13 Things To Do When She’s Pulling Away (And Why She's Doing It)

You like this girl, but it seems she no longer likes you…

You’re pretty certain she was interested in you – she was giving you all the signs.

But now she’s pulling away, and you don’t know what happened.

You want to go back to the way things were before, but how?

The first thing that you need to figure out is why she’s pulling away, and you’re about to. After you learn the reason why, we’ll proceed to the possible solutions to this problem.

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13 Reasons Why She Might Be Pulling Away

You probably don’t know what exactly happened. The girl you like simply pulled away from you, and she doesn’t seem so interested in you anymore. Why?

You should know that the reason for this might not have anything to do with you. Here are some of the possible explanations for her behavior:

1. She has a fear of intimacy.

Some people find it hard to open up to others because of the trauma from their past. It might be a bad experience from their previous relationships, inner demons, or childhood trauma.

If you’ve been getting closer to this girl lately just to have her pull away, she might have a fear of intimacy. She finds it hard to let you into her life because of her past, and this has nothing to do with you.

Things might have been fine at first when you were getting to know one another on a surface level. Your conversations were more like small talk than digging deep.

That was fine with her, but once things got real, she got scared. She’s afraid of opening her heart that much. She might also have trust issues that make it hard for her to realize that you’re not going to betray or hurt her if she opens up.

Your girl puts walls around herself, and you will have to put effort into gaining her trust if you want to be with her.

2. You’ve been acting clingy and needy.

You may have done something to push her away. Maybe you’ve been acting clingy and needy. Have you been overwhelming her with communication and insisting on spending a lot of time with her?

Do you hate it when she spends time with someone else, anyone else for that matter? Clinginess can happen when you fall in love with someone, but it is often considered overwhelming and even controlling.

The truth is, people tend to become clingy and needy when they fall for someone. However, no one wants a clingy and needy partner.

Don’t worry though, because this is something that you can work on and change.

Subconsciously, you won’t want to do this. But, if you make a conscious decision to adopt a more casual attitude and give her more space, she might come back.

3. You’re just not her type.

It could be as simple as that. Everyone has a type…and you might not be the type of man that this girl is usually interested in.

She might have thought that she could like you anyway, she might have really tried to like you, but she’s realized that she can’t.

When she was flirting with you, she might not have been serious about it because you’re not her type. This has nothing to do with you, and unfortunately, you can’t do anything about it.

Don’t try to change who you are just so you can be a certain girl’s type. You’re already some other girl’s type, you just need to find her.

4. You’re too different.

A woman might start rejecting you when she begins to realize that you don’t have a lot in common. It’s important for couples to share beliefs and core values to be a good match.

Maybe the two of you have little to nothing in common. This is a problem for serious relationships.

Yes, sometimes, opposites attract. However, everyone is looking for their perfect match—their soulmate.

If you don’t have common interests and don’t share a similar perspective of the world, you’ll have trouble communicating properly. Sure, you can talk, but you’ll run out of things to say, and you won’t be able to see eye to eye on a lot of things.

This will make it hard to have a meaningful conversation, and it might cause constant arguments.

Your girl probably realized this, so she started slowly distancing herself from you.

5. She wants something more casual.

Is it possible that she’s only looking for a casual relationship? This preference may be more common with men, but it happens with women too.

Not every girl is looking to get married and have children. Some just want to have fun and casual sex.

If you want a serious, long-term relationship with her, she has probably realized this and is backing off as a result. She doesn’t want to use you or string you along. So, she pulled away because you don’t want the same things.

You might be tempted to agree to a casual relationship just to be with her. Don’t do this. If it’s not what you truly want, you won’t be happy, and you’ll just get hurt in the end.

There are millions of women out there who want to settle down and commit just like you do. Don’t chase after the one that doesn’t.

6. She thinks that you just want sex.

It might be the other way around. Your girl wants a serious relationship, but she thinks that you don’t. She may have gotten the impression that you’re only interested in sex.

If she’s looking for something more meaningful, she’ll pull away and let you find someone who wants the same thing as you do.

Couples need to be on the same page when it comes to relationship goals. Everything the two of you want is fine. However, if you want different things, you’re not right for each other.

Someone will just get hurt, and everyone is trying to avoid that. Again, don’t pretend that you want something that you don’t truly want just to be with her.

7. She feels like you’ve pulled away.

It doesn’t matter who started it as long as someone ends it…

This girl might have simply reacted to you pulling away by doing the same herself. She got the impression that you’re not as interested in her as you actually are. She felt you distancing yourself from her, so she did the same to protect herself from getting hurt.

Have you really been the one pulling away from her? Could your recent behavior lead her to believe you aren’t as interested as you are? Maybe you’ve been busy and hard to reach lately.

The good news is, this is one of the easiest reasons to fix! It’s a simple misunderstanding. You’re still interested, so if you think she’s not aware of that, let her know.

8. She’s considering breaking up with you.

Unfortunately, the thing you probably fear the most might be true. She might be unsure about the relationship, or she already broke up with you in her head. Why? You might never find out, but don’t beat yourself up about it.

When a person doesn’t want to be with you, you’re better off without them. You wouldn’t be happy together if she’s no longer interested in you.

You can try talking to her to see if you can fix things somehow, but if it doesn’t work, let her go. Don’t waste your time with someone who doesn’t want you.

However, maybe the problem is that she doesn’t think that you’re serious about her and your relationship. In that case, you’ll talk it out, and you’ll be able to fix things since you probably are serious about her if you’re reading this article.

9. She’s manipulating you into chasing her.

Women can be sneaky sometimes. They want to be chased by men, and sometimes they manipulate men into chasing them. This could be her motive for pulling away.

She’s acting uninterested and cold so that you’ll want her more. She thinks that, by doing this, she’ll occupy your thoughts and control your emotions so that you chase her.

If she succeeds and you chase her, she’ll know that she can control you. Flirting and teasing are one thing, but manipulating someone isn’t okay.

You might even want to reconsider dating her altogether. Even if you still want to be with her, don’t let her manipulate you. Don’t chase her.

10. Things have been moving too fast for her.

Did things between you progress quickly without anyone seeing it coming? Maybe you recently went from just dating to being in a committed relationship, and it scared her. She might be freaking out because things have been moving forward much faster than she anticipated.

In addition, women can be scared of commitment just as much as men. Commitment comes with making your partner a priority instead of focusing solely on your own well-being. This can be scary for some women.

She doesn’t want her world to start revolving around you. Since she got in a relationship with you, she obviously likes you. However, she doesn’t want you to become all she thinks about. Giving her some space for a while might fix this issue.

11. She doesn’t want to fall in love with you.

People can be scared of falling in love, especially if they’ve been hurt before. And, let’s be honest, everyone has.

Maybe she doesn’t believe that you’ll reciprocate her feelings because she’s been rejected before. Perhaps she had bad experiences in her past relationships, or she only recently ended the last one.

Whatever you do, try not to pressure her, because it will push her away even further. Some people need more time to decide whether they’re ready to fall in love again. Give her some time, and don’t push her to commit as soon as possible.

12. You did something wrong.

Maybe you did do something to cause her to pull away. Something you said or did hurt her, and made her distance herself from you. She’s no longer sure that you’re the right man for her.

Do you know what you did? If so, try making up for it. Show her that you are the right man for her, it’s just that even the right men make mistakes sometimes.

If you don’t know what you did, try talking to her about it. Maybe she found out something that she didn’t like. Instead of confronting the man about a problem, women tend to pull away without explaining themselves.

13. Your relationship has become boring.

In the end, maybe the problem is that your relationship has fallen into a rut. Things aren’t exciting and fun anymore. In fact, they got boring. Maybe she’d prefer to go out with her friends instead of watching a movie with you on Friday night.

Your relationship might have become dull if you’ve been together for a while. So, she pulled away because she was bored. This is not that difficult to fix. You’ll just need to try new things to make your relationship exciting again.

13 Things You Can Do When She Pulls Away

You want to do whatever it takes to get her interest back, but it’s not that simple. Since the reason for this may have little to do with you, there may not be much that you can do about it.

For starters, try not to panic too much. Here are the next steps that you can take:

1. Determine the reason.

By now, you probably have a clue about why this girl pulled away. Dealing with the problem depends on the reason the problem occurred in the first place.

If it’s not about you or something you did, there’s not much that you can do about it. You’ll find a lot of advice on how to make a girl want you, but you can’t put a love spell on her if she’s made her decision.

However, if this is about you or something you did, you can try to make it up to her. Even if it’s about her issues, you can talk to her about them and try to help her overcome them.

In the end, you can always try reassuring her by proving that you’re the right guy for her. However, the exact steps you need to take depend on the specific reason that this has happened to you. A relationship expert can give you tailored advice based on your specific situation.

2. Talk to her about it.

Sometimes, communication can be so effective that it solves any problem. You don’t have to keep wondering what happened and how to fix it. Ask her about it, and she might give you the answers herself. It’s worth trying anyway.

However, don’t come off as needy or desperate. Stay cool and have a casual tone when you reach out to her.

Tell her that you’re feeling that something’s off and that you’d like her to let you know what’s going on. She might actually do that. Even if you don’t manage to figure out a solution, you at least won’t have to wonder what happened.

3. Try to fix things.

You can always try fixing things. It will show her that you’re serious about her and want to make things work.

If that’s not enough, it’s about her, not you.

You could try gaining her trust if she has trust issues or reassuring her that you’re not like her exes.

You could show her that you have things in common and want the same things.

You could slow things down if things have been moving too fast, or become less clingy.

Depending on the reason, you can take appropriate action to address the problem.

4. If you did something wrong, make up for it.

Don’t hesitate to apologize if you did or said something that hurt her. Show her that you are mature enough to take responsibility for your actions.

Let her know that everyone makes mistakes, but not everyone admits to them and tries to make up for them. Tell her that you are willing to do that because you want to be with her.

This will benefit you in more ways than one. Yes, you’ll probably get her back, but not just that. She’ll appreciate knowing that you own up to your mistakes. It will reassure her that she can have a healthy relationship with you.

5. Keep in mind that it may not have anything to do with you.

This has been mentioned repeatedly, but it’s very important to emphasize. You have to understand that you might not have done anything to deserve this. Don’t beat yourself up about it if it’s not about you.

Sometimes people simply don’t click, and that’s okay. Unless you did something to hurt her, her pulling away definitely isn’t your fault.

Okay, maybe you’ve been pressuring her to commit, or you acted needy, but you can work on this. She could have told you to slow down and give her some space instead of pulling away. So, whatever you do, don’t blame yourself.

6. Give her space.

Once you try to fix things, you should pull away a bit too. Let her have some space and time to think.

Show her that you’re not desperate or clingy and that you’re not going to suffocate her in the relationship. Back down a bit and let her reach out to you when she’s ready.

She might need some alone time to sort things out in her head, and that should be okay. You need some time to yourself too, even if you don’t want it right now.

Don’t obsess over her and the whole situation. Give both of you some room to breathe, and things might sort themselves out with time.

7. Don’t chase her.

You shouldn’t chase a woman when she doesn’t want to be chased. It will likely make her run. And, unless she’s doing this on purpose to make you chase her, she doesn’t want to be chased.

You should definitely make it clear that you’re still interested, but end it at that. Even if you do that, keep things casual and don’t prolong the conversation.

She needs to know that you like her and want to be with her, but she also needs to know that you are okay if she doesn’t reciprocate your feelings.

8. Don’t blow up her phone or stalk her social media.

Sending her ten messages in a row saying that you want her back and asking what’s wrong isn’t going to work. In fact, it could only push her further away from you. So, don’t blow up her phone.

You can talk to her if she is responsive and willing to discuss things with you. However, if she’s not, leave her alone.

For your own sake, don’t drive yourself crazy by stalking her social media either. You’re just going to make yourself crazy wondering if a simple “like” on her picture is actually her lover showing affection. Don’t do this to yourself.

9. Give it some time.

Sometimes, all it takes is a bit of time for things to naturally fall into place. A girl who’s pulling away isn’t in any rush to get closer again, and you shouldn’t pressure her.

Give it some time, and don’t obsess over it. Unless she already knows that she wants to end things with you, she’ll reach out to you when she’s ready. Just make sure that she knows you still want her, and that’s it.

After that, let her be and do your own thing. Try not to think about it too much and leave it to destiny.

If she comes back, great, if she doesn’t, you’ll survive and find a better girl. It’s not as easy as it sounds, but you don’t really have another choice.

10. Live your life.

When you give her time and space, don’t just sit there waiting for her to reach out to you again. Live your life. If you’ve done all you could, there’s no point in obsessing over it anymore.

Try to focus on other things that are going on in your life. Throw yourself into your career if you want, but find the time to have some fun too.

Go out with your friends and let them remind you of all the benefits of being single in case she doesn’t come back. Do more of the things that you love doing and take care of your well-being.

11. Try again.

After some time has passed, if she hasn’t reached out to you, you can contact her. Again, don’t blow up her phone or make her think that you’re desperate. Simply ask her what’s been going on with her. If she engages in the conversation, try talking to her about your relationship. Subtly inform her that you need to know where you stand with her.

If she talks about the problems in your relationship, see if you can find solutions together. You can try fixing things again, but only if that’s what she wants too.

Don’t be too eager to get back to the way things were before. She hurt you by pulling away, so she’s not the only one who’s reconsidering things now.

12. Show progress if given the opportunity.

If you do get back to the way things were before, show progress, especially in areas that were the problem. Let her know that things can be better and that you can improve.

This will be important for your future too. She’ll realize that you’re the kind of guy who’ll work on problems when they happen. And problems frequently happen in relationships. So, she’ll be reassured that she can have a long-lasting, healthy relationship with you.

13. Know when it’s time to let her go.

What if you don’t get back together? Well, you should know when it’s time to let her go and move on. Breakups always hurt, but they’re not the end of the world, even when it feels that way.

Let her go and remind yourself that there’ll be plenty of other girls. You don’t want the one that doesn’t want you anyway.

Go out and meet someone new when you’re ready. Don’t let this experience harm your self-esteem or make you think that there’s no one out there for you. There is.

Still not sure what you should do about her pulling away? This is a tricky situation, and one that can easily be made worse with the wrong approach. But Relationship Hero can guide the way and help you achieve the best outcome. Through regular sessions with a dedicated relationship expert (by yourself and/or as a couple), you’ll learn precisely how to create a healthier and more fulfilling relationship—one that can last a lifetime. Learn more about Relationship Hero and get the kind of tactical relationship advice and ongoing support you need.

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