Some people are just great at pushing our buttons. You know the type—the coworker who constantly criticizes your work or the family member who never runs out of backhanded compliments. But no matter who they are, you have more power than you think. You can absolutely stop letting these people get under your skin, and here are twelve ways to do just that.
1. Pay attention to your body.
You might’ve noticed how your shoulders tense up when your mother starts giving unsolicited advice about your life choices or how your stomach knots when that certain coworker walks into the room. You should pay attention to these reactions. It’s your body’s way of telling you something important about what triggers you.
The more you notice these patterns, the better equipped you’ll be to handle them. Better yet, talking to a friend or counselor about these triggers can help you spot patterns you never noticed before.
2. Stick to your boundaries.
Despite what you’ve heard, setting boundaries isn’t mean or selfish. Instead, it’s how you keep your sanity intact—you’re telling people how to treat you, plain and simple. You don’t need to be over-the-top about telling people your boundaries. According to Very Well Health, the key is to keep it simple and clear. Just tell them straight-up about what works for you and what doesn’t.
The best part is that once you start setting clear boundaries, you’ll realize that most people actually respect them. And the people who don’t have told you everything you need to know about them. Stand your ground—you deserve it.
3. Let go of old hurts.
Holding onto anger is exhausting, and forgiveness is the antidote to that. But forgiveness doesn’t have to equal letting someone off the hook. In fact, studies show that forgiveness helps you free yourself from lugging around all that emotional weight. It’s about you, not them. You don’t have to be best friends with someone who hurt you.
You don’t even have to tell them you’ve forgiven them because the focus is on your peace of mind, not theirs. Forgive them for what they’ve done, and move on. You don’t have to forget about it, but it won’t serve you to continually dwell on it either.
4. Focus on the present.
When someone’s pushing your buttons, your mind probably races to every awful thing they’ve ever done or said. But instead of doing that, you should focus on right now. Take a breath and notice what’s happening around you.
This isn’t meant to be some kind of complex meditation routine. Rather, you’re trying to stay present instead of getting lost in your head. Try it next time someone starts getting under your skin. You might be surprised at how much calmer you feel.
5. Get smart about your feelings.
Understanding your emotions isn’t rocket science, yet not enough of us do it. After all, the better you get at recognizing what you’re feeling, the easier it becomes to deal with difficult situations and annoying people. Research suggests that emotional intelligence can even improve your relationship with yourself.
Are you really angry, or are you actually feeling hurt? Maybe what feels like rage is actually you being embarrassed. If so, it’s important for you to get in touch with that feeling. Getting to know your feelings helps you handle them better.
6. Remember that it’s usually not about you.
The truth is, most of the time when people act like jerks, it has nothing to do with you. Rather, that rude comment from your colleague is probably more about their bad day than your work performance. Similarly, your friend’s bad attitude is likely because they’re dealing with stuff you know nothing about.
Once you really understand that their emotions aren’t a reflection on you, you’ll feel a lot better. You can stop taking on other people’s emotional baggage. Instead, you’re able to save your energy for things that actually matter, like the things that bring you joy.
7. Be picky about your fights.
Not every annoying comment needs a response, and not every eye roll deserves your attention. Sometimes, the smartest move is to let things slide. While some might think that’s a sign of weakness, it’s actually because you’re smart about where you spend your energy.
After all, just think about it—will this matter in a week? A month? A year? If not, then it’s probably not worth getting worked up about, and you should save your energy for the stuff that really counts.
8. Say what you mean (nicely).
Avoid dropping hints and making passive-aggressive comments when someone riles you up. Even the silent treatment isn’t worth it, as a 2024 paper suggests it’s actually quite harmful. Just say what’s on your mind, respectfully and clearly, then watch how many problems this solves before they even start.
Direct communication doesn’t have to involve being harsh. You can be kind and clear at the same time. Tell people what you need, what bothers you, and what you expect. Most people will appreciate and respect your honesty, and they’ll be happy to do what you ask of them.
9. Take care of yourself.
When you’re tired or stressed, everything feels worse, and even someone who’s only mildly annoying becomes utterly unbearable. That small yet valid criticism feels like a personal attack because you slept badly or missed a meal. Whatever it is, make sure you’re taking care of the basics by getting enough sleep and eating regular meals.
Don’t forget to move your body, too. It’s not just good for your physical health, but taking care of yourself is a useful way of dealing with difficult people, too. Feeling good about yourself will help you handle challenges better and with the grace that these issues deserve.
10. Keep things light.
It sounds easy enough, but sometimes, the best way to deal with tension is to lighten things up. Of course, that doesn’t mean you should make jokes at anyone’s expense, but try to find humor in the situation because a well-timed laugh can completely change your feelings.
Just remember to keep it friendly and appropriate, as you’re trying to make things less intense. When you see the lighter side of things, you’ll find that the criticisms you receive don’t hurt as much.
11. Manage your time carefully.
If someone consistently stresses you out, it’s okay to limit your time with them. You don’t need a big announcement or dramatic exit. Just gradually create some space between the two of you until you’re ready to speak with them.
Managing your time doesn’t have to involve hiding or running away, but rather, it’s a way of being smart with your time and energy. Some people are best in small doses. And that’s totally fine, so you should never feel guilty about shying away from them.
Final thoughts…
Every difficult person in your life is there to teach you something, whether that’s about yourself or about dealing with tough situations. It could even be a lesson for you about what you will and won’t put up with. Whatever happens, take a minute after heated moments to think about what happened.
Ask yourself—what worked? What didn’t? What would you do differently next time? Having these will help you understand how to better handle future situations. This way, you won’t allow these people to get under your skin again. You already know how to deal with them!
