Body language can speak volumes in our daily interactions, but often not in the ways we’ve been led to believe. The non-verbal cues we exchange often get lost in translation, leading to misunderstandings that can affect our personal and professional relationships. While we think we’re reading others correctly, research suggests that we frequently jump to conclusions based on oversimplified interpretations of complex body language signals. Let’s explore some commonly misunderstood non-verbal cues and what they might actually mean.
1. Avoiding eye contact.
Read any article, post, or book on body language, and the myth that avoiding eye contact signals dishonesty or lack of confidence will be up there. Yet this massive oversimplification leads to serious misinterpretations of body language across cultural contexts, neurotypes, and other variables.
For neurodivergent individuals, including many who are autistic, eye contact can feel intensely uncomfortable or overstimulating. Their averted gaze isn’t hiding anything – it’s allowing them to process information better. What’s more, society’s obsession with eye contact as the gold standard does real harm because it encourages them to force it. This “masking” can have serious short and long-term effects on physical and mental health.
Those with social anxiety may also avoid eye contact for similar reasons of discomfort, as well as fear of being scrutinized.
Then there are cultural variations where sustained eye contact is actually considered disrespectful, particularly between people of different social statuses. The cultural anthropologist Edward T. Hall documented these differences in his groundbreaking work on proxemics, showing how non-verbal communication norms vary dramatically across cultures.
When someone doesn’t meet your eyes during conversation, it’s important to consider these alternative explanations before jumping to conclusions about their honesty or interest. The body language cue you’re reading as suspicious or rude might actually reflect cultural respect, cognitive processing, or sensory sensitivity.
2. Crossed arms.
I frequently sit, and even walk, with my arms crossed, but that’s not because I’m signalling defensiveness or closed-mindedness. For me, and many others, this body language simply indicates physical comfort. It’s a natural resting position that feels good for my shoulders and back. If I leave my arms dangling by my side, they just feel weird.
What’s more, when the temperature drops, crossing arms becomes a practical way to preserve body heat, completely unrelated to the conversation at hand. I noticed this at my old job in where the heating system in the meeting room was very temperamental – suddenly everyone looked defensive according to conventional body language wisdom!
Context matters enormously when interpreting this gesture. According to Joe Navarro, a former FBI agent and the author of “What Every Body Is Saying,” comfort-seeking behaviors are often misinterpreted as psychological barriers. His research shows that people frequently cross their arms simply because it’s comfortable, not because they’re rejecting what they’re hearing.
If you’re trying to read someone’s non-verbal cues, look for clusters of signals rather than focusing on isolated gestures. If someone has crossed arms but seems otherwise engaged, it’s likely nothing to do with emotional resistance.
3. Playing with the hair or touching the neck.
While many relationship guides will tell you this is a sign of flirtatious behavior, I’m sorry to tell you that the reality of body language is far more nuanced. Not every person touching their neck or twiddling their hair is deeply attracted to you.
The neck and hair contain sensitive nerve endings that research shows, when stimulated, can release tension and provide comfort during stressful situations. Psychologists call this “self-soothing behaviour.” It’s an unconscious attempt to regulate emotions through touch.
For some individuals, repetitive touching can be a form of stimming (self-stimulatory behavior). This is particularly common among neurodivergent people. Autistic women, in particular, are more likely to engage in these more subtle forms of stimming, such as hair twirling. Their behavior isn’t about social signals at all, but rather subtle sensory regulation or focus maintenance.
So, before you jump in and assume someone is desperately into you, consider the full context. It’ll save you a lot of trouble. If other flirtatious signals are absent, it’s more likely they are managing anxiety, thinking deeply, or unconsciously seeking sensory input through this non-verbal cue.
4. Personal space variations.
The distance we maintain during conversations varies dramatically across cultures and individuals, yet we often misinterpret body language differences through our lens of what’s comfortable.
Personal factors like past trauma, social anxiety, or sensory sensitivity can significantly impact someone’s comfort with physical proximity. What seems standoffish to someone who likes close contact might actually be self-protective.
What’s more, in Mediterranean and Middle Eastern cultures, standing closer during conversation demonstrates warmth and engagement, while North Americans and Northern Europeans typically prefer more distance. This is something else Edward T. Hall categorized these preferences in his proxemics research, showing how personal space expectations are not universal.
Interestingly, the COVID-19 pandemic has reshaped many people’s personal space preferences, with studies suggesting longer-term increases in distance comfort zones even after health concerns subsided. I completely resonate with this. Whereas I never even thought about it before, it now seems weird and uncomfortable to be within touching distance of people who aren’t my immediate family. I’m not worried about germs; it just feels odd.
When someone stands closer than you’re comfortable with, they’re likely following different cultural norms rather than showing romantic interest or being deliberately intrusive. Similarly, someone maintaining more distance isn’t necessarily being cold or aloof.
5. Fidgeting.
Fidgeting has long been branded as a sign of disinterest or boredom. Children everywhere are reprimanded daily to “stop fidgeting and pay attention,” a message that carries with them into adulthood. But research suggests that movement can actually improve focus and attention rather than indicating inattention. To stop a child (or adult, for that matter) from fidgeting to get them to listen to you may actually have the opposite effect.
This is particularly true for neurodivergent folk such as those who are autistic, ADHD, or both (AuDHD). The movement provides additional sensory input that helps the brain maintain alertness and engagement during conversations.
Then, even for neurotypical people, there is the context to consider. In stressful situations or at times when someone has been sitting for a long time, many people experience excess energy that needs physical release. This natural physiological response doesn’t mean they’re hiding something or feeling exceptionally anxious – it’s simply how their body processes their energy.
If you’re trying to read someone’s non-verbal cues accurately, avoid attributing negative motivations to fidgeting behaviors. A person playing with a pen, bouncing their leg, dooling, tapping their fingers, or shifting in their chair might be fully engaged and honest, just processing information in their own physical way.
6. What a genuine smile looks like.
We’ve often been led to believe that you can tell whether someone is smiling genuinely or not based on whether the smile “reaches their eyes.”
Many still cite this “Duchenne smile” (involving eye muscles) as the gold standard for authenticity, but recent research contradicts it. Not only have studies shown that people can easily fake a Duchenne smile, but they also reveal that a smile that involves the eye muscles may have more to do with the intensity of the smile rather than whether it’s genuine. I.e., just because someone doesn’t produce a Duchenne smile doesn’t mean they are faking it. They might be genuinely smiling rather than simply being polite, but the intensity of the smile isn’t great enough for it to reach the eyes.
What’s more, there is evidence that cultural differences can significantly impact how emotions are displayed and interpreted facially, with non-Western cultures less likely to use the Duchenne smile as a basis for assessing positive emotion.
It would appear that there’s literally far more than meets the eye when it comes to a Duchenne Smile.
7. A tilted head.
Search for any images of a confused person online, and they’ll likely be depicted with a slight head tilt (with a probable chin scratch thrown in for good measure). But confusion is not the only answer here. This body language signal can often indicate deep listening and active engagement with what you’re saying instead.
When we tilt our heads, we’re literally changing our perspective, signalling openness to new information. In animal behavior studies, head tilting is consistently associated with curiosity and the processing of information rather than confusion. The same applies to human body language – the person tilting their head is just as likely to be processing your words carefully as they are to be questioning their validity.
8. Touching the face during conversation.
The common belief that face touching indicates deception stems from oversimplified interpretations of complex body language. While research by Paul Ekman identified some connection between specific facial touches and stress, the leap to assuming dishonesty is largely unfounded.
For many people, touching their face provides tactile stimulation that helps with concentration during difficult conversations. This self-regulatory behavior helps manage cognitive load rather than concealing untruths, and is similar to the self-soothing or stimming behavior we discussed earlier.
When stress levels rise, our bodies naturally seek comfort through touch. The face, with its high concentration of nerve endings, becomes a natural target for these self-soothing behaviors, regardless of whether we’re telling the truth or not. And indeed, if someone is interrogating us, we’re likely to be stressed regardless of whether we’re lying. It’s a bit like that scenario when you walk through Airport security; even though you know you’ve got nothing to hide, you feel stressed anyway.
9. The link between facial expression and emotion.
The assumption that facial expressions directly reflect internal emotional states represents one of the most widespread misinterpretations of body language in everyday interactions.
Researchers looking at a wide range of studies found that what we know as the six basic emotions of anger, disgust, fear, happiness, sadness, and surprise did not reliably occur alongside the facial expression we expect them to.
I can attest to this, as someone afflicted with “Resting B*tch Face”, what happens to be my neutral expression certainly gives off an unitended contemptuous or judgmental vibe.
As always, facial expressions are heavily influenced by culture and neurotype. Certain cultures favour more neutral expression, whereas others are more expressive. For neurodivergent individuals, especially those who are autistic, facial expressions may not align with internal emotional states at all. Their non-verbal cues often follow entirely different patterns that neurotypical observers consistently misinterpret as rude, when actually they may indicate deep focus or simply processing information differently.
It may seem trivial, but I’ve seen just how dangerous these facial misreadings can be. In professional settings, these snap judgments can affect opportunities, and in personal relationships, these inaccurate judgments can lead to ostracism and isolation.
So the next time you believe you can “read” someone’s emotions from their face, remember that context, culture, and individual differences mean a lot more than the cue itself.
Final thoughts…
The nuanced world of body language requires more careful interpretation than most of us typically apply. Non-verbal cues rarely have singular, universal meanings, and context matters tremendously. By avoiding snap judgments about crossed arms, eye contact patterns, or fidgeting behaviors, we can become more accurate interpreters of the complex non-verbal signals around us.
Rather than relying on oversimplified “rules” about body language, approach each interaction with curiosity and awareness of cultural, personal, and situational factors. This more nuanced understanding can help prevent misunderstandings and build stronger, more empathetic connections in both personal and professional relationships.
