Trust is the foundation of any relationship. No matter what form your relationship takes or what boundaries you have established, being able to trust that your partner is telling you the truth is vital.
On the other hand, we’re only human and, sometimes, we get things wrong. No matter how good our intentions are, we mess up.
Lies creeping in can be a signal that something isn’t quite right in your relationship.
But messing up and risking losing someone you love can also be the jolt you need to recognize just what you have, and how terrible it would be to lose it.
Have you found yourself telling lies to your partner? Have you been unfaithful? Have you simply not been there for them at times when they really needed you?
If you’re wondering whether or not you can save the relationship that’s so important to you, don’t despair just yet. Where there’s a will, there’s hopefully a way.
True, the cracks might run too deep and it could be too late. And if you can save it, it will take an awful lot of work.
However, if you’re willing to put the effort and commitment in and accept responsibility for what you’ve done, your relationship might come back fighting, and even stronger than it was before.
Here are a few basic things to take into account that can help to rebuild trust and heal your relationship.
The individual circumstances will obviously be different for every couple so this is never going to be a comprehensive, foolproof guide…
…but, if you’re serious about saving your relationship, you should find some inspiration here to start healing the rift between you and your partner.
Lay Your Cards On The Table
If you’ve broken the trust that existed in the relationship, you need to admit to it and take responsibility for it.
Things need to be laid out clearly so you both know what has happened and where you stand.
If you’ve been unfaithful, spare them the precise, gory details, unless they specifically ask for them. In which case you should be honest.
In situations like this, the old saying ‘honesty is the best policy’ is truer than ever. From now on, even small lies you tell could make your partner suspect that you’re hiding something.
If you’ve decided that you want to stay in your relationship after having broken trust, don’t fall into the trap of trying to sweep it under the carpet and pretending it’s just going to disappear.
It will chip away at you, and chances are the truth will come out at some point, and it will be much worse when it does.
A lie confessed to quickly is one thing, but over the weeks, months, and years you’ll find yourself telling lots of other little lies to cover up the first lie.
This means that when your partner discovers the truth (and it is almost always when, not if), saving your relationship will no longer be possible.
Trying to hide what you’ve done is a sure-fire way to put an end to your relationship, sooner or later.
Consider The Reason Why
To regain their trust, your partner is going to want to know why you did what you did. So you need to have a good long think about what drove you to break their trust.
Be entirely honest with yourself and don’t shy away from the hard truths. The only way to fix this problem is to face it head on.
Remember that you’re not trying to find a justification here, or shift the blame onto someone else. You’re trying to get to the bottom of your behavior so you can explain it to your partner and be less likely to repeat the pattern.
When you tell your partner the truth, don’t try to justify yourself. Apologize from the bottom of your heart. And mean it.
If you say you’re never going to do it again, make sure that’s the truth that’s in your heart.
If you suspect this behavior might be something you repeat, perhaps you should reconsider whether the relationship is really right for you, or whether you both might be better off going your separate ways.
Katie splits her time between writing and translation. She writes about travel and self-care and never stays in one place for too long. She’s currently based in beautiful Cornwall, England, after long stints in Brazil and Mexico. She spends her free time trail running, exploring and devouring vegan food.