Those of us who have grown accustomed to being “on” every waking hour of every day often forget how to rest properly. Even when we’re doing something that’s supposed to be restful, we’re likely still doing something productive — like folding laundry while watching a movie.
These habits might have arisen from being called “lazy” in our youth, or they could be coping mechanisms for anxiety and/or a brain that’s constantly seeking stimulation. Or perhaps they’re simply the outcome of living in a society that is obsessed with productivity.
Either way, they can prevent us from being able to get the deep rest we desperately need. Here’s how to overcome them with some gentle practices that promote proper rest instead.
1. Step away from the screen that makes stillness impossible.
Did you know that the average person checks their phone around 200 times a day?
Observe your own behaviors in this vein and take note of how often you reach for your phone. Do you have notifications that startle you and demand your attention constantly? Or do you have a pressing need to check for messages or social media updates every few minutes?
You may think that you’re resting when you’re sitting there doom scrolling, but it’s quite the opposite. Your brain is being bombarded with fast-paced input, and whatever you’re consuming is designed to keep you clicking (and often angry). It’s not designed to help you switch off.
So learn to turn your phone off when you aren’t using it, unless you’re expecting a seriously important message.
Turn off notifications, uninstall unnecessary apps, and go back to using your phone as a tool you only pick up when it’s needed, rather than scrolling on it endlessly.
Use the time you would ordinarily spend staring at your phone to look at the world around you, to daydream, to contemplate things, and to self-reflect.
2. Learn how to stop working even when your brain says you should keep going.
People who are self-employed or work their own hours often have difficulty creating a healthy work-life balance. For example, freelancers and business owners often start early and work well into the evenings and on weekends.
And many of those who are employed externally don’t fare much better. They go to an office and have specific hours at their desks, but they may still feel obliged to check their emails and be available once they’re at home.
If you fall into either category, you need to make a point of creating strong boundaries about when you work, and when you rest.
Set timers to keep you on track, and fight the inclination to keep working past them for “just a few more minutes”. If you feel comfortable doing so, set an out-of-office letting people know what your usual working office hours are and that people should not expect replies after this time.
This can be difficult if you tie your worth to your output and diligence, but try to be as disciplined about these delineations as possible.
3. Spend time admiring the outside world rather than rushing through it (or zoning it out).
When you go outside, do you ever just sit or slowly walk and enjoy nature? Or do you simply rush to your destination so you can be indoors again?
If you do happen to sit in nature, do you spend most of the time on your phone or lost in thought rather than immersing yourself in the beauty around you?
When you’re outside, take the time to really enjoy the natural environment that you’re immersed in.
And if getting out and about regularly isn’t feasible for you, choose whatever version of savoring nature works for you — opening a window, sitting by the door, or spending a few minutes in a garden or balcony.
Take up bird or butterfly watching and see which species visit your yard, if you have one. Listen to the sounds of the great outdoors and enjoy the lap of water against the shoreline, the wind rustling fallen leaves, or the bees buzzing on flowers.
You’ll be amazed at what you’ll see and hear (and how much more rested you’ll feel) when you prioritize stillness over distraction or output.
4. Let the floor do the grounding your mind can’t.
This one may sound a bit odd, but you may be pleasantly surprised at how lying on the floor can reset your body and allow you to relax.
For many people, that hard, flat surface can be immensely grounding, and can cause your body and mind to “reset.”
Essentially, your body feels safe enough for your parasympathetic nervous system to activate. This means that your cells get the signal to “rest and digest”, the same way they do when you’re sleeping deeply.
So assuming you don’t have a health condition that would prevent it, grab a yoga mat or a blanket, spread it out on the ground, and lie down on it.
Move your legs and arms away from your body (like in the savasana yoga position), and close your eyes. You can also roll up a towel and place it beneath your neck or your knees if you need support there.
5. Explore a quiet practice that steadies you from the inside out.
We live in a world where hustle culture and “girlbossing” are seen as lifestyles to strive for.
Podcasters and influencers brag about how they wake at dawn and don’t sleep until midnight, filling every waking moment with grinding towards their goals.
These people don’t realize how badly they’re going to burn out in a few years. They’re keeping their nervous system stuck in threat mode, risking potential heart conditions or autoimmune disorders from all that stress and sleep deprivation.
Instead of hustling, look into meditative practices that encourage stillness and deep focus.
For example, Buddhist Zazen practice involves sitting in stillness and focusing on your breath. Similarly, Vipassana is another Buddhist meditative practice that involves sitting quietly and simply observing your thoughts and emotions as they arise, without judgement or confrontation.
You can also find guided meditations to suit any preference, spiritual tradition, or theme that you’d like to focus on. These can help you focus on stillness and tranquility if you have difficulty doing so on your own.
6. Lay down regularly, even if you don’t sleep.
Not everyone can fall asleep on command, even though they might like to.
For some people, taking naps during the day can help to alleviate stress and give them more energy to work with, but you don’t actually need to sleep in order to benefit like this.
Simply lying down and resting in stillness can act like a reset for your body and mind so you can get on with your day with more energy and focus.
One thing I do when I know I need to rest is to pull my light-blocking curtains closed, lie down on my bed, and put on an audiobook. I’ll choose something relaxing and light-hearted like an Agatha Christie mystery, and just lie still and listen. You might prefer to listen to bird song or ocean sounds (there are plenty of options online). Whatever works for you.
When I do this, it only takes about 20 minutes to relax, unwind, and reset so I can get on with the rest of my day without feeling stressed or overstimulated.
7. Let your senses do the resting for you.
The five-senses meditation is particularly good for those who struggle to clear their mind of thoughts. It’s excellent to do several times over the course of the day, and it doesn’t need to take long if you’re time poor.
It requires you to set aside whatever else you’ve been doing and focus entirely on what your senses are telling you. During this practice, you’ll pay attention to:
- Five things you can see (pick a color or theme and look for items within it).
- Four things you can feel (fabric against your skin, the chair beneath your legs, etc.)
- Three things you can hear (wind rustling tree leaves, a bird singing, the kettle boiling).
- Two things you can smell (your perfume or deodorant, someone cooking nearby).
- One thing you can taste (the last thing you ate or drank, salt on your upper lip, etc.)
Do this meditation every few hours, or as often as you can manage, when you’re in different environments.
For example, you can do it first thing in the morning, once on your lunch break, once en route home from work (especially if you commute on public transit or walk), once in the evening.
Do absolutely nothing while you’re meditating except focusing entirely on your senses.
8. Let yourself be still in water.
Many of us are accustomed to hopping into the shower and scrubbing down as quickly as possible in order to get on with what needs to be done.
Baths don’t work that way.
Instead, baths envelop us in warmth and softness, encouraging us to lie back, let go, and bask in the water we’re immersed in.
Make your bathroom a place of comfort and relaxation, and that includes banning electronics. So leave your phone or tablet in another room.
Consider lighting candles instead of using the overhead lights; use bubble bath, salts, or oils in scents like chamomile, lavender, or sandalwood, if you like them. You can even add some Epsom salts to the bath water: they’re packed with magnesium, which may help to reduce muscle tension.
After your bath, lie in bed listening to classical music, or try reading or journaling in quiet as you wind down to sleep.
Final thoughts…
If you put these practices into regular rotation as often as you can, you’ll soon discover just how restful and rejuvenating stillness can be. The hardest part about doing them is often the nagging guilt that you “should be” doing something more productive.
The reality is, there’s always something that supposedly needs to be done, but unless there’s a life-threatening emergency looming, it can wait.
You can’t function properly if you don’t allow yourself to rest deeply, so it’s time to make stillness and rejuvenation a priority in that beautiful life of yours.
