In a world that values conformity, those who stand out or speak up often get slapped with the “difficult” label. This harmful shorthand allows us to dismiss their perspectives without engaging with them meaningfully. We don’t see them as people with unique needs and valuable insights, but rather, a problem to be managed or eliminated, which is neither kind nor fair.
Of course, some people are difficult just for the sake of it, but that’s not what we’re talking about here. We’re talking about these 8 specific types of people who deserve better than the “difficult” label.
1. Women who don’t conform to the “good girl” rhetoric.
The pressure to be nice, agreeable, and accommodating follows women from childhood into adulthood, with those who step outside these expectations quickly labeled as difficult. This “Good Girl Syndrome” keeps many women trapped in patterns of people-pleasing and conflict avoidance.
In social settings, I’ve observed how women who directly express their needs or opinions face immediate pushback, while men expressing identical views are respected for their straightforwardness. In workplaces, a woman’s confidence gets labeled as “bossy” or “aggressive,” while a man’s identical behavior is seen as “leadership material.”
As Jane Goodall aptly noted, “It actually doesn’t take much to be considered a difficult woman. That’s why there are so many of us.”
The troubling reality is that this label serves as a control mechanism, pushing women to shrink themselves and their ambitions. When we find ourselves thinking of a woman as “difficult,” we might consider whether we’re actually encountering someone who simply refuses to be confined by restrictive and unnecessary gender expectations.
2. Those who enforce healthy boundaries.
Despite what we’re led to believe from a young age, people who say “no” to things that don’t serve them aren’t being obstructive or insolent – they’re practicing essential self-care, and what’s more, they’re modeling healthy behavior for everyone.
When someone enforces their boundaries, they’re demonstrating self-awareness and responsibility by recognizing their limits and needs. This honesty prevents burnout and ensures that what they do commit to receives their best effort.
The discomfort we feel when someone enforces boundaries often reveals our own unhealthy expectations. Instead of labeling boundary-setters as difficult, we might examine why we expect people to sacrifice their well-being and preferences for ours.
What’s more, by respecting others’ boundaries, we create cultures where sustainable practices replace the never-ending boom and bust cycle, which is better for all involved.
3. Those who need accommodations for disabilities or additional needs.
Whilst this applies to all people with disabilities or additional needs, it’s particularly pertinent for those whose needs or disabilities are often invisible to others. These include (but are not limited to) those with chronic pain, illness, or fatigue, or neurodivergent people like those who are autistic, ADHD, or both (AuDHD). Because people can’t obviously “see” their need, they assume it isn’t there. They then get slapped with the difficult label when they need adjustments at work, school, or in healthcare settings.
But when these people request adjustments for themselves or family members, they’re not being demanding – they’re advocating for basic inclusion. They aren’t asking for an unfair advantage or special treatment, they are asking to level the playing field so that they can participate fully. This image from the Interaction Institute for Social Change demonstrates the point beautifully.
Their requests, whether sensory breaks to allow an autistic child to access education without constant overwhelm or adjustments to the working from home policy for those with chronic conditions, aren’t special treatment but necessary equalizers. Without these accommodations, talented individuals face unnecessary barriers to contribution. And we need their contribution as much as everyone else’s.
4. Those who challenge outdated systems.
There is always that one person who questions “how things have always been done.” Whilst it might seem like they are arguing for argument’s sake, they’re actually demonstrating critical thinking that every organization needs. Their questions often expose inefficiencies that habit has rendered invisible to others.
Without system challengers who refuse to accept the “that’s just how we do things” mantra, we would never have progress. Consider Galileo Galilei, who was branded as difficult and even dangerous for challenging the Earth-centered model of the universe. His willingness to question established astronomical beliefs eventually transformed our understanding of our place in the cosmos, despite facing house arrest for his “troublesome” ideas.
The fear of disruption often leads us to label these innovators as difficult rather than visionary. But by shifting our perspective, we might recognize that their “difficult” questions actually represent courage and foresight.
5. Neurodivergent individuals with different communication styles.
People whose brains process information, such as those who are autistic, ADHD, or both, are frequently labelled rude, difficult, or contrary. But the reality is, they’re simply navigating a world that wasn’t designed with their neurology in mind.
When someone communicates in ways that seem direct, detailed, or differently paced, this reflects their natural neurological variation. It’s not a character flaw, and what’s more, their perspective may offer valuable insights precisely because it differs from neurotypical approaches.
Society has long since made out that it’s the autistic or ADHDers’ communication style that is the problem, and the expectation has been on them to change to meet neurotypical communication standards. But adjusting to neurotypical norms requires tremendous energy and is both unfair and extremely harmful to neurodivergent people. Instead of labeling different styles as difficult, we might recognize the effort they’re already making and meet them partway.
Furthermore, the real problem is our narrow expectations of how information “should” be exchanged. By expanding our view of what constitutes acceptable communication, we open up opportunities to collaborate with unique minds who approach problems differently.
6. The person who asks clarifying questions.
When someone pauses a conversation to ask what exactly you mean by something, they’re usually not being difficult or slow – they’re ensuring genuine understanding instead of proceeding with assumptions that could lead to misunderstandings.
This is something I do a lot, and it’s certainly not because I’m trying to be a pain. I struggle to follow verbal communication, and I don’t always get inferred or implied information. If I don’t understand exactly what’s being said, I’ll ask to prevent confusion further down the road.
At work, question-askers often save teams from heading down misguided paths or making costly mistakes based on faulty assumptions. Their questions might temporarily slow things down, but they ultimately speed progress by avoiding detours and dead ends.
In their desire to appear knowledgeable, some people stay silent when confused, but this serves no one. The person brave enough to ask what others might also be thinking deserves appreciation, not the “difficult” label that only serves to discourage future questions.
7. Detail-oriented colleagues who spot potential problems.
As a detail-oriented person myself, I know my old boss found it very frustrating when I would point out flaws in his seemingly perfect (but rather gung-ho) plans. Thankfully, despite his initial grumbles, he mostly realised that I wasn’t being negative – I was being thorough, catching issues that would otherwise derail projects down the line.
The meticulous nature of detail-focused folks can feel more than a little annoying when you’re eager to move forward, but their contribution is invaluable. Without their careful eye, small oversights can snowball into major failures.
Of course, there is balance to be had, and sometimes you do need to act quickly and take some risks in the process, but in my experience, embracing detail-oriented perspectives early often saves tremendous headaches later.
What’s more, the tendency to label these colleagues as difficult usually says more about our impatience than their value. In a world that demands everything now, now, now, it’s not surprising that people who actually take the time to think things through are treated as a problem rather than a possible solution.
8. Those who advocate for diversity and inclusion initiatives.
The words “diversity and inclusion” are often met with eye rolls, sighs, and comments about the “woke brigade,” largely from those privileged people who’ve never had a need to be more included. As such, they label those who are fighting to be included as difficult or troublesome, simply because they haven’t walked in their shoes.
But these individuals who push for more inclusive practices aren’t being troublesome – they’re working toward communities where everyone can contribute fully and where organizations benefit from diverse perspectives.
When someone raises concerns about representation or suggests more inclusive approaches, they’re often doing emotionally taxing work that benefits the entire group. Their advocacy typically comes from genuine care for both people and collective excellence, not out of a desire to be difficult for the sake of it.
If you’re someone who finds these people difficult, it’s worth exploring why. The resistance to inclusion initiatives often stems from discomfort with change or fear of difference rather than reasoned objection. What gets labeled as “difficult” is often actually a necessary disruption of harmful patterns. After all, Rosa Parks was initially labeled as difficult and troublesome for refusing to give up her bus seat, yet her resistance became a catalyst for dismantling segregation laws. Her willingness to challenge an unjust system changed history.
Final thoughts…
The “difficult” label says more about our discomfort with difference than about the people we apply it to. When we dismiss someone as difficult, we miss the chance to understand valuable perspectives that might improve our thinking.
Of course, some people genuinely are being difficult purely for attention or to exercise control – we aren’t suggesting that everyone labelled as difficult is misunderstood. Some folks do deliberately obstruct progress or create conflict. The key is discerning between those who bring valid but challenging perspectives and those who simply enjoy creating problems.
In my experience, though, the individuals we’ve discussed above can often be essential contributors once their approach is better understood.
So, next time you’re tempted to label someone as difficult, pause and ask what they might be seeing that you’re missing. Our most significant growth often comes precisely from those interactions that push us beyond our comfort zones.
