Hopefully, we all have days when we feel so confident that we might as well have sunshine beaming out of our skin. That said, we also experience days in which we feel like goblins who barely dare to crawl out of our caves. Unfortunately, we still need to show up and do what needs to be done on our goblin days, and that can sometimes require us to fake the poise and self-assurance we don’t sincerely feel. The empowering habits listed here can help you to connect with your confidence, even when you’re not initially feeling it.
1. Put on a costume.
This one may sound silly to you, but trust me when I say that it works astonishingly well. I used to work in PR and event management, and on days when I felt like I had zero confidence but still had to address massive crowds, I donned a “costume” that made me feel like queen of the universe. It consisted of a perfectly tailored dress, heels, perfume, and the most amazing lipstick I had ever found. And it worked.
Actors, priests, and other people who need to perform onstage use costumes and props to help them transform into something more than themselves, while changing their mindset and demeanor accordingly.
Assemble a couple of outfits with items that make you feel amazing about yourself, and reserve them for when you need a confidence boost. Use accessories like talismans, find a special perfume or cologne that makes you feel powerful, and don this ensemble whenever you need a confidence boost.
2. Envision yourself as a king, queen, CEO, etc.
Do you remember playing dress-up as a child and pretending that you were a prince/princess or superhero? How amazingly confident did you feel once you had announced that you were a character like this? Well, the good news is that you can still play pretend like that by envisioning yourself in exactly that role.
Essentially, visualize yourself as a powerful ruling authority who emanates confidence and charisma. If you were a king, queen, or other high-ranking person, how would you behave? How would you carry yourself? What would your speech patterns sound like? What would you eat and drink? Rather than the “fake it ‘til you make it” approach, polish up your imaginary play skills and put them to work.
3. Repeat some (believable) positive affirmations.
Positive affirmations aren’t just good for teaching kids to have greater self-esteem: they also work wonders when you’re having a bad day. The key to doing them effectively, however, is to choose phrases that you believe. Saying “I am strong and confident” when you actually feel like hot buttered garbage is not going to work.
Instead, write down phrases that you feel your subconscious will believe, and will help you get through whatever challenges you’re struggling with. For example:
“I am capable of doing difficult things.”
“I trust myself to handle whatever comes my way.”
“This difficulty will soon be proof of my capability.”
If you feel too awkward saying these out loud in a mirror, write them out in a journal at least three times each. The key is repetition until it feels real to you.
4. Keep a list of things you know you do well (or have survived!) at hand.
One thing that has helped me through some of the most difficult experiences in my life is a list of all the difficulties I had pushed my way through, the successes I had attained, and the skills I knew I excelled at. Whenever I feel my confidence falter, I read through that list as a fierce reminder of just how strong and capable I am.
You can keep this as a file on your phone or computer, but also make sure to keep a printed copy in your wallet or handbag. Fill it with all the things that make you feel strong and confident, and refer back to it as often as needed.
Did you survive a life-threatening illness? Achieved something you never thought possible? Are you amazingly skilled at something you love? Write all of that down and make it your own personal cheerleading reference.
5. Sit (or stand) as tall and strong as you can.
Improving your posture doesn’t just make you look taller: it reduces muscle strain and increases your oxygen intake. Research shows these physical responses can ease anxiety you may be feeling and bring about a greater sense of calm and confidence.
When we’re feeling down about ourselves, we naturally slouch and curl in on ourselves. This leads to shallower breathing, which can make anxiety worse and cause lightheadedness, dizziness, etc. In contrast, when you straighten your back and raise your head, you can take deeper, more regular breaths. This will help to keep you calm and grounded so you can face whatever unfolds.
6. Be prepared and well organized.
It’s much easier to be confident if you’re well prepared for whatever it is you’re doing. You may be feeling the worst case of imposter syndrome imaginable, but if all your ducks are in a row, you’ll feel much more stable and capable than if you were trying to negotiate complete chaos.
In any given situation, whatever it is you’re doing, aim to be as prepared and organized as you possibly can. This includes things like making contingency plans, having backup supplies on hand, lists of contact numbers that may be necessary, and enough cash to cover any unforeseen issues that may arise. Even if you’re screaming in panic internally like a terrified opossum, you’ll give off the air of immense capability to anyone who’s observing you.
7. Quash self-doubt by doing self-reflection and analysis regularly.
Make a point to keep checking in with yourself to see where your lack of self-confidence may be coming from. Whenever you find that you’re feeling low, grab a journal and a pen and try to work through all the nagging self-doubts that are arising.
Do you feel that they’re coming from you? Are you being haunted by negative things others have said to you in the past? Is it possible that you haven’t slept, hydrated, or eaten enough, and you’re feeling oversensitive?
Look at the contributing factors honestly, earnestly, and without negative judgment. They’re coming from somewhere, so treat yourself as a beloved friend and work through this with loving kindness.
Quite often, we build absolute nightmares in our own minds that are disproportionate in comparison to the reality we’re dealing with. When we’re feeling low or lacking in self-confidence, that’s a signal pointing us to where we could use a bit of self-work so we can build it back up again.
8. Read things aloud that inspire you.
When people are feeling low in self-confidence, one of the things that ends up being affected by the self-esteem drop is the way they speak. Instead of speaking confidently, they’ll sound hesitant and even timid, with their speech peppered with apologies. Many individuals will speak more quickly than usual, so they stumble over their words and use a lot of fillers such as “um”, “uh”, “like”, and so on. This just makes them even more self-conscious.
A good way to counteract this is to practice reading aloud on a regular basis. Choose a piece of literature that inspires you (including poetry or song lyrics if they really resonate with your spirit), and read it aloud when you’re alone.
Read slowly and intentionally, pausing regularly for emphasis, and project your voice so it sounds strong and confident. You can then use the vocalization work you’ve practiced when interacting with others. Speaking slowly and pausing between thoughts gives the appearance of self-confidence and assurance, even if you’re not feeling it. It also gives you the time to think about what you’re saying so that you can say it more clearly.
Final thoughts…
When you have low-confidence days, please try not to beat yourself up about them. We all have low days (sometimes even weeks or months), and being unkind or impatient about it doesn’t help the situation.
Try to extend the same grace and patience to yourself as you would to your friend or your child if they were going through a rough patch. Your confidence will return in time, but until then, the habits mentioned here can help you power through on even the greyest days.
