No matter what type of relationship you have with someone, all of them have one thing in common – they are built on a foundation of mutual respect. However, people have differing views of what actions or behaviors they consider to be respectful versus those they consider to be disrespectful. Because of that, there are times we could be doing something that offends someone else and not even realize it. To make sure you don’t fall into this pattern, here are twelve behaviors that are commonly seen as disrespectful that you should try your best to avoid.
1. Interrupting Others
Picture this: you’re talking to your friends about your day, but every time you try to make a point, someone else keeps cutting you off. It doesn’t feel nice, right? That is because when you choose to interrupt someone while they’re speaking, it indicates that you value your personal opinions over theirs, according to Psychology Today. This, in turn, can make the other person feel unheard and invalidated.
Now this is a tricky one, as people who are neurodivergent, such as those who are autistic, ADHD or both (AuDHD) may do this, and it doesn’t come from a place of disrespect. Instead, it can actually be an indicator that they are really engaged with what you are saying and want to share, or that they find it hard to read the conversational cues and know when to speak. And whilst this might leave you feeling like crap, in these cases, they aren’t intentionally treating you that way.
2. Ignoring Personal Space
Everyone has their own comfort levels regarding personal space. This can include how much physical contact someone is comfortable with, or how much personal information they are willing to share.
Again, this “space invading” can be influenced by things such as neurotype, culture, and even physical stature, according to research. But choosing to ignore someone’s boundaries, or not check them first, can not only come off as aggressive and intrusive, but also damage trust and respect in a relationship.
3. Using Your Phone During Conversations
The next time you have a conversation with someone, be mindful of how often you use your phone around them. An occasional glance is understandable, but if you find yourself constantly texting or checking your phone when someone is talking, it sends a clear message to the other person that you’re not interested in what they have to say. Not only this, but according to etiquette expert, Rosalinda Randall, it leads to missed details and misunderstanding, which breed resentment and relationship breakdown.
4. Only Reaching Out When They Need Something
Have you ever felt like your relationship with a friend or family member was purely transactional? Perhaps they only contact you when they need money or help with a project. If that is the case, this can come across as disrespectful because it demonstrates that they don’t value you as a whole, only when it benefits them.
5. Not Listening Properly
Active listening skills are a crucial – and often overlooked – aspect of healthy relationships. It’s not just hearing what the other person is saying, but also showing interest in the conversation. This might look different from person to person. For example, not everyone is comfortable with eye contact and that’s ok. A lack of eye contact doesn’t immediately signal disrespect despite what western society would have you believe, as this personal account (and countless others) show.
But failing to show that you are listening and engaged in other ways shows a lack of interest in the other person, and it can also lead to misunderstandings and resentment in the long run.
6. Refusing to Take Accountability
Everyone makes mistakes; it’s what makes us human. However, the true measure of a person’s character lies not in the mistakes themselves, but in how they handle them. Not taking ownership of mistakes or shifting the blame to someone else shows that that person values their own ego more than preserving and healing relationships with others.
7. Engaging In Mindless Gossip
Engaging in gossip may seem like harmless banter between others, but in reality, it can have a significant impact in how others perceive our character. No matter how miniscule the gossip is, going behind someone’s back to share their information reflects a lack of respect for someone’s privacy – along with a lack of personal integrity. And it’s a glaring red flag that they’ll be prepared to do the same to you.
8. Constant Tardiness
Life can get hectic, so it’s normal to find yourself running late every once in a while. However, if you find yourself constantly being late, that can negatively impact your relationships. Consistent lateness, or showing up late without a valid reason, indicates not only that you don’t value other people’s time, but that you’re also an unreliable person.
This can be harder for some than others, as experts say that time blindness is a real problem, particularly for those with ADHD. But in this modern age, there are always tools to help with executive dysfunction challenges if we view something as important enough.
9. Making Dismissive Comments
Healthy communication isn’t just listening to the other person; it also includes understanding and empathizing with what they have to say. Through behaviors like eye-rolling, making snide remarks or minimizing someone’s feelings, it suggests that you don’t care about what the other person has to say, leading to feelings of inadequacy and anger.
Some people don’t necessarily do this with ill intent. Often they think that dismissing or minimizing people’s struggles somehow helps them to feel better, when in reality, it does the complete opposite and leaves them feeling rubbish.
10. Using Offensive Language When You’re Upset
The next time you’re upset with someone, think before you speak. Sure, we’ve all had moments where our emotions get the best of us. But choosing to express those feelings through derogatory or offensive language can negatively impact your relationships with others by creating a hostile environment that leads to a loss of respect from others. No one has ever been left feeling good after being cursed at.
11. Offering Unsolicited Advice
When a loved one is experiencing a conflict, offering feedback on how to handle it may seem like the right thing to do. After all, you’re just trying to help. Isn’t that what they want?
Maybe, maybe not. If you’re unsure, don’t offer it without checking first. No matter how good our intentions are, giving advice to someone when they didn’t ask for it can come across as overbearing and make the other person feel like they can’t handle their issues by themselves.
12. Making Assumptions About Others
When it comes to jumping to conclusions about someone, there’s one popular phrase you should always remember – “assuming makes an ass of you and me.” By assuming you know someone’s background or character without taking the time to get to know them, you risk making them feel judged and creating distance in connection without even realizing it. Especially when you get your judgment all wrong.
