Many people can be selective in their observations when it comes to those they love. For example, they may choose to interpret certain behaviors as neutral or insignificant if they’re afraid of what they may represent. Alternatively, they may be so caught up in other things going on in their lives that they don’t notice issues until they become too big to ignore.
One of the things that’s often overlooked is subtle changes in the behavior of older adults. Those listed below are often mistaken for apathy, when in fact they can often be something else entirely.
1. Slowness to respond to things like texts and emails.
We’ve all been slow to respond to texts, emails, and calls at times — especially when life has been busy, or we’ve been dealing with a protracted illness. This doesn’t mean that we’re apathetic about what’s going on around us, but rather that we only have limited amounts of energy to spread around.
Older adults who take a while to respond may not be feeling apathetic either: they may simply have even less energy or impetus to move than they did in middle age. Activities that most younger people take for granted require more time for older people to accomplish. They usually have every intention of getting around to responding, but memory lapses or periods of overwhelm and exhaustion get in the way.
2. Being quieter and talking less.
It’s common for people to withdraw and talk less as they age, preferring to keep themselves to themselves instead of engaging with the younger people who chatter on about topics they don’t care about. As such, if an older person has been quieter and talking less than usual, that behavior may be assumed to be apathy about the subject matter being discussed, or about socializing in general.
Withdrawing and interacting with others less can also indicate more serious issues, though. Hearing loss can make a person less able to engage with those around them. Similarly, conditions such as memory loss and aphasia from mild, undetected strokes or heart issues can make speaking more difficult, or even embarrassing.
It’s awful when a person who has always valued their mental acuity suddenly forgets people’s names and constantly has to search for words that keep eluding them.
3. Showing less interest in food.
Our sense of taste and smell diminish as we age, which can make even our most favorite foods less appealing to us as we get on in years. As such, if an older adult shows less interest in food, many people simply assume they’re depressed about the loss of flavor, or that they aren’t engaged in living life as fully anymore.
In reality, they may be suffering from unaddressed health issues, and their lack of interest in food could be a surface symptom. For example, physical discomfort associated with eating/swallowing may indicate problems with their mouth, throat, or digestive system. Alternatively, conditions such as Alzheimer’s and dementia may interfere with their satiety, or even with their hand-eye coordination as far as feeding themselves goes.
4. Zoning out.
Most of us have periods where we zone out, and our eyes glaze over in conversations, especially if the subject matter is something we find tedious. While this behavior may signify apathy in younger people, it often has quite a different source in older adults.
One of the most common reasons for older people to “space out” is unresolved trauma from the past. Issues that aren’t worked through and healed from don’t disappear — they simply get tamped down and locked away, especially during our busy working and child-rearing years. Those locks disintegrate over time, however, and the traumas can seep up and trigger older individuals when they least suspect it.
Additionally, chronic fatigue, anxiety about aging, medication side effects, and cognitive decline can all cause someone to disassociate. Keep an eye on the individual in question to determine which of these may be a contributing factor.
5. Much less interest in news and world events.
It’s difficult to maintain an interest in world events when the news is overwhelmingly negative. Far from being apathetic, many older people are so sensitive to the awful things going on in the world that they may refuse to engage with it.
Consider it this way: they may not be all that worried about how injustices in the world will affect them personally, since they’re fully aware that they won’t be around to see the long-term effects of it. Instead, they’re terrified of how their children, grandchildren, and other younger relatives are going to be affected.
They’re probably already dealing with things like chronic pain or illness, memory issues, and exhaustion, and they simply don’t have much left in them to deal with the world’s woes anymore.
6. Not attending social gatherings and public functions as often.
Younger people might get frustrated with older adults who no longer want to attend social functions as often as they used to, and assume that it’s a matter of apathy on their part; that they don’t care enough about the people attending to show up and remain involved.
In reality, there are many reasons why elders may not feel up to attending functions like they used to. They may be embarrassed about how often they forget people’s names, for example, or they’re worried about losing their balance and humiliating (or seriously hurting) themselves. Older adults try to hide signs of aging that they find difficult, but it’s much harder to obfuscate these symptoms when a large group of people is watching you like a hawk.
7. Complete loss of curiosity.
When we run into people we know while out in public, we’ll generally ask how they’re doing so we can remain apprised of what’s going on in our social circles. Similarly, we may keep tabs on friends and relatives, check on community issues that interest us, and read up on subjects that engage us.
Older people often stop asking how others are doing or put effort into keeping up to date on current affairs — not out of apathy, as some might assume, but rather because they’re tired, worn out, and want more peace in their lives.
They might be in chronic pain and have less energy in the “tank” to use for socializing. Or they’re so down about the awful things going on in the world that they can’t bear to hear any more bad news. As a result, they stop asking or being curious, and instead re-watch favorite shows and films over and over, or withdraw into themselves.
8. Giving away their possessions.
We all accumulate a lot of “stuff” over the course of our lives, and most of us go through phases in which we cull belongings that don’t resonate with us anymore. We clean out our closets to get rid of old clothes, drop outdated housewares off at thrift shops, etc.
This type of decluttering refresh is quite different from an older adult who starts giving away possessions that mean a great deal to them. The latter behavior may indicate frustration because they’re confused or suffering memory loss, or that they feel that they’ll be dying soon — either from age, illness, or their own choice — and want to pass their treasures on to those they love, while they still can.
Final thoughts…
If older people in your life are exhibiting these signs, observe them to see what other accompanying behaviors they may be engaging in. For example, have they been talking about being a burden to others, or expressing sadness more than any other emotion?
If you can, talk to them or their healthcare provider if you feel that they may be depressed, developing dementia, or even harboring thoughts of self-harm. Some of these behaviors may not indicate anything serious in isolation, but if combined, they may paint a picture that’s important to pay attention to.
