Chronic complainers have the uncanny ability to suck all the light and joy out of whatever situation they’re in. Furthermore, they aren’t just making those around them miserable: they’re creating a veritable bog of misery for themselves that they seem determined to wallow in.
Interestingly enough, many of the problems they gripe about aren’t actually that bad, though. The ones listed below are some of the most common complaints they have. And the funny thing is, they could choose not to be miserable about them, but they don’t, for whatever reason.
1. That others have the audacity to do things that they don’t like.
A lot of people seem to get terribly put out by the fact that the other human beings who share this planet with them do things that they may dislike. They’ll complain that someone at the office changed her hair color again, or that the neighbors cooked something outdoors that they didn’t find appealing, and so on.
This “main character syndrome” seems to make countless people think that the world should revolve around their personal preferences. They see anything that they don’t like as a personal affront and even try to control other people’s behaviors to suit their own wants. Then, when these sovereign individuals refuse to adapt to their whims, they’ll take offense and be even more miserable about the entire situation.
2. Things they’re powerless to change.
Most of us know at least one curmudgeon who’s always complaining about the weather. To them, it’s either too hot, too cold, too windy, too rainy — essentially, always the polar opposite to the type of weather they’d prefer on any particular day. Yet it doesn’t take much effort to adapt to whatever’s going on outside: it’s just a matter of either dressing correctly to go out into it or adjusting your plans accordingly.
Similarly, they may complain fruitlessly about all the awful things going on in the world. It’s true that a lot is happening out there right now, but there’s very little that any individual can do to fix it. And ruminating on all the suffering that others are experiencing will only make someone more miserable. They can help how they can, but fixating on things they ultimately cannot change will cause them nothing but more grief in the long run.
3. How they’re different now than how they used to be.
Do you know anyone who’s fixated on the glory days of their past and is miserable because they aren’t that version of themselves anymore? If you do, you’re likely sick of hearing all about how hot they were, how much everyone adored them, what they were capable of, etc. They likely insult their current state of being on a regular basis in the hope of being reassured that they’re still adored.
Change is inevitable, and none of us looks the same at 40 or 50 (or beyond!) as we did in our early twenties. That doesn’t mean that change is bad: we’re just different. Arresting personal development in a past that can never be revisited is enough to make pretty much anyone miserable, and constantly complaining about the inevitability of aging will alienate friends and family members alike.
4. How unfair everything is for them.
One of the main things that chronic complainers often focus on is how deeply unfair their lives are compared to everyone else’s. Rather than acknowledging all the good things in their lives, they constantly compare themselves to others and find their own blessings to be lacking.
They may be temporarily content with some of the things they have, but as soon as they hear about someone else who’s doing better, they’ll spiral downwards. For example, they may be proud of having achieved something, but then immediately resent anyone who seems to have an easier time attaining that than they did.
Alternatively, if they were turned down for an opportunity because they weren’t well-suited to it, they’ll insist that it was due to some bigotry on the recruiter’s part, rather than their own shortcomings.
5. Their unhealthy relationships (which they refuse to work on).
You’ll hear them griping constantly about their partners and all the things they dislike about their partnership, but they don’t make any attempt to improve things. Similarly, they’ll complain about their siblings, their friends, and even the relationships they have with their children… but if you ask them what they’re doing to work on these, they’ll just shrug or change the subject.
It’s possible that they enjoy the attention and sympathy they get from talking about these issues so much that they’re afraid to actually improve what it is they’re complaining about. After all, if they solve the problems, they won’t get tea and sympathy anymore. Additionally, they may be so afraid of the unknown that may occur if they try to improve the situation that it’s safer and easier for them to keep on keeping on, and just moan about it incessantly.
6. How annoyed they are by change.
It’s inevitable that things change over time: if they don’t, they end up stagnating. Chronic complainers, however, generally don’t like change. They like things to remain exactly the same, and will gripe about anything that deviates from the norm that they’ve grown accustomed to (and comfortable with) over the years.
You won’t hear the end of it if a product they like changes its branding, or if something they’ve eaten for years suddenly uses a different ingredient. It doesn’t matter if the change is due to scarcity or more ethical choices: if it inconveniences them in any way, they’re sure to focus on that instead of the fact that it actually looks or tastes better than it did before. That’s irrelevant to them — what matters is that it’s different, and different is bad. End of discussion.
7. What everyone else is doing “wrong.”
The people who complain most about what others are doing wrong are usually those who have an overblown sense of their own competence. For example, the person who doesn’t drive will criticize other motorists’ actions while riding along with others, and someone who can’t cook will undoubtedly find fault with whatever they’re served.
This kind of behavior usually appears when someone is feeling insecure or otherwise inferior. Unfortunately, instead of recognizing their weak spots and doing their best to improve them, they choose to cut others down to make themselves feel better instead.
8. Things (and people) they dislike at work.
There aren’t many people on this planet who dream of labor, and most folks work out of necessity rather than passion. Instead of being grateful for the ability to put their skills to good use while simultaneously feeding and housing their families, however, chronic complainers focus on everything they dislike about the fact that they’re working to earn a living.
They’ll complain about their workload, and also complain that they’re bored. Similarly, they’ll complain about their colleagues, their office setup, and everything else they can think of. They could focus on all the great things happening at their workplace, from the free coffee and biscuits to the ways that their contributions are helping the world around them. But they don’t. They remain stuck in misery, refusing to see the forest beyond the much-maligned insects on the trees.
Final thoughts…
As annoying as chronic complainers may be, it’s important to remember that these people are usually extremely unhappy with their lives. Most of them don’t mean to complain as much as they do, and might not even realize just how much they’re kvetching all the time.
Encouraging them to see the positives in their lives can be helpful, but occasionally, they also need to be told how much of a downer they’re being. Sometimes, feedback like that is exactly what’s needed to shake them free from their downer spirals so they can start looking on the bright side again.
