The funny thing about introverts is that most share very similar behaviors regardless of where they live. A textbook introvert from Sweden is likely to share the same traits and aversions as one in Singapore or Sudan. As such, the vast majority of textbook introverts worldwide will be able to relate to the same experiences.
If you can relate to the moments mentioned here because you’ve experienced them firsthand, welcome to the club! (We celebrate our membership at home, alone, and most importantly, we don’t talk about the Introvert Club.)
1. Inventing reasons to turn down an invitation somewhere.
Textbook introverts have all come up with a wide variety of reasons as to why they had to turn down invitations to different things. Depending on the person, the reasons they give might be quite reasonable and banal, but some can be unhinged. In fact, sometimes giving a reason that others may find disconcerting or uncomfortable is the best way to prevent them from putting pressure on you to attend anyway.
For example, saying you can’t attend because you have previous plans can offer the person in question the opportunity to suggest that you reschedule the other plans for their benefit. In contrast, telling them you can’t go because you have a medical thing the next day, which you have to prepare for (which you can describe in heinous detail), will likely get them to change the subject and never ask about it again.
2. Freezing up when attention is suddenly turned in your direction.
Most introverts don’t like to be perceived much, as being in the spotlight requires one to perform to others’ expectations. It’s much more comfortable to sit back and be the quiet observer rather than the one who has to plaster on a smile and interact against their will.
As such, if you’ve ever been in the position where someone announces something about you in a large group, and every head turns in your direction, you’ve likely frozen up and clenched every part of your anatomy. Some people lose the ability to speak when this happens, while others stammer or crack terrible jokes that fall flat, much to everyone’s dismay. It’s an awful situation to be in and results in retrospective shame for years to come.
3. The huge wave of joyful relief when someone cancels plans.
It’s a misconception that introverts dislike other people. In reality, we dearly love those close to us: we just may not always have the energy required to interact with them much. As such, we might make plans with them weeks or months in advance, when we have energy, and then feel flattened with regret when that planned event rolls around.
As such, if the person in question cancels the plan, we can feel immense relief that we don’t have to output energy we don’t have, without feeling guilty for bailing on someone we care about.
4. Having your nervous system reset by showering in the dark (or something similar).
Introverts who have had to spend energy socializing with large groups usually come home buzzing and overstimulated. Most have their own unique ways of decompressing after these situations, but many will have experienced the blissful, relaxing “reset” of showering in the dark (and if they haven’t, they’ll no doubt be trying it soon).
Some may lean against the wall and let the cascade of water flood over them, washing away all the tension they’ve been bracing against for hours. Others may curl up on the shower or bathtub floor and have a good cry while the ersatz rainfall soothes them from above, like they’re a dinosaur experiencing the first proper downpour after a drought.
For many, doing so can have an incredible calming effect on a frayed nervous system, allowing the person in question to unclench enough to get some sleep.
5. Feeling a sudden rush of anger when someone interrupts you when you’re reading or lost in thought.
Most textbook introverts are very deep thinkers. We immerse ourselves fully in whatever subject matter we’re reading or working on, and if something derails our concentration, it can take us a significant amount of time to get back on track. Furthermore, interruptions can even be physically painful for some: it’s not uncommon for an introvert — particularly a neurodivergent one prone to monotropic thinking — to develop a headache when they’ve been startled or interrupted.
When this happens, the introvert in question will often feel an intense wave of anger at whoever disturbed them. This isn’t intentional, but is an automatic response to a sensation that feels like being kicked in the head. Concentration is lost, pain is involved, and unless someone was bleeding from their eyes or the house was ablaze, the interruption was almost always unnecessary at that exact moment.
6. The psychological “exhale” of getting home after socializing.
If you’ve ever been wrapped up in clothes that were hot and confining, like a snowsuit when you were a small child, then you likely remember what a relief it was to be released from that tight, hot, stifling prison. In fact, you likely exhaled a huge sigh of relief once freed from it, so your skin could breathe once again.
Textbook introverts “exhale” like this — physically or psychologically — once they’re back in their safe, calm, home sanctuary after socializing. They don’t have to maintain the pleasant facade of masking and mirroring, nor do they have to fake emotional energy they aren’t actually feeling. They can simply breathe and be themselves, in peace and quiet.
7. Unbridled elation at discovering that you have a few days to yourself, without any social obligations.
For most introverts, one of the most tedious and soul-sucking aspects of existence is the never-ending slew of tasks and obligations they have to do. As such, when and if they realize that they suddenly have a clear calendar for a few days, without *any* social obligations, it’s like they won the lottery.
After a brief period of dancing around the house like maniacs, they’ll settle into doing whatever it is they’d like to do most with their time. One might deep-clean the kitchen, another might curl up with a book. Whatever is highest on their list of things they want to do, rather than those they have to do, is prioritized.
One of the biggest and longest waves of joyful relief I have ever felt was during a week-long power outage due to massive snowfall. There was no obligation to call, text, or email anyone because all the electricity and phone lines were down! Furthermore, the four-foot-deep snow outside meant that no surprise visitors would be showing up. I caught up on massive amounts of reading and crafting by the fire and barely spoke a word aloud.
8. The load that falls off your shoulders when your housemate says they’re moving out.
Those of us who have had to share an apartment with a housemate know how trying that can be. This is especially true if they have schedules that are opposite to your own, or annoying habits like competitive gargling or a tendency to heat up fish in the microwave.
When your housemate says they’re leaving, there may be a moment of panic when you realize that you’ll have to pay for the entire space on your own until you find a new one. Or not. Hell, even though you’ll have to spend much more money on rent, the sheer relief of being able to have that space to yourself is well worth it, at least for a while.
Final thoughts…
The world isn’t particularly kind to introverts. We’re mostly seen as antisocial weirdos who don’t know how to have fun, and would rather spend time in dark, dingy basements than hang out with people we claim to care about.
In reality, we’re most comfortable in our own company, deep-diving into our own pursuits. Some of the world’s most treasured art, literature, and scientific discoveries exist thanks to introverts! So don’t condemn yourself for your textbook introversion: join us in embracing it fully, quiet quirks and all.
