “I really liked the dinner you made tonight” is great, but saying “it means a lot that you added X ingredient, since I’ve only told you once how much I like it” tells the person that you see the effort that they’ve put into preparing it for you. Essentially, you haven’t taken their efforts for granted, and you appreciate them on several different levels.
7. Adapt to their changing tastes/interests when it comes to gift giving.
Most of us have experienced awkward frustration when someone has given us a gift that we might have been interested in years before, but have either grown out of or moved on from. A perfect example might be a parent getting their adult child something they loved when they were eight or 17, then getting upset when it wasn’t appreciated.
The key is to remain up to date about what a person’s preferences and interests are. You might think it’s lovely to send an old friend a holiday hamper full of tasty snacks, but that’ll go over like a lead balloon if you send a wine and meat-lover’s parcel to a newly minted sober vegetarian. The underlying theme here is how much attention you’re paying to them as a person rather than an abstract concept.
8. Read them a bedtime story (or similar).
This may not be for everybody, but some people love to be read to before they go to bed. It reminds them of simpler, happier times, and it’s always lovely to drift off to the sound of someone you love telling you a story. I love it when my partner reads to me (and vice versa), but if either of us has a sore throat or doesn’t have the energy for it, we’ll put on an audiobook and listen to it together as we wind down.
Different people have different preferences, of course, so this can be tailored to suit individual likes and dislikes. One couple I know uses a night sky projector to turn their bedroom into a planetarium, and they discuss just about everything while watching stars and meteors dance overhead. Other friends are musicians, and will either play music for one another or together, either with one singing while the other plays guitar, harp, etc., or harmonizing beautifully.
Final thoughts…
As with just about everything, making someone feel special, loved, and appreciated can take different forms depending on the individual. The efforts mentioned here can be adapted to just about anyone’s preferences, but they’ll all show the one you adore just how much you care about them.
They may not all suit the person in question, but you can be sure that there are at least a few things on this list that’ll lift their spirits exponentially. They may seem little, but they have a huge impact, especially when done often and consistently.
