When you think about the many places you’ve worked over the years, chances are you remember several coworkers who made your work life… significantly more stressful than it needed to be. In fact, you likely remember them more clearly than the good, decent folks you had the pleasure of working with.
Difficult colleagues can be a lot to deal with, and can drive a lot of people around the bend. Here are some habits of those who handle these troublesome colleagues without losing their minds, their composure, their credibility, or even their self-respect.
1. They keep extensive records.
I read something on social media recently about a woman who had been badgered by a coworker 564 times over the course of two years. The colleague in question insisted on knowing who the father of this woman’s child was, and took every opportunity to ask about it — both in person and online.
Apparently, she brought up the topic in the lunch room, emailed her, texted her after work hours, and generally badgered her on a near-daily basis, all because she wanted to know a detail about her coworker’s intimate life.
The woman who was on the receiving end kept a detailed spreadsheet in which she outlined every interaction with this coworker. She also took screen captures of every Teams message and phone text the colleague sent her, asking about this topic. As such, when she brought all of her evidence to HR, the colleague was fired, putting an end to the incessant interrogation.
Obviously, we’ve only got one person’s account of this to go by (and your colleague is likely difficult in different ways), but it paints a good example of the power of documentation. As the saying goes, “If it isn’t written down, it didn’t happen.”
2. They stay openly focused on the work.
If someone you work with is pestering you non-stop, such as talking constantly, interrupting your workflow, not carrying their weight, etc., the best strategy is to avoid pushing back or getting into workplace rivalries.
One of the key approaches is instead to continually bring focus back to the work at hand.
For example, if this difficult individual gets chatty, the person in question will make it clear that they have work to do and politely remind the other person that they have tasks on their plate that they need to prioritize as well.
A simple, “I have to get this done right now, but let’s catch up later,” or “I’d better let you get back to it — I know we’ve both got a lot on today” works wonders.
Should they try to change the subject to something more personal, they’ll again redirect the conversation back to work without missing a beat.
This works particularly well if their employer is within earshot, as their boss will realize that they’re trying to work but keep getting interrupted. Repeating phrases such as “I’m working, I don’t have time to chat right now” makes it clear that they aren’t interested in slacking off or entertaining anyone.
3. They use the environment to their advantage.
One way that people handle difficult work colleagues effectively is to adapt their work environment to their greatest advantage.
For example, a worker who has their own office may keep the door closed, whereas a factory worker may use protective earwear (e.g., earplugs or headphones) if permitted, to provide an effective shield against other people’s demands for attention.
They’ll also frame boundary requests around the environment rather than making them personal.
For example, if they’re interrupted while cleaning machinery, they’ll diplomatically bring attention to how dangerous that could be for both individuals. Or if their supervisor or an important client is in the office that day, they’ll use their presence to their advantage by saying something like, “I need to stay focused, my manager is on the floor today.”
Basically, any time this person’s presence has the potential to cause an environmental or professional hazard, they use that to diplomatically shoo them away.
4. Use the “gray rock” response.
A difficult, button-pushing colleague who is trying to get under someone else’s skin will try to get a reaction from them by any means possible. But when they are denied their “fix,” they usually get bored and move on to someone else instead.
This is where the gray rock technique comes in. It’s usually something that people use when dealing with difficult (often toxic) family members, but it also happens to work exceptionally well with difficult colleagues.
The trick to this approach is to become the blandest, most boring version of yourself imaginable.
Give up on any desire to be a fun, likeable individual at the workplace, and instead start cosplaying who you’d be if you lost every drop of your personality.
If this individual makes an off-color joke, stare at them blankly or ask them to explain why it’s funny. Should they say something that’s meant to be antagonistic, do your best cow impression, and stare at them vacantly while chewing on your lunch.
They’ll soon lose interest and move on once they realize they won’t get the response they’re looking for.
This approach is particularly beneficial in the workplace because if you allow yourself to be baited, other employees — and superiors — can end up lumping both you and the difficult person under the same muckraking umbrella.
Even though it’s the difficult individual who’s causing the problems, anyone who goes along with their antics or gets drawn into their drama will also be perceived as a troublemaker.
This is why it’s so important to remove yourself as a target and remain distant but polite. Over time, people (including superiors and HR) will recognize that the trouble is stemming from one source rather than two.
If this difficult person has to be interacted with, keep all conversation on work-related topics only, and do not divert from them, regardless of how insistent that person may be.
5. They don’t take it personally.
These individuals have usually spent enough time with difficult people to recognize that when someone is cantankerous on a regular basis, it’s likely that they’re dealing with some pretty challenging, deep-seated issues.
As a result, they know that the person’s poor behavior toward them is a reflection of what’s going on within them, rather than with anyone else.
If these difficult colleagues are difficult with everyone, then the person in question can view them through a lens of compassion and patience rather than irritation.
In the same way that a parent or other caregiver doesn’t take it personally when a toddler is calling them names or throwing toys, a mature, well-grounded person won’t take a colleague’s grumblings personally either.
6. They avoid gossip.
From time to time, difficult colleagues will undoubtedly try to draw people into workplace tongue-wagging, which can include badmouthing superiors or discussing sensitive information.
But by not engaging in gossip, a person doesn’t become a link in any kind of chain. If you refuse to partake, then when “things” inevitably hit the fan later, you aren’t guilty by association.
Those difficult colleagues might think poorly of you for not participating, and might even throw around the “you think you’re better than us!” accusation. But in reality, you are simply choosing to remain professional.
To avoid being drawn into it, you can gently redirect conversations back to work-related topics or simply excuse yourself from the conversation, citing work deadlines as the reason.
7. They don’t get too close to their work colleagues.
It can be very difficult not to see long-term workmates as part of your extended family. After all, these are people you spend 40 (or more) hours a week with in close quarters.
As such, it’s natural for colleagues to share personal information with one another, such as discussing their relationships, health concerns, and so on.
The problem with doing this is that the information you share will undoubtedly end up being known by the difficult colleagues at your workplace, as well as those you consider friends.
A person who handles difficult colleagues well is usually one who keeps work and their personal life as separate as possible, and only shares information with those they’ve built a strong foundation of trust.
If they do develop a close friendship with a co-worker, they’ll try to keep personal matters for private time together outside of work, and won’t discuss anything they did together when they’re back at the office.
Final thoughts…
Unless you’re self-employed or work remotely, you’ll likely have to deal with difficult colleagues at some point. It’s a rare workplace indeed in which everyone gets along well, respects each other’s space, and doesn’t cause any issues.
By mirroring the habits listed here, there’s an excellent chance that the troublesome colleagues in question will turn their attention to more favorable targets (unfortunately for them).
Furthermore, since people like that invariably end up being hoisted on their own petard, the distance you’ll maintain from them will end up saving you — your credibility, and your sanity — in the long run.
