Do you remember all the fun you and your partner used to have together when you first met? How many photos do you have of the concerts you went to, silly costumes you wore to parties, and so on? The two of you may still love each other dearly, but perhaps fun has been relegated to the back burner due to the responsibility and exhaustion of everyday life.
If the two of you have forgotten how to have fun together and you’d like to rekindle that feeling, try some of the following approaches:
1. Do something ridiculous that neither of you has ever done before.
It’s great to share fun or silly interests with one another, but it’s even more fun to try out something completely new — especially if there’s a strong possibility that you’ll both be terrible at it. When you’re discovering a new interest together, you’re on the same page with regard to skill (or the lack thereof), and can explore this new ground as a team.
Play a silly card game, go play glow-in-the-dark mini golf, or go to Build-a-Bear with the goal of making the most deranged-looking stuffed toy imaginable. Be sure to take beverages and tissues with you for when you keel over from laughing so fiercely.
2. Be spontaneous.
If you two have gotten into a rut because your life together has become a monotonous routine, mix it up with some spontaneity. Write several activities down on pieces of paper and put those in a jar, then take turns pulling them out and doing whatever’s on that day’s slip.
Ideas can include (but are certainly not limited to):
- Taking a road trip to a bizarre museum somewhere near you.
- Trying a cuisine that neither of you has ever tasted.
- Visiting a theme park.
- Going to an animal sanctuary or petting zoo.
- Spending the day painting ceramics at an open studio.
Pack that jar full of fun-sounding outings or hobbies, and make a point of doing them regularly.
3. Do something together that you loved as kids.
My partner and I are both in our 40s, and we’re currently in the process of building a quinzhee together: a large shelter formed of compressed snow that’s been hollowed out with a shovel. We normally spend wintertime by the fire, griping about the massive amounts of snow outside, but this year we decided to embrace it all and do something fun with it instead.
Do you know what happened? We remembered what it was like to be kids, playing around in the snow for hours on crisp winter days, followed by hot cocoa by the fireside to warm up. Many people forget how to play, and certainly don’t allow themselves to be silly or look ridiculous in front of their partners. Meanwhile, my guy and I now have fond memories of him with an ice beard, and me face-planted in hip-deep snow to look back upon and laugh about for years to come.
4. Establish fun rituals that you do together regularly.
One of the main reasons why people forget to have fun with their partners is that life can get really serious. When couples first start dating, they prioritize sharing fun, joyful time, and look forward to Friday night dinners or Sunday morning brunches. After years of weighted responsibility, however, these excursions may have disappeared in favor of couch rotting.
Aim to re-establish little rituals that you can share and put into regular practice. Maybe you play word games together over breakfast, take turns reading to each other in the evenings, or have pizza and puzzle time on Sunday evenings. Whatever brings you both joy.
Furthermore, if something else comes up that may intrude upon ritual time, prioritize each other instead of anything else. Unless it’s an emergency, it can wait.
5. Tell funny stories about your past.
Although it may feel like the two of you have known each other forever, you both had lives before you met. As such, you’ve both undoubtedly experienced things that were silly, funny, or outright weird, and you may not have shared all of these stories with one another yet.
Make storytelling a regular practice, whether it’s spontaneous tale-telling in the car, or asking each other questions while curled up in bed together. Prepare to collapse into giggling fits when you find out about each other’s ridiculous teenage antics, appalling early dating experiences, embarrassing situations, or surreal moments that you still can’t believe actually happened.
6. Attend events in costume.
Take a look at the various events happening around that both of you may be interested in attending, particularly if there are costumes involved. Is there a Regency ball that you can attend while dressed like the cast of Bridgerton? A medieval banquet? Or maybe a murder mystery dinner set in the 1920s?
Just about all of us loved to dress up and play when we were younger, and we still see vestiges of that in Halloween costumes or terrible holiday outfits people wear to the office. Choose an event, spend time planning and creating your costumes together, and go have a blast!
7. Go somewhere fun together.
One of the main reasons why people fall into ruts and stop having fun together is that every day looks the same. You’re always in the same surroundings, doing the same chores, taking the same routes while running errands, and so on. If you have the means, this grey sameness can be dispelled by going on holiday somewhere that’s low-stress and is sure to inspire joy and enthusiasm in both of you.
The key is to find the middle ground and choose a destination that you’ll both enjoy — this goes for weather as well as what to do when you’re there. Find an option that you’re both excited to experience, and then plan on some fun couple-y things to do together while you’re there. For example, you can go snorkelling together if you go somewhere tropical, attend an art show opening if you’re in a city, tour ancient monuments for photo ops, and so on.
8. Do silly little fun things for one another.
Rekindling fun between you doesn’t have to be all about grandiose gestures and togetherness. In fact, sometimes the most endearing actions are those that people do for each other to surprise them, brighten their day, or make them laugh. The key is to use approaches that both people will appreciate, rather than hurting feelings or being intrusive.
For example, let’s say that your partner expressed their love of ducks, but there’s no way you’d have one as a pet. Pick up a pack of a few hundred miniature duck toys, and start hiding them in unexplained places like the medicine cabinet, their lunch box, their shoes, pockets, etc. The sheer absurdity of this can turn into a new collection, while simultaneously making them smile because they know you’re thinking of them.
9. Try to reduce the obligations that have quashed your fun.
If the two of you used to have a lot more fun together, but obligations and responsibilities have severely cut back your time together, try to reduce the number of things that are obstructing your joy. For example, pare down the number of belongings that need to be washed, dusted, or otherwise attended to, and if you can afford it, hire a cleaner to come in every couple of weeks.
Similarly, if caregiving for elderly parents is becoming too much for you to handle, consider assisted living facilities or respite care. Determine the underlying causes of the loss of fun and address them as best you can. By doing that, the parts of you that used to be a lot more light-hearted and joyful may have room to breathe again.
Final thoughts…
The two of you fell in love for numerous reasons, and you undoubtedly had a hell of a lot of fun when you first got together. Revisit past photos to see what you got up to in those early days and try to rekindle the energy that the two of you shared.
You don’t need to retrace your steps and re-create past experiences: just use the past to inform the future as far as new endeavors and excursions go. Find what brought you the most joy when you were courting and let that inspire your next steps forward.
