Many of us were encouraged to be tolerant and patient with other people’s drama when we were growing up. As a result, we’ve spent more time than we wanted dealing with issues that weren’t ours to carry — drama that we weren’t interested in and never wanted to know about, but were expected to engage with nonetheless.
But not anymore. You know you’re completely done with other people’s drama when you refuse to contend with situations like these:
1. Someone being an “ask-hole.”
You know the type: the person who asks for advice about a situation over and over again until they get the answer that they want to hear. Folks like these are usually in situations they despise. They know the actions that need to be taken to extricate themselves, but they constantly seek other people’s advice — even though they don’t want to hear it. They’re looking for one specific type of feedback that’ll validate their poor choice so they can blame someone else for their misfortune.
You’ve had enough of this noise and refuse to engage with it any further. If a person like this asks for your input for the 50th time, you simply respond with some variation of “I have already answered this question” and move on from there. If they insist upon asking you again, then you remove yourself from their presence without engaging further.
2. The story you’ve heard so many times, you could recite it verbatim.
The person in question has repeated this same story so often, you know it like the back of your own hand. In the past, you’ve been fairly patient and have humored them when they’ve started regaling everyone with this particular tale (again), but you’ve had quite enough of it now.
As soon as they bring up this tired old tale, you might either laugh and say, “I know how this one ends already!” and excuse yourself, or (if you’re feeling particularly prickly), you’ll remind them that they have already told this story a thousand times over and nobody wants to hear it again.
3. Engaging with imbeciles on social media.
Most of us have wasted precious hours of our lives arguing with cretins online — even when we’ve been fully aware that they were posting rage bait for engagement. We should have known that someone who’s dimwitted enough to claim that left-handed pencils are more expensive than right-handed ones would never listen to a reasonable argument, but no. No, we engaged anyway, and we’ll never get those minutes back.
Fortunately, you’ve gotten to a point where you refuse to partake in online drama and are instead terribly enthusiastic with the “block” function. Someone tries to argue that the Earth is flat? Block. They’re insisting that Africa is a country? Blockity-block.
4. Triangulation from family members.
You’re at a family gathering, and one of your parents starts harping on your sibling for one reason or another. That sibling is maintaining their calm and refusing to be baited, so your parent turns to you and tries to engage you into being “on their side” to convince your sibling to do (or not do) as they’re being instructed.
While you might have tried to play peacemaker in the past so as not to upset anyone by remaining neutral, when you’re done with drama, you have zero interest in taking on that role anymore. Instead, you make it abundantly clear that you aren’t getting involved, and either set boundaries (with consequences) or remove yourself from their presence altogether.
5. Gossip mongering behind other people’s backs.
Whereas you might have called out or argued over gossiping behavior in the past, you now can’t even be bothered to engage with it. If someone starts to dish the tea when you’re on the phone or texting, you’ll either refuse to acknowledge what was said or end the conversation entirely.
The same thing goes for gossip that goes around the office or your friend groups when you’re there in person. You don’t engage, and even if you don’t express verbally how patently unimpressed you are, your facial expressions will say it all. Even though you know you’ll likely become the subject of their ire by not partaking, you’ve had quite enough of this particular brand of drama, and you refuse to deal with any of it. Ever again.
6. When someone keeps jumping back into the same hole.
There’s a video on YouTube in which a sheep gets rescued from being stuck in a ditch, only to leap back into that ditch seconds after being freed. Similarly, many people keep throwing themselves into the same hole over and over again and turn to their social circles for comfort, reassurance, and even rescue when they do.
Whilst you might have tried to help them out in the past, you’re done with it now. If a person who has come crying to you dozens of times about the same issue chooses to do the same thing yet again, then that’s their burden to carry.
It’s like a person who insists upon gripping a piece of burning coal that’s hurting them terribly. That pain would alleviate as soon as they chose to drop the coal, and they’d start to heal immediately. But instead, they grip onto it tightly and expect everyone else to carry it too.
7. Being used as an emotional dumping ground.
If you’ve ever been told that you’re “such a good listener,” then you’ve likely been used as someone else’s emotional dumping ground more times than you can count. You won’t hear from someone until they’re going through difficulty, at which point they ask to meet up for coffee or a beer to “catch up.” Next thing you know, you’ve been listening to them vent about their issues for several hours. They feel so much better for having released all their pain, but it’s now hanging over you like a saturated duvet.
After experiencing all of this far too many times, you have zero intention of being a landfill for anyone else’s issues, ever again. If they need a heatsink or someone else to be a “good listener” for their myriad problems, they can talk to a therapist instead. You get zero benefit from being depleted by them, just so they can feel better for a little while. Enough is enough.
8. Being around muckrakers.
Just about all of us have known people who like to stir the pot in order to feed off other people’s responses. These emotional vampires will say or do things to antagonize others, taking great delight in the irritation or distress that they cause.
Sometimes they’ll veil their behavior as a “joke,” implying that others are being too sensitive when they get upset, while at other times they’ll just grin or giggle and enjoy the disturbance they created.
You’re beyond done with this kind of infantile behavior, and now avoid it as much as humanly possible. For instance, if there’s a relative who muckrakes like this on a regular basis, you probably decline invitations to any gathering where they’ll be in attendance. Alternatively, if you have no choice but to be present at these events, you’ll go “gray rock” with the instigator and refuse to engage with anything they say.
Final thoughts…
As we get older, we prioritize the things that bring us solace and discard that which steals our energy. Considering how draining people’s personal dramas can be, it’s no surprise that many (if not most) older folks choose to avoid them whenever possible. We simply don’t have the energy or the inclination to deal with drama the same way we did in our twenties. And nor should we! Anything that steals our peace at this point in life is too high a price to pay.
