There are many different traits that draw us to our potential partners, and appearance is usually high on people’s lists of important qualities. After all, if you’re planning on being intimate with this person for the rest of your life, being physically attracted to them is rather important.
That said, looks aren’t everything — especially since they’ll start to fade decades before our clocks run out. This is why it’s so important to choose a partner who has numerous other qualities that’ll make them an ideal long-term companion. Qualities like these.
1. A sense of humor.
Being able to laugh with your partner is one of the greatest feelings in the world. Furthermore, as you move through life together and navigate everything from hardships to failing body systems, a great sense of humor can help you weather storms instead of giving in to despair.
Enjoying the same types of humor can help to get the two of you through just about anything, and can also increase the joy you share exponentially. And science confirms that couples who laugh together, stay together. You’ll likely end up being the fun old couple making dark jokes at funerals, putting googly eyes on your various pill bottles, or pranking each other on the regular.
2. Emotional resilience.
Emotionally strong and resilient people can weather things with grace and won’t fold at the slightest sign of trouble or crisis. They know that life will get difficult and will deal with whatever comes as it comes instead of crumpling. If you choose an emotionally resilient life partner, you won’t have to worry about having to shield them from hardship, nor will you wonder if they’ll stand by you: there’s no doubt that they will.
Sadly, a significant number of people will walk away from their partners at the first sign of difficulty, especially if it’s health-related. And alarmingly, research has shown that more often than not, men are more likely to do the walking when their wife gets sick than vice versa.
In fact, the strain it puts on a relationship is so common and significant that if someone gets a serious health diagnosis, medical staff are trained to warn their partner about the toll it may take on them. That’s why emotional resilience is so crucial in a life partner. An emotionally resilient partner won’t bail out when things get difficult: they’ll batten down the hatches and fight the good fight beside you.
3. Adaptability.
Being able to move with the situations and the times is invaluable in a partner because you know they’ll be able to navigate whatever life may hand you both. One of you might get a job in another country, for example, and someone who can easily adapt to a new environment (including language, customs, etc.) will have a much easier time than someone who freaks out if they’re removed from their comfort zone.
My partner grew up fairly well-off, but I’ve seen her adapt to life in a trailer or tent with as much dignity and ease as she navigates a black-tie event. I recommend cultivating a relationship with someone who can rig up a cinder block stove for post-tornado cookouts as easily as they can set a formal table with silverware (and use each utensil correctly!), as life will sail along much more smoothly, and with significantly more joy.
4. Some shared interests.
People don’t need to have everything in common with their partner to have a great relationship. In fact, it’s important to have one’s own interests and pursuits rather than morphing into a single being and doing everything together, rather than spending time alone.
That said, although opposites do sometimes attract, it’s great to have a few good interests or hobbies in common so you always have something to talk about or do together. For example, you might both enjoy reading but like different genres, so you can discuss what you read or curl up on the couch together to devour your books in comfortable silence. Similarly, if one of you is really into fitness and the other is a nature aficionado, you can go on long walks or forest hikes together: both benefit from the exercise as well as enjoying being out in the wild.
5. Personal principles and ethics.
There are few things more important in a relationship than knowing that your partner can be relied upon in any given situation. If this person holds true to their principles in the face of hardship and condemnation, or refuses to do something that goes against their ethics, that tells you all you need to know about their integrity.
Essentially, a person who doesn’t compromise their principles under pressure won’t back down when it comes to defending you, or your relationship, either. They love you, and they won’t ever do anything that’ll jeopardize your wellbeing — even if it’s the easier thing to do.
6. Loyalty.
If your partner is consistent in their loyalty in various aspects of their life, you know that they’ll also maintain loyalty when it comes to your partnership. Do they stand by and defend their friends when others put them down, or throw them to the wolves? If their beloved pet has to be euthanized, do they stay with them and hold them until their last breath? Or abandon their “fur babies” to die alone with strangers because they can’t handle the sadness?
A person who is fully committed to those they love and will stay with them through hardship as well as joy is someone who will undoubtedly show their life partner the same loyalty. If they make a promise, you know they’ll keep it, and that encompasses everything from fidelity to honoring agreements about child rearing, investments, and so on.
7. Capability.
Capability is one of the best traits to look for in a partner, because it shows that they’re an adult, rather than a child you’ll need to parent for the rest of your lives together. Look for someone who has a wide range of skills (and both the ability and the desire to learn more of them), and both of your lives will be far happier and more fulfilled in the long run.
When you choose a capable partner, you won’t have to carry them emotionally, nor will you have to teach them basic life skills like cooking, cleaning, paying bills, and general personal maintenance. Few things are as exasperating as trying to have a working partnership with someone who doesn’t know how to sew a button back onto a shirt, or uses both ammonia and bleach when trying to clean something.
8. Independence.
There are very few people on this planet who want to be joined at the hip with their partner 24/7. Not only do we all need regular alone time in order to stay sane, but we also like to pursue our own interests without necessarily sharing them.
This is why it’s so important to choose a partner who can do their own thing without constantly needing you to entertain them or help them. They can run their own errands without you having to be their emotional support animal, and if you go travelling, you know that you won’t have to supervise and accompany them the entire time.
9. Courage.
Life can get scary and intense at times, and a partner who can meet these challenges with courage instead of running away from them like a coward is worth their weight in gold. A courageous partner isn’t going to duck and run at the first sign of trouble, nor will they fall into self-pity when things get difficult.
That doesn’t mean that they won’t struggle or that they won’t be afraid at times, but they’ll continue to push through despite these feelings. The fear may be very warranted, and very awful, but they’ll keep going despite being afraid. After all, courage isn’t the absence of fear, but the ability to triumph over it.
Final thoughts…
Physical attraction is important, and if you’re going to be spending several decades with someone, you likely want to be fond of looking at them. That said, appearance changes over time, and none of us looks the same at 60 as we did at 20 or 30. The one you love will still have the same smile and the same mischief in their eyes, and if they embody most of the qualities listed here, they’ll be the best life partner you could have ever dreamed of.
