A startling number of people are choosing the single life as they get older, compared to past generations. In fact, according to recent research, a record high of Americans over the age of 40 have never been married. Plus, there are many divorcees over the age of 50 who choose not to remarry, nor get into serious relationships again.
So why are so many people choosing the single life instead of partnering up? The reasons listed below are some of the most common.
1. They would rather be alone than double their labor.
Those who have been married or had long-term committed partnerships in the past know how much labor — mental, emotional, and physical — goes into this type of union. Furthermore, they also recognize how much lighter and freer they felt after those relationships ended. For many of them, they felt like beasts of burden who were finally unyoked after years of heavy servitude.
If they remain single, the only labor they need to take care of is that which concerns them personally. They don’t have to micro-manage two people’s lives, reminding their partner to take their medications or meet their deadlines, nor do they need to cook, clean, or pick up after anyone but themselves.
2. They value the peace that can be found in solitude.
Those who live alone don’t have to deal with the incessant irritations that come from cohabiting with a spouse or partner. They aren’t kept awake by someone’s snoring or CPAP machine, or getting perpetually annoyed by finding empty bottles in the bathroom or fridge that nobody else has bothered to replace. Additionally, they don’t have to deal with another person’s chronic complaining or never-ending demands on their time.
For many people, the mental health benefits that they enjoy by remaining single far outweigh anything they’d achieve by partnering up. They can breathe and relax instead of perpetually bracing themselves for whatever issue will arise next.
3. Freedom to do as they like, when they like.
One of the best aspects of single life is the complete freedom to live life on your own terms. If you want to paint the living room orange or sublet your space to live on a cruise ship for six months, you can absolutely do that without having to negotiate terms or explain your choices to anyone.
It’s interesting to note that another aspect of this type of freedom is that a lot of older people may choose to explore more unconventional types of relationships. Some are enjoying having several “friends with benefits”, while others are cultivating polyamorous partnerships without the pressure of commitment.
4. The ability to immerse in their own pursuits.
Few things are as maddening as getting perpetually interrupted when you’re trying to immerse yourself in your own interests. You may have to read the same paragraph over and over again because someone you live with keeps asking you where their various belongings are, or have to start a creative project from scratch because they’ve damaged something you were working on.
When people live alone, they don’t have to worry about any of that. They can luxuriate in their own pursuits without having anyone else barge in and startle them out of their reverie. Nor do they have to deal with anyone mocking them for their hobbies or disparaging their progress.
5. Prioritizing time with family and friends.
While some people enjoy having a romantic partner to spend life with, others prefer to prioritize time with their family and friends. Many have tight friend groups that they see several times a week, go travelling with, and so on, while others have close family bonds.
As people get older, they may prefer to be a dedicated aunt, uncle, grandparent, or caregiving child to an aging parent, devoting all their time and energy to family members and close friends. If they marry or partner up again, that person will demand more attention than they may be willing or able to offer them. By staying single, they aren’t forced to choose.
6. Nothing ties them down to one particular place.
Some people choose a more nomadic lifestyle when they get older, or dream about retiring to a beautiful, peaceful place to live out their golden years. Unfortunately, their spouses or partners may have other ideas and are reluctant to uproot from their cozy comfort zones.
If a person has always dreamt of retiring to Portugal to live out their days among orange trees and sandy beaches, but their spouse steadfastly wants to stay in the same borough they’ve grown familiar with over several decades, they’ll likely be stuck doing the latter. The single life has fewer tethers and therefore more opportunities to fly freely.
7. An existence that’s free from conflict.
Just about everyone who has been in a romantic relationship has had to deal with some type of conflict at one point or another. This may have been as simple as arguing about whether to allow the cat outdoors or keep it solely as an indoor pet, or arguments over things like politics, dietary ethics, or whether one or the other was right about a particular topic or not.
With single life, these types of conflicts are utterly non-existent. There’s nobody to argue with, and no time wasted walking on eggshells or bracing for the next uncomfortable onslaught. This kind of lifestyle is particularly appealing to those who have been in tumultuous or abusive relationships in the past: as appealing as a relationship might be at times, a life free from conflict might be significantly more attractive on every level.
8. No risk of betrayal.
It’s a sad thing to admit, but if a person isn’t in a relationship, there’s no chance of getting screwed over by their partner. A quick look at Reddit reveals countless heartbreaking stories about people whose spouses have left them with something like 250k debt, or were found to have other whole families that they never admitted to. Experiencing this kind of thing can destroy a person on countless levels and may even cause irreparable harm.
For people who have been burned in the past — or who want to avoid even the risk of being on the receiving end of this kind of betrayal — the single life is the safest option available. After all, if they don’t allow anyone into their life intimately, nobody can get close enough to damage them badly. They’ve seen enough of their friends and family members harmed by situations like these and learned the lesson that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, indeed.
Final thoughts…
Just because the single life is an attractive option for many as they age, that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with those who choose to marry again or remain in long-term relationships.
It’s just the case that these days, fewer people are dependent upon their spouses to remain housed and fed into their golden years. As such, they have the opportunity to live happily on their own, should they choose. Quite frankly, since they’re no longer forced to remain coupled for the sake of personal security, they’d simply prefer not to. And that’s completely okay.
