Most of the people we talk to seem to be hanging on by a thread these days. There’s a lot of heavy stuff going on in the world, and it’s weighing on just about everyone. As a result, it’s becoming increasingly more difficult for people to cultivate serenity. After all, everything they’re exposed to on a constant basis seems to intensify anxiety and despair, rather than hope and inner peace.
If this has been your experience too, know that you’re not alone. Furthermore, these nine things may help you prevent the world’s grief from contaminating your internal world.
1. Be as present as possible.
Any time you find yourself spiraling out into “what if” thinking, bring all of your attention back to the present moment. If you have difficulty doing this, try the five-senses meditation:
Identify five things that you can see around you. For instance, choose to look for five blue objects or five different shades of brown.
Next, listen for four different sounds. Example: right now, I can hear the hum of my refrigerator, my pet eating kibble, birds outside, and my own breathing.
After that, feel three different textures.
Then two scents, such as the detergent on your clothes, a product near you, and so on.
Finally, focus on one taste. Examine whether your mouth feels dry, take a sip of a drink, eat a mint, etc.
Focusing on these tangible things brings all of your attention to the present moment and can stop anxiety and inner turmoil. All you have to focus on is this breath, this sensation, so stay with it here and now.
2. Choose how you respond to things, rather than reacting blindly.
Viktor Frankl, psychologist and Holocaust survivor, once said: “We have absolutely no control over what happens to us in life, but what we have paramount control over is how we respond to those events.” This is absolutely true on a fundamental level. No matter how much we worry about things, we have zero control over how those situations pan out.
What we do have, however, is the choice of how we respond to them. Try to see everything that happens to you from a sense of neutrality, and if you can, add some humor into the mix as well. Even if it’s dark. By doing this, you can diffuse a great deal of negativity and work towards a more positive outcome instead.
3. Limit exposure to things beyond your personal sphere.
While it’s important to remain fairly informed about what goes on in the world, too much awareness can be incredibly damaging — especially if it involves atrocities that are utterly beyond your capability to help.
We can’t work constantly without rest, and that goes for exposure to the world’s horrors as well. There’s no shame in taking a break from immersing yourself in all the awfulness happening everywhere so you can let your soul heal a bit. Once the emotional and spiritual wounds have healed a bit (or simply calloused over the most tender portions), you can regroup and determine what you’re able to handle once again.
4. Create a fortress of solace for yourself.
If you have a room of your own, transform it into a place of complete calm and serenity. Paint or paper the walls in hues that soothe your soul, and fill it with things that bring you joy. You can do this with even the smallest of spaces: I once transformed a closet into my meditation space and moved all my clothes into rolling bins under the bed. Alternatively, you can put up a small tent in your yard or on your balcony, or even hang a curtain around your bed that you can cocoon in at will.
The goal here is to create a space where you can retreat from any external stimuli that’s causing you grief or stress. Make it a device-free area with no phones, tablets, or screens of any kind. Soft lighting (preferably natural), books, calming scents, and soothing textures are all welcome here, and no intrusions are allowed. If you don’t have a physical place you can transform into a comfort zone, create a mental one that you can retreat to whenever you’re feeling overwhelmed.
5. Implement the “detached observer” meditation practice or similar.
A regular meditation practice can mean the difference between being a stressed, anxious mess and being grounded enough to deal with life’s many trials as they unfold. There are different types of meditation that suit everyone’s preferences and capabilities, from guided visualization to breathwork, or physical grounding practices like yoga or Qigong.
One of the most beneficial meditation techniques you can use in difficult situations is to become a detached observer. Envision yourself stepping away from whatever it is that’s upsetting you, and view it from the perspective of someone who isn’t affected by it emotionally at all. This significantly decreases stress and anxiety, and allows you to see the way through more clearly.
6. Be as discerning as possible with the company you keep.
Obviously, you can’t control who you interact with on a daily basis if you live in a densely populated area or work with several other colleagues, but you can choose who to allow into your inner sanctum. Basically, you only have so much time and energy to offer others, so be very discriminating about those you choose to spend time with.
If you’re already feeling drained, the last thing you want to do is listen to someone gripe about all their drama, using you as their personal counsellor. Keep energy vampires at a safe distance, and only allow your most trusted and beloved friends and family members in your inner circle.
7. Create communication boundaries.
If you’re triggered by certain phrases or constantly intruded upon during your much-needed alone time, create some clear communication boundaries with those around you. Let them know which topics are currently off the table, and that if these boundaries are crossed, you’ll have to withdraw from socializing with them for X amount of time.
In addition to setting these communication parameters, make yourself less available to those in your sphere. Turn off your phone at a certain hour, refuse work calls in the evenings or on weekends, and let friends and family members know when you’re taking some much-needed alone time so they don’t intrude (or worry about you if you go quiet).
8. Don’t carry loads that aren’t your own.
You’re familiar with the term “not my circus — not my monkeys”? The same goes for not carrying anyone else’s loads for them. Basically, just because other people in your life keep experiencing situations they consider to be emergencies, that doesn’t mean you have to take them on as well. Practice discerning detachment, and don’t take it upon yourself to fix all the things that are going wrong in the world. That’s not your job.
It’s great to help others now and then, but if you’re perpetually the superhero who’s called in to help other people sort out their messy lives, it’ll just damage you over time. Furthermore, as is the case with most superheroes, rescuing others rarely comes with any kind of reward. If anything, it’ll reinforce their behavior so they perpetually lean on you instead of taking initiative to sort out their own messes.
9. Stop doomscrolling and focus on more human endeavors instead.
Every minute you spend scrolling through social media feeds — especially those dedicated to all the atrocities going on in the world — is a minute you aren’t spending on maintaining your inner peace or pursuing the things that you love.
What did you do before you had a phone to scroll through into the wee hours of the morning? Did you do crafts? Read? Write letters to people by hand? Practice playing a musical instrument? Try to put more time and energy back into these endeavors rather than spending hours staring at a screen that shows you little other than horror. You may be surprised by the benefits it brings.
Despite everything, create beauty whenever you can.
Final thoughts…
Practicing detachment, replenishing your soul with proper rest and nourishment, and enjoying beauty on a regular basis can all help to protect and strengthen your inner peace. You don’t have to accept things that you’re handed or invited to: in fact, you’re encouraged to curate as much of your own life experience as possible.
Put down responsibilities that aren’t yours to carry, and withdraw from horror shows that you aren’t immersed in. You can always pick them up again if and when you feel ready to do so, sometime in the future.
