You’ve probably noticed that some people seem to experience a full-on crisis when they hit their middle years, whereas others seem to be far more content than they were in their youth.
What separates these two groups, you might wonder?
Well, those who fall into the latter category tend to be those who have made peace with things they spent years fighting against tooth and nail, rather than spending the rest of their lives battling them.
Here are 8 of the most common things they’ve chosen to reconcile with in middle age.
1. Misguided ideas of who they “should” be based on others’ thoughts and expectations.
Countless people spend their lives trying to live up to other people’s thoughts and expectations of what they “should” be doing.
For example, modern society promotes hustle culture, in which there’s the expectation for someone to work two or three jobs around the clock and neglect personal relationships (and sleep), in favor of clamoring for wealth and success by any means possible.
But by midlife, many people recognize that this doesn’t work for them and discard this misguided belief, along with any others that no longer serve them.
What others think they “should” be doing simply doesn’t matter anymore. Instead, they spend their precious time doing things that bring them joy and fulfillment.
If others disapprove of them, so be it.
2. Aspects of their own nature or biology.
I’ve known a lot of people who have hated aspects of themselves for years (or decades) because they didn’t align with what they or anyone else considered to be more appealing attributes.
One thing in particular that many people fight the most is the natural aging process. They spend years doing everything from working out to the point of exhaustion to maintain their youthful physique, to pouring tons of money into anti-aging skincare regimes.
But many of the happiest middle-aged people you’ll come across are those who have learned to joyfully accept the aging process.
They have embraced their silver hair and laugh lines rather than fighting to obliterate them with lotions, potions, and invasive notions.
Sure, they still try to be as healthy, flexible, and mentally/spiritually youthful as possible, but they also embrace and appreciate the silver sparkles as signs of a life well lived.
3. All the things they didn’t do.
Some people reach midlife and have a major crisis about all the things they didn’t do. All the things they wanted to achieve, but weren’t able to for one reason or another.
Then there are those who spend years trying to do it all and have it all, and end up suffering severe burnout as a result.
In contrast, those who greet middle age with grace and contentment are those who recognize that they weren’t able to do everything in this one lifetime, but they’ve done pretty okay so far.
And those who have made peace with that fact end up experiencing much more contentment and overall life satisfaction than those who spend all their time lamenting everything they didn’t do.
4. Inevitable invisibility.
For some people, one of the scariest and most depressing things they could think about experiencing in midlife was the invisibility that inevitably came with advancing age.
This can be especially true for people who were stereotypically attractive and who got a lot of positive attention from others wherever they went.
But those who grow happier in midlife are often those who discover that being less visible can actually be hugely advantageous.
For example, women who were harassed in public when they were younger can finally exist as human beings out in the world without being bothered. Similarly, older men can smile and nod at people simply to be friendly and kind, without it being misconstrued as flirtation.
5. Loving what they love without justification to anyone.
Countless people set aside the things that they felt passionately about for years because others judged them poorly for it.
This might have led to them denying themselves real joy and fulfilment for most of their lives because their fear of mockery or judgement outweighed their desire to do what they liked.
Hitting midlife offers an immense opportunity to let go of previous barriers like this and embrace all the things that bring you joy.
You can stop caring about what other people think, and might even go so far as to remove the individuals from your life who bring you down.
Life is too short to waste on those who’d try to stop you from pursuing your own version of joy instead of supporting and encouraging you to do so.
6. Old hurts and grudges.
A quote that has been attributed to many great thinkers is: “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”
The same goes for old hurts and grudges. Some people ruminate for years on how others have done them dirty, wasting valuable time on perceived hurts from the past rather than joys in the present.
For instance, some people might have spent years being upset that their parents didn’t love or care about them the way they would have preferred. But now that they’ve hit middle age, they realize that their parents were also flawed human beings with their own stresses and struggles, so they choose to let that old hurt go.
To do otherwise is like gripping tightly onto a burning brand and complaining that it’s hurting them: it will start to heal the second they choose to let it go and walk away.
7. That not everyone is going to like them.
Chronic people-pleasers and those with low self-esteem often spend far too much time de-prioritizing themselves in favor of pandering to those they want to impress.
They’ll betray and abandon things about themselves that should actually mean the world to them for the sake of gaining another’s approval, and often fall apart if it turns out that someone they like doesn’t return those feelings.
In contrast, many of the most peaceful and fulfilled middle-aged individuals are those who fully recognize and accept that not everyone is going to like them.
Some will adore them, of course, whereas others may not want to even give them the time of day. And that’s completely okay with them.
After all, they don’t like everyone they’ve ever met, so why should anyone else? They’ll connect with those who are meant to be in their lives, and wish the others well on their way out.
8. What they sincerely want from life.
Far too many people waste years of their lives paying lip service to a life they don’t actually want.
Some throw themselves into prestigious careers when they’d rather be living on a riverboat and weaving baskets, while others marry and raise families when they would have rather spent all that time reading good books with rescue dogs they’d adopted.
Those who grow happier in midlife are those who don’t just acknowledge what they truly want from life, but who take action to make it happen.
This isn’t an easy thing to do, especially if it means disappointing loved ones in order to live authentically, but those growing pains are well worth the immense peace and fulfillment they attain by doing so.
Final thoughts…
Middle age is ideal for sloughing off things that no longer fit us, and stepping into our power as mature human beings.
By the time we reach our middle years, we have a solid idea of who we are, as well as who we aren’t. Letting go of the things we spent years fighting — either for, or against — creates pathways to unimaginable peace and fulfillment.
If you haven’t quite gotten to that point yet, be open to the possibility of doing so. That way, when the doors to authentic living open, you can step through them with confidence.
