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Many girls find it hard to believe their partner’s compliments.
There can be a range of reasons for this, most of which will be difficult to understand if you’ve not experienced them yourself.
If you’re struggling to get your girlfriend or partner to believe you when you tell her she’s beautiful, here are some tips to help you.
But first, it’s important to understand…
Why she doesn’t believe you.
There are so many things that play into a person’s ability to trust what they are told, especially in romantic relationships.
If your partner persistently turns down your compliments or pushes them away, it could be for one of several reasons.
They may have been bullied in the past and have a low sense of self-worth.
They may find it really hard to believe the nice things you say about them because they’re so used to hearing negative things.
Some women find it hard to believe that they’re beautiful because one or more people have, at some point, said something horrible about them and that has become the narrative they believe!
It’s sad, but sometimes, as a form of self-defense, women choose to believe the bad things because it’s easier than believing the good things and being hurt if those good things are then revoked or contradicted.
For example, you could tell her she’s beautiful one day and then, in a fight, tell her she’s ugly.
If she’s never believed that she’s beautiful and has always told herself she’s ugly, it will hurt less when you then say it.
It’s a way for a girl to protect herself against rejection or fear of being hurt.
Essentially, they put up a mental block in order to prevent any future pain or rejection.
Alternatively, they may never have been complimented before.
They may find it a bit embarrassing and not really know how to accept the lovely things you’re saying.
They might not want to say thank you in case it makes them seem big-headed, so they’ll push the compliments aside instead.
If you’re not used to being told nice things, you might not want to suddenly believe them in case it makes you seem a bit narcissistic!
As such, some women will refuse to accept compliments in the hopes of seeming modest or humble.
Another reason why a woman may not believe compliments is because they have been in an abusive relationship in the past that has affected their ability to trust.
They might find it hard to let their guard down or believe that things are good and healthy. They worry that it’ll all turn, or disappear, and may find it difficult to fully process what you’re telling them.
This could be any relationship, from intimate/romantic ones to their relationships with their parents.
It can be hard to trust if you’ve grown up being put down or have been made to feel like you have little worth.
How can you tell her in person?
See what works well as you go – it might be a bit of a guessing game to start with!
She might not like being complimented in public, or it might make her feel more confident if she feels a bit insecure when she’s around other people.
This, among many things, is something you’ll need to discover as your relationship evolves.
Being in a relationship is partly about figuring out what works for each other, so just be patient with the process.
If she’s been in an abusive relationship or has trust issues, she might just need some time to adjust to how you are and how you behave.
Don’t force it – if she’s looking uncomfortable, take a step back. Sometimes, we get so excited to share our love and appreciation for someone that we really push it on them!
This can work well if they’re at the same level as you, but for those who struggle to take compliments, it might feel like a bit too much, or may even feel insincere.
Ease into the compliments, but keep it genuine – you don’t need to be overly sappy or make a huge gesture, it can just be some small, sweet compliments every so often.
Tell her you like her hairstyle, notice when she’s wearing something new, tell her she makes you happy.
These are all little ways to say that you think she’s beautiful without saying it outright.
This paves the way for her to be open to how you feel about her and is a good way to ease her into knowing that you find her attractive and enjoy being with her.
Once you’ve introduced a few small compliments, you can start to really express how you feel and see how she responds.
Remember that you don’t always need to say the words “You are beautiful” to tell her that you think that!
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How can you remind her over text?
Little reminders over text can be a lovely way to help your partner become more comfortable with compliments.
Don’t go overboard as that can feel really fake and almost as though you’re saying it for the sake of it.
Instead, make it personal – if she’s wearing a specific dress you love, text her afterwards to say how good she looked when you saw her earlier.
Tell her you miss her and you’re looking forward to seeing her again.
Little texts every so often are a nice boost and will help her start to feel more confident.
They will also give her more faith and trust in both you and the relationship.
This will allow her to start believing the things you say, as she’ll know there’s a strong foundation already.
Small things make a huge difference to how we can feel, so send cute GIFs of animals with love-heart eyes when she sends you a selfie – why not?!
It’s okay to be silly with it; she’ll still know what you’re trying to say and may even find it easier to process and believe.
We sometimes think that we have to phrase things in the perfect way or make things feel intense by sending paragraphs of lovey-dovey goo – this really isn’t the case and may actually make her feel even less comfortable!
Instead, be playful with it – finding someone attractive and getting to be with them is so exciting, so send silly, flirty messages and have fun with it.
You can mention other things over text, like “I really meant what I said this morning, you look stunning in that dress.”
It’s just a little way of reaffirming a compliment that you’ve already given her and will make it crystal clear that you did mean it – you’ve said something with intention and it’ll remind her of the effort you put in to make her feel good.
What if she rejects you?
This whole process has to be something that is led by her. That’s important to remember when she chooses not to accept the nice things you are saying to/about her.
It can be frustrating when someone doesn’t believe the lovely things we tell them, and it can make us sad that they don’t think they’re worth those compliments!
However, her inability or fear around accepting these compliments will be something that has come from herself, from her past experiences or previous relationships.
As such, you can’t really know how to help. She’ll need to figure that out for herself and move forwards at her own pace.
You can try to support her, but you also need to give her the space to work out how to become more comfortable with compliments – from you or anyone else.
It’s important to let her process this kind of thing to help make your relationship nice and healthy moving forwards.
Quick fixes don’t help much as they don’t address the underlying issues that she may be dealing with.
It can be tricky to accept, but it will lead to a much stronger relationship moving forwards if she takes some time to work through her feelings and issues.
This isn’t to say there is anything ‘wrong’ with her at all! Just that she may want to have a think about why it’s so hard to accept being told she’s beautiful.
How can you say it without words?
If she’s finding it hard to believe you when you say she’s beautiful, try to show it as well.
It might be hard for her to hear the words outright, which is why small gestures can be an easier way to communicate your feelings.
Physical intimacy can be a good way to communicate how attractive you find her.
If you think she’ll reject being told she’s beautiful, try showing her and seeing how that works – hug her, give her a kiss, be proud to hold her hand in public.
These little things will help her realize that you are genuinely interested and do care about her; that she’s worth a lot and that you want to show off how great she is.
Do little things to make her happy, like buying flowers, bringing her coffee, cooking for her, organizing a movie night with her favorite film.
These are all ways to show that you care and value having her in your life – the more she can get comfortable with this kind of thing, the more comfortable she’ll become when you do then start to tell her that she’s beautiful.
How to keep this going.
Again, you don’t need to make any huge gestures! It’s okay to just do what feels right as you go along.
Remember that just because she may now be more comfortable with compliments, you don’t need to bombard her with them!
Compliments can quickly become a habit rather than something that’s done with intent, and this is not how it should be.
Make sure she knows you mean it by making it relevant – to what she’s wearing that day, to something sweet she’s done, or to something funny she’s said.
This is a good way to make it feel real for her and not just empty words!
Just try to keep doing your best to say, and show, that you care about her and think she’s beautiful.
She will hear you and see you and will also do her best to believe you.
Be patient and keep going with it, and make sure it comes from a genuine place; that you’re doing it to make her feel good and not just as a big expression of how you feel all the time, as that may be overwhelming for her.
That means doing it in ways that she feels comfortable with and trying your hardest to live that feeling all the time through your actions.
Still not sure how to tell your girlfriend or partner that she is beautiful and have her believe it? Chat online to a relationship expert from Relationship Hero who can help you figure things out. Simply click here to chat.