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So, you’ve got a crush – and you’ve got their number – what next?
Asking a guy out over text might feel a bit awkward, but it’s great for anyone who’s a bit shy about asking in person!
It gives you the chance to properly think about how you want to phrase it, and it gives them the chance to consider your offer carefully before they respond.
If you’re wondering how to ask someone out via text, we’ve put together this handy guide – complete with 12 sample texts you can make your own.
1. Ease into it.
Whether you’re finally asking out that guy you’ve had a crush on for ages or you’re texting someone for the first time, play it cool!
Ease your way into a fun conversation and have some light-hearted banter before dropping the big question.
If you know someone well or have hung out a few times, this gives you a chance to re-establish how well you get on in real life.
You can talk about the last time you saw them or about friends you have in common, for example.
If this is the start of what will hopefully be a beautiful romance, get to know each other over text a little bit before you launch yourself in.
Of course, some people like to go for it straightaway, but, chances are, if you’re asking someone out over text, you might be a little bit shy and want to take it slowly.
2. Be friendly, flirty, and fun.
Have fun with it – getting to know someone you fancy is the best bit about dating!
Don’t be scared to be a bit silly or sarcastic; chuck a bunch of emojis in there and play around.
You’re asking them out on a date, after all, and you want to make the invitation sound as exciting as the date itself will be.
If you got a boring text asking you out, you might not get that excited about it. A fun, flirty text, however? You’d say yes in a heartbeat!
Show them the friendly, silly side to your personality and they’ll be eager to meet up and get to know you more.
Keep things nice and chilled – try not to get too intense, even if you’re really into them!
We’re not saying you need to change who you are at all; just that it’s worth being a little bit cautious about what you reveal to them early on.
Try to avoid putting a lot of pressure on them as this can come across as a bit needy or pushy.
3. Gauge their interest.
Give them the space to text you and reply in their own time!
Only once you’ve met them and you both know if you want to take things further, can you start to form expectations around how long they take to reply to you etc.
For now, you’re just organizing a first date, so take it one step at a time and enjoy it.
By holding back a little bit, you’ll also get a better idea of how interested they are in you.
If it’s always you messaging them, it suggests you’re more into it than they are. That’s not a problem; it’s just something to be aware of.
If you’re already feeling like you’re ‘bothering’ them or they don’t really seem keen to chat, you might want to rethink asking them out.
They might not be that eager to meet up, or they might just not be in the same headspace as you. Either way, it’s always helpful to see how the other person feels before you put yourself out there.
4. Make it genuine.
Be yourself! As we mentioned above, being friendly and silly goes a long way in terms of getting to know someone in the early stages.
If, however, you read that section and instantly cringed, keep it more genuine to yourself and stay mellow.
If you’re not a super bubbly extrovert, don’t pretend to be. You can still let your lovely personality shine through in your own way – check out our example texts below…
Keep the conversation real, too. It can be tempting to make yourself sound like a different person over text (maybe telling them you’re an avid gym-goer or you’ve just been baking up a storm, despite neither of these things being true!), but there’s no point.
By presenting a fake version of yourself, you’re not letting the other person see who you truly are! It’ll all come out eventually and they’ll end up wondering why you lied.
Tempting as it may be, keep the compliments light-hearted! When you fancy someone, it’s easy to get into the habit of repeatedly telling them how attractive they are or how much you like their sense of style, for example.
This is sweet and it’s always nice to make someone feel good about themselves, but it’ll quickly start to feel quite fake and strange – even overbearing.
Drop a couple of nice lines in every so often, but don’t go overboard and frighten them off before you’ve even had a chance to get to know them.
They’ll realize you like them by the fact that you’re talking to them and asking them out – the rest can follow later.
5. Have a plan in mind.
You don’t need to have mapped out every minute of the date, but having something in mind is a good idea.
You can suggest going to a bar you know they like, or you can do some research and find a cool local gig or pub quiz, for example.
Someone asking you out is nice, but someone planning something they think you’ll love is even better!
Let them know that you want to take them on a date, so tailor it to something you think they’ll really enjoy.
If they don’t drink, for example, make sure you suggest somewhere that serves coffee or soft drinks! If they love art, ask them out on a gallery date.
Remember – despite the stereotype, it’s not just girls who like being wooed! Show that you care and that you want them to have a fun time with you and plan something exciting to share with them.
He’ll love the fact that you’ve thought it through and will feel really special.
12 Sample Texts To Make Your Own
For someone you already know:
You can afford to be a bit bolder and more casual.
1. Hey, was great to see you earlier – fancy grabbing a drink this week?
2. Hey stranger, it’s been a while! Coffee and catch up soon?
3. I’m craving that burger we had last month – fancy joining me for one tonight?
For a dating app date:
If it’s the first time you’ll be meeting for a date.
1. Hey, I’m really enjoying getting to know you – want to grab a coffee soon?
2. You’re so lovely to chat to, would love to meet in person! Are you free this week for a drink?
3. Would be great to meet and see if we get along this well in person 🙂 When’s good for you this week?
If you want to gauge the vibe:
Keep things open and suggest a general plan, not a specific time and date.
1. Are you free sometime this week for a drink?
2. Was wondering if you’d like to catch a movie sometime? I’ll get the popcorn 🙂
3. I’d love to go out sometime – you pick the time and I’ll pick the place!
For the bold ones:
Wear your heart on your sleeve and go for it.
1. Would love to see you for a drink later if you fancy it? #DateNight <3
2. I need a plus-one for a romantic dinner this weekend – fancy it?
3. Can I take you for a drink this Friday? First round is on me…
So, you’ve got your approach ready and you’ve drafted your text.
Once you’ve hit send, be patient. It can be really tempting to message again if you don’t get an instant reply – don’t do this!
They might want to think about how they feel about going on a date, it might have caught them off guard (if you’ve known them a while, they may be surprised!), or they might just not be on their phone at the exact second you texted them.
Give them some time to get back to you. Don’t send another text saying something like “Or not, totally up to you, no worries if you’re not feeling it, I totally get it, no stress at all, just let me know!”
It doesn’t sound as ‘easy breezy’ as you think and they’ll get confused about whether or not you do actually want to see them at all!
Wait it out, stop looking at your phone and see what happens.
So, they say yes…
Get excited, you’ve got a date with a guy you really like!
Keep the good vibes going, continue chatting and having fun with them and drop in a message a day or so before the date to let them know how much you’re looking forward to seeing them.
Don’t put too much pressure on them by endlessly texting to confirm or to check that they haven’t changed their mind. Just accept that they’ve said yes and that you’re going to have a lovely time together.
So, they say no…
If they decide they don’t fancy going on a date, it’s okay. It hurts and it probably feels a bit awkward, but it will be fine.
It could be for any number of reasons – they may be seeing someone else, it might be bad timing, or they might just not feel the same way as you.
The important thing is that you put yourself out there and tried.
Don’t be unfair and send a passive-aggressive text back! When we feel rejected, we can lash out a bit and can even get a little bit mean.
Instead, shrug it off and move on. Reply saying that you understand and appreciate their honesty.
You never know, seeing how well you’ve handled them turning down a date might actually make them more interested in you!
It sounds silly, but it shows how mature and sweet you are, and they’ll then have that as a memory or you rather than someone who sends nasty texts when they’re rejected!
However you decide to go about asking a guy out over text, remember – be yourself, show that you care and don’t be afraid to put yourself out there!
Still not sure what to say in your texts to this guy? Chat online to a relationship expert from Relationship Hero who can help you figure things out. Simply click here to chat.
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