Life would be much easier to navigate if it were smooth sailing on calm seas all the time. It never works out that way, however, and every individual will have to deal with various storms over the course of their life.
Having a stalwart partner who you know will be your safe haven through whatever life may throw at you can make life’s travails much easier to navigate. Here’s how to ensure that your partner knows you are their safe harbor, no matter what life throws at them.
1. Ask how you can best support them.
You hopefully know your partner inside and out, and you’ve likely already weathered many storms together. As a result, you’ve probably learned that they may not always need the same thing from you. One situation may call upon your strength to help them through difficulty, while in another, they’d prefer to talk it out or sit in silence together.
One of the best ways you can be your partner’s safe haven through the storms they face in life is to check in regularly to determine how you can help, rather than assuming one type of action is correct because that’s the type of help that worked for them in the past.
Different scenarios require different approaches, and communicating about what works best can be immensely beneficial, and it avoids inadvertently making things worse.
2. Show, as well as telling.
A lot of us have known people who have told us that they had our backs, that they’d be with us “no matter what,” only to bail at the first sign of difficulty.
Reassuring words are all well and good, but actually showing your partner that you’ll always be there is the best way to let them know that you have their back.
My partner and I trust each other completely because we’ve both shown each other that we’ll remain steadfast through any storm. We’ve been through things together that offered plenty of opportunity for either of us to walk away because it would have been easier or less stressful to do so.
We never have, though, thereby reinforcing to one another that neither of us is going anywhere, regardless of how turbulent life’s waters may get.
3. Seek to be the calm point in your loved one’s life.
We will all have great trials and tribulations to navigate on our respective life paths. As such, it’s likely you’ll be experiencing your own stress during a particularly difficult time for your partner.
But when your partner’s need is greater than yours, a great (albeit difficult) thing to do for your partner is to be an individual who emanates calm and strength, wherever possible. You could be dealing with stress or internal turmoil as well, but try not to let that overspill onto your partner when they’re going through difficulty.
By working to regulate your own emotions and displaying strength through serenity, you will automatically become a safe haven for your loved ones.
Often, people get so caught up in their own problems that there’s no space left for anyone else. Or, quite frankly, no one wants to go near them as they’ll undoubtedly be subjected to a torrent of complaints and self-pity. Instead, be a serene, strong rock for them in their time of need, and they’ll feel much safer and stronger with you by their side.
4. Give them space rather than adding to the turmoil.
When your partner is really going through difficulty, sometimes the best thing you can give them is space. There can often be a drive to “fix them and make them feel better,” but that’s often more about you than them. Essentially, by fixing the problem they’re dealing with, you become the hero of the story and feel better about yourself while also alleviating their difficulty.
A better approach is to recognize that often even your best, well-meaning efforts are doing nothing but adding to the weight that they’re experiencing.
An excellent way you can help is to step back and gently let them know that you are ready if and when they need a hand. Or make them a nice snack or beverage before leaving them to their thoughts once more.
Less is often more. By giving them space, you actually help them find the answers they need rather than having long, stressful conversations.
A good example of this is a friend of mine who broke up with his girlfriend because he was so frustrated that he “couldn’t help her.” All he needed to do was give her some space and time, but instead, he had to try to “fix” things quickly and thus ended up damaging them irreparably.
5. Ensure that your home is peaceful.
A very strong path to ensure a harmonious life for your partner is to make sure that your living space is peaceful. Of course, this can be affected by the chaos that children and pets can provide, but you can prioritize peace by not hosting big family get-togethers or sports ball parties while your partner is dealing with intense stress.
If you notice your partner feeling angry, tired, worn down, and fed up by constant overstimulation at home, determine how you can help to reduce the chaos.
Maybe you could arrange for the kids to stay at their grandparents’ place for a few days. Clear away clutter, put on some gentle classical music if they like it (think Ludovico Einaudi or Chopin’s Nocturnes rather than Wagner), get takeout rather than clattering around in the kitchen, and so on.
6. Be completely fair and transparent about expenses.
Partnerships require an equal amount of give and take in order to thrive. Sometimes one partner needs to lean on the other temporarily, and that’s understandable. The key is to be open and honest, even when it’s difficult, rather than obfuscating anything to soothe individual egos.
This isn’t about chasing each other down for the dollar extra spent on shampoo last week, but rather being transparent about expenses and sharing them as equally as possible.
Few things can break a person’s trust like finding out that their partner has been putting expenses on credit for months, or spending money on hobbies instead of sharing grocery bills.
Shared expenses are part of a relationship, and it takes a huge load off your partner when they know they can lean on and trust you when needed.
And if you’re out of work and they are the only one earning money at the time, be upfront with them. You love them, you don’t want to be in the dynamic of owing anything, and you can meet them more than halfway with all the other labor that has to be done.
This could involve helping them with their work, or tackling domestic tasks, cooking, etc., in order to keep things balanced and fair.
7. Never betray them.
This concept seems obvious, but it eludes a lot of people because they don’t take small betrayals into account.
Big betrayals like cheating on them or stealing from them are obvious, but the small transgressions accrue to be just as deleterious to the relationship.
For example, you may think it’s fun or funny to tease your partner about things they don’t like, or gang up on them with your friends or family, but actions like these show them that they can’t truly trust you.
Even if they really love you, that love won’t be able to be maintained indefinitely because trust is fundamental, and your actions are eroding it one grain at a time.
By always being true to your partner, in both the big and the small ways, you demonstrate that you are the one person that they can always turn to and depend upon, no matter how bad things may get.
8. Prioritize them over anything or anyone else.
Feeling like you’re not a priority to your partner can feel like death by a thousand small cuts. In contrast, knowing that your partner would drop anything and everything to prioritize you makes them feel completely safe in the knowledge that you’ll stand by them, no matter what.
Many people claim that they’d take a bullet for their spouse or do some other kind of grandiose gesture, but would they cancel plans with friends for their partner? Or set aside their favorite show or hobby to sit with their partner if needed? It’s showing up for the small things and consistently showing them that they’re always your priority that will reassure them that you will always — ALWAYS — be their safe haven in the storm.
Final thoughts…
It’s a wonderful feeling to know that you are your partner’s rock in stormy seas, and to be confident that you can help them through anything. You’ve chosen this person to walk by your side through life, and they’ve chosen you in turn.
In that vein, every time you show them that you’ve got their back, it reinforces their dedication to be the same for you. When two people are dedicated pillars of support for one another, there’s no storm in the world that can knock them down.
