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20 Things You Should Know Before Dating A Girl Who Thinks Too Much

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Some girls struggle with an overactive mind; they think about things more than you could ever have imagined. They can pose their own challenges, but ones that are very often worth taking on.

If you find yourself dating such a girl, there are some things that you really ought to know about her…

1. She may over-analyze what you say, so be careful with the language you use.

You may believe that language is adaptable and that words can be interchanged without affecting the meaning, but an over-thinker tends to be very literal.

This means she will pick apart the words you choose to use and confer a very particular meaning to them. She will see the difference between “good” and “great” or “yes” and “why not?” so choose what you say carefully.

Be sure to consider what you say before saying it – sometimes a little slip of the tongue can set her brain to work trying to decipher what you meant and the importance of it in the larger context of your relationship.

2. She may over-analyze what you do, so be careful how you act.

It’s not just your words that matter to an over-thinker, it’s also what you do.

She will see the subtle nuances in the ways you behave, both in her company and when you are apart.

Checking your phone when you’re with her, the length of time it takes you to reply to her texts, the gifts you buy her, the smallest of movements you make when huddled together on the sofa or lying in bed, your expectations in terms of cooking/cleaning/washing duties – these are the types of things that can trigger meandering thoughts in her mind (although they only represent the tip of the iceberg).

Be aware that, in her mind, every action has a meaning attached to it, so try to remain conscious of the potential signals you may be sending out where she is concerned.

3. She may bring up the past at random times.

Remember when…?
You once…
I once…

Expect to hear these words regularly when dating a girl who thinks too much. Thanks to her incessant mind chatter, it is common for her to dig up old memories – both involving you and from before you first met – and wish to talk about them.

This poses two problems: firstly, do you remember what she is talking about, and, secondly, in what context is she bringing this memory up?

If you don’t remember, it’s generally best to be honest and say so – don’t pretend to remember, because she will almost always catch you out on the details.

If you can, try to quickly detect the tone in her voice and signals in body language and attempt to figure out the reason she is bringing up a memory. Is she upset? Is she happy? Does she want to laugh at something that was previously upsetting? Is she trying to figure out the what ifs and the whys?

Having some clue as to the motive behind this memory recall will help you tailor your response.

4. She’ll often be indecisive, so be prepared to take the lead.

When it comes to choices that have to be made, her highly analytical mind can prevent her from coming to a decision.

If you ask her which restaurant she wants to go to, she’ll likely spend a long time weighing them up and trying to work out which is her preferred choice. But this process will only increase her angst and leave her in a state known as analysis paralysis.

Instead, she’ll normally be pleased if you take that decision yourself so that she does not have to think about it.

Don’t, however, think that you can make the big decisions by yourself or that you can make decisions about her life when they don’t really concern you. She won’t appreciate you for it.

5. She will ask for your opinion a lot, so be prepared to give it.

Thanks to the struggles she has in making decisions, she will often ask your opinion about things and she’ll want to hear an honest answer.

When she’s putting on her very own fashion show for you in order to choose an outfit to wear, make sure that you pay genuine attention to her and that you give an opinion that reflects what you truly think.

Saying “you’ll look great in any of them” might sound like the appropriate response in your mind, but remember, she is agonizing over the decision and needs help in making it.

6. She will have an insatiable appetite for information.

An over-thinker will often seek as much information about something as they can in an attempt to make sense of it all.

They will happily sit there looking things up on Google or asking for greater details when you are talking about something. Be prepared to expand any short answers you may have to her questions because, often, being concise is not what she wants.

She’ll likely be much happier if you ramble on and give a detailed response because it will allow her to interject when she has something to say. It will also help her build up a picture of you, your likes and dislikes, the way you think about things – vital information that she can file away for another time.

7. She will question things.

Because of her propensity to think and her desire for information, she will tend to ask questions about things so as to understand them as best she can.

She won’t always take someone’s word as gospel; she will ask why and how. She will listen to opinions, but she will want to know why that person thinks that way.

So be prepared to explain why you think something or feel a certain way.

8. The unknown often scares her, so she might need a little push.

Despite having a mind that works overtime to seek the meaning in things, she may well have a strong dislike of new experiences. The lack of foreknowledge can scare her more than it would for most other people.

It’s not always that she’s averse to trying new things, but she may need a little help to take the first steps. She may well find that she enjoys herself, but you should always be there in case she finds it all too much and needs your reassuring presence.

9. She’ll think about what you’re thinking – a lot.

As part of her quest for information, the girl who thinks too much will often find herself trying to get inside your mind to find out what you are thinking.

Sometimes she will straight up ask you what you are thinking, and you should generally avoid giving “nothing” as your answer. This simply won’t do for her; she will persevere until you give her a more substantial answer.

Other times, she will use what you say and what you do (as mentioned above) to piece together what she thinks you are thinking.

10. She’ll painstakingly read over her texts/emails/chat messages a million times.

Because she over-thinks things, she’ll obsessively check the written communications she sends for mistakes. She may well have to read something several times before she is satisfied that it is ready to send.

As a recipient of such messages, you should be prepared to wait while she gathers her thoughts and put them into words. If you are chatting via Facebook or Whatsapp, for instance, don’t fret if it says she’s typing for an extended length of time; she’s probably just making sure everything reads as she wants it to be read.

For her, miscommunication is unwelcome as it simply gives her mind even more to think about.

11. She can be blunt at times, even if she doesn’t wish to offend.

More often than not, lies do not come easily to a girl who thinks too much. After all, before she could lie, she would almost certainly think about all the ways in which it could come back to bite her.

Instead, she can be honest to the extent of coming across as quite blunt. She won’t normally want to offend, but she’d prefer to stick with the truth rather than have to worry about remembering a web of lies.

You should keep this in mind when she accidentally tells you that you have a big nose or that your shirt with sewn on elbow patches looks ridiculous.

12. She’ll get easily excited by potential, but equally disappointed if things don’t turn out as she’d hoped.

The prospect of something exciting in the future can take hold quickly as her mind imagines it in great detail over and over again.

If and when things turn out to be an anticlimax, however, she is likely to feel a greater level of disappointment. Her mind will dwell on it for far longer than most, and she will begin to wonder why it didn’t go as planned and what she could have done differently.

The best thing you can do is to get excited when she’s excited and to empathize with her when dejection occurs.

13. When things go wrong, she will assume the worst possible outcome.

Because her mind struggles to stop thinking, it is able to conceive of every possible outcome to a situation.

When something goes awry, however, the tendency is for her to focus on all the negative upshots.

She makes a mistake at work – she thinks her boss will fire her. She feels a pain in her body – she worries it might be something serious. The two of you have a disagreement – she starts to doubt whether you are right for each other.

In these situations, and others like them, you will have to be the voice of reason to calm her mind. In these instances, her analytical mind does not equate to a rational mind, but be sure to tread carefully when you try to point this out to her.

14. When things do turn out great, her joy will be immense.

On the other hand, when something goes absolutely to plan, she will experience enjoyment at the very upper end of the scale. Knowing that things have gone well despite the concerns she had beforehand, she is capable of releasing the burden and emptying herself of worry.

In these instances, you’ll get to share this ecstasy with her and they will be the moments you cherish for as long as you are together.

15. She’ll say sorry and mean it.

Nobody is perfect, and yet some people seem to think they are; they deny any wrongdoing and assume it was the fault of someone else.

Girls who think too much aren’t like this at all. It is their tendency to think about something over and over that actually makes them some of the best when it comes to holding their hands up and admitting when they are in the wrong.

So when she says she’s sorry, she genuinely means it. She has spent time considering her actions and reached the conclusion that she could have avoided causing you hurt.

What’s more, because she’ll never let herself forget it, she will be better than most at avoiding the same disagreements in the future.

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16. She’ll keep notes and make lists.

You may have come across over-thinkers before without even realizing it; they are often super organized and partial to taking notes or making lists and she may fall into this stereotype too.

She’ll do this in an effort not to forget any of the many important thoughts she has and to help her function in the world when her brain is so pre-occupied on some other notion.

It shouldn’t come as a surprise if she tries to include you in her organizational tasks. You may have to sync diaries, plan mealtimes for the week ahead, set reminders for things on your phone, or stick to a cleaning rota.

17. She’ll enjoy thinking most of the time, but she’ll find it hard to stop even when she doesn’t.

It is important not to assume that a girl who over-thinks things does not get some level of enjoyment out of it. She will probably be quite happy in her thoughts much of the time, but there will come a point where she wishes she could stop.

It is a good idea to discuss the signs that she wants to stop and any techniques that she finds helpful in doing so. When her thoughts begin to spiral down into something that is unhealthy, your ability to identify these signs will play a big role in helping her to overcome them.

This is one of the reasons why you should be accepting of her busy mind and actually try to understand it as best you can; having you on her side when she is struggling to cope can be a weight off her mind and one less thing to think about.

18. She will enjoy things that allow her to escape from her mind now and again.

When she’s had enough thinking for one day, she may well wish to find a distraction in the form of a book, movie, TV show, music, or something else.

You may not want to watch the same shows, and you may not like to read, but if these things are effective at quieting her mind, then you need to start accepting them – perhaps even embracing them.

What’s more, if you can suggest other things that might help to distract her for a while, then she’ll appreciate you all the more for it. A day at the seaside, tickets to a show, a walk through the woods, anything to push her into the now – just make sure that you’ve planned it in as much detail as possible so she doesn’t have to worry.

19. She’ll probably be a bad sleeper.

One of the unfortunate side-effects of thinking too much is that when she gets into bed, turns off the light, and lays her head on her pillow, she doesn’t instantly fall asleep.

She will often toss and turn as she tries to process all of the important things that have happened in the day and plan for all the important things that may or may not happen the next day.

Even when she does get to sleep, she may find it hard to remain that way. It is probable, therefore, that she will be a little tired on occasion and you need to be aware of this.

Tiredness can do all sorts of things to people, but normally it makes them less tolerant and more prone to outbursts of anger.

20. She might sometimes appreciate it when you tell her she’s over-thinking, or she may get upset by it.

It can be tempting to tell her when her mind seems stuck on something for a while and she may well be grateful to you for making her realize this.

And yet, there is also a clear risk that she may get upset by your words. It may even cause her mind to work even harder as it tries to decipher what you meant. Perhaps you are finding her annoying; perhaps you think she is being silly; maybe you disagree with something she is saying; these are the types of thoughts that will now enter her head.

Dating a girl with a tendency to over-think does have its differences, but there is nothing here that will prevent happiness and love from forming if it is meant to be. Now that you know some of the traits of such girls, you should be better positioned to identify them and more able to understand what is going on in her head.

Some of these traits will be closest to the surface when you first meet, but rest assured that, over time, they can and do sink down and play less of a role in your relationship. Eventually, some may disappear altogether – at least for the two of you – and only surface when there are other people involved.

This article does not describe every girl who thinks a lot. Some will exhibit more of these traits than others, and some will not share any of them at all. Please remember this when you think you know someone.

About The Author

Steve Phillips-Waller is the founder and editor of A Conscious Rethink. He has written extensively on the topics of life, relationships, and mental health for more than 8 years.