Some people are very keen on sharing intimate details about their lives, in great and technicolor detail, with anyone and everyone around them. Sometimes within minutes of meeting them. They also share all of these details online.
And that’s not inherently wrong, particularly if it’s your natural communication style, but it can lead to serious safety issues, and it often comes with the expectation that others do the same.
As such, those who don’t reciprocate, who prefer to maintain their privacy, often end up being looked upon with suspicion.
In fact, the following misconceptions seem to be applied more and more often these days, as privacy wanes and, worryingly, people are expected to bare every detail about themselves.
8 common misconceptions about private people:
1. They have something to hide.
People seem to be expected to not only have multiple social media accounts these days, but to share everything about their lives on them. Furthermore, those who don’t have them are often accused of having something to hide.
The implication is that unless they’re willing to share all of their personal details, then there’s something disturbing or unsavory about them that they want to keep under wraps.
For example, before I met my partner, I dated casually via a couple of different apps. When the women I spoke to discovered that I didn’t have social media accounts for them to check, they generally accused me of being a cheater.
In their minds, if I didn’t have my life displayed on social media, then I must be in a relationship and looking for flings behind my partner’s back.
Other friends of mine who are similarly private about personal affairs have been accused of having awful criminal records or questionable political affiliations, or of working in fields that they should be ashamed of.
While I’m sure it’s true in some cases, a lot of the time it’s just that an individual doesn’t want their life on display — and if you’re someone who feels the same, it’s perfectly reasonable to protect what matters to you.
2. They’re antisocial.
People naturally mirror each other’s behavior. In fact, mirroring is one of the earliest social exercises that small children engage in.
As such, if some people don’t partake in what’s considered a ubiquitous social behavior, that can unnerve others and make them feel suspicious.
They perceive the other as being antisocial, as refusing to play by “normal” social expectations, and as having the potential to disrupt other people’s peace and sense of belonging.
In reality, people who don’t participate in these behaviors usually aren’t antisocial at all. They simply dance to their own tune instead of following the herd.
Some may be neurodivergent and uninterested in adhering to others’ expectations of sameness, while others just want to live their own lives, on their own terms, instead of being constrained by unspoken social rules.
3. They aren’t “real.”
You’ve probably noticed that people have been accusing each other of using AI left and right these days. People are so scared of being deceived that they’re overly enthusiastic about labelling things as false instead of finding out whether that’s the case or not.
For example, well-written paragraphs and art pieces that required real talent are summarily dismissed as being fabrications.
Unfortunately, the same accusations are often levelled towards people who choose to keep their personal lives private, particularly by folks who seem to think that they need to share every gory detail of their lives on all their social accounts.
If someone is unwilling to do the same, they risk being accused of not being a real person, but rather a fictional representation that someone is using to manipulate or otherwise hurt others.
After all, if they were a real human being and not an AI construct, then they should have no problem with publicly sharing all the details about their lives. Right?
4. That they’re manipulative.
Those who have had harmful past experiences with controlling or narcissistic individuals may assume that people who aren’t fully open about their own lives are engaged in some sort of power play.
Basically, they’ve learned the hard way that some people gather information about others in order to manipulate them, while simultaneously protecting themselves by sharing as little info about their lives as possible.
It’s understandable therefore, that they’d be wary, and sometimes, it pays to be. But in reality, many very private people have also been through hell and now they don’t want to talk about it.
They may have found that being open about the horrors they’ve experienced alienates or even hurts others, so they choose to keep those details to themselves.
They want to connect with other human beings, whilst seeking to protect them from the atrocities they’ve witnessed firsthand.
5. That they’re emotionally closed off.
Those who keep their private lives under wraps tend to be accused of being closed off, secretive, or emotionally unavailable by those who are open books about their lives.
But often, the truth is that many people have learned the hard way that not everyone is trustworthy or ethical.
They might have been more open about personal details in the past and had others use the details they shared against them. Or they had their trust betrayed when others shared those details without permission.
Now, they keep quiet and only share things when they feel confident and safe enough to do so, in order to protect themselves.
6. That they’re judgmental.
People who share everything about themselves, all at once, can sometimes accuse others of judging them poorly if they don’t seem to engage or share all of their own details in turn.
But often, this isn’t the case at all. Some people just like to cultivate relationships slowly and naturally and feel overwhelmed by hearing other people’s details and traumas all at once.
Additionally, they may have personal issues that they’re struggling with, which are triggered or exacerbated by hearing other people’s detail-laden stories.
For example, someone who’s just been given a difficult diagnosis might not want to hear all about someone else’s harrowing chemo ordeal, and that’s fair enough.
7. That they need encouragement to “come out of their shell.”
This often happens when boisterous groups of extroverts insist that the quiet person who keeps themselves to themselves simply needs to “open up more.”
They then take it upon themselves to harangue that individual into giving up details about themselves and socializing more in order to fit in with the crowd.
But introverts tend to be quiet, private people who only open up to select individuals, and only once they feel comfortable doing so.
Nothing about them needs to be “fixed”, any more than a neurodivergent person needs to be made neurotypical by bullying or shaming them into behaving the same way everyone else does.
8. That they’re untrustworthy.
Some people mistakenly believe that unless someone is an open book with everyone around them, including random strangers online, then they can’t be trusted.
They want to know everything they can about a person before they get too involved, and if that doesn’t happen immediately, they’re likely to keep their distance.
But these individuals often forget that trust works both ways. Human beings aren’t like online shopping. You can’t just find out all the details you want to know at the click of a button.
Some private individuals have experienced serious trauma or betrayal in the past, which means that they open up to others little by little instead of all at once.
If a person is being private and not divulging all their details the moment they meet someone, it’s likely a means of self-protection rather than a situation of them gathering intel for future manipulation.
Final thoughts…
When you use a washroom, you shut the door so you can have privacy while you tend to your ablutions. Similarly, if a complete stranger asks you about your intimate life, you’ll likely feel uncomfortable about such an inappropriate question.
Privacy is a fundamental human right that’s protected by international law, specifically to protect people from being attacked or having their lives intruded upon.
You don’t have to buckle to the pressure to share everything just because society has become obsessed with oversharing.
And if someone is giving you grief about being private, it may be worthwhile to find out why they’re so invested in knowing all about you and trying to make you lower your guard around them.
It likely says more about them than it does you.
