The way you handle conflict and carry yourself in difficult situations can dramatically influence the way people see you. Healthy people prefer being around a calm, thoughtful person than someone who is going to explode in anger or fall to pieces when things go wrong.
That’s not to say that maintaining your dignity in difficult situations is easy. “Difficult” situations can be anything from an argument to an accident, and they often catch us off guard. Often each difficult situation requires a different approach for a successful resolution.
So, what can you do to improve your responsiveness? Let’s look at 7 mental strategies used by people who manage to maintain their dignity in the trickiest of situations.
1. They use rational thinking to regulate their emotions.
Most people will get emotional during a difficult situation. It’s normal. Your brain is reacting to something unexpected and now you need to respond to it. People that maintain their dignity when these things happen understand that they will experience these emotions, but they don’t react based on them. That’s where rational thinking enters the picture.
As the University of Chicago informs us, rational thinking provides better emotional regulation, allowing a more healthy response. People with poor emotional regulation often have a difficult time separating their emotions from their reactions. If someone projects anger at them, they are more likely to fire right back with anger because, why wouldn’t they? If someone wants to be hostile to you, you be hostile to them, right? Well, no, because that can escalate a situation from bad to far worse fast. Rationalizing this is a key step in emotion regulation.
2. They accept what they can’t control.
Acceptance is not only the key to a happy life, but also an important part of managing difficult situations. Depending on what is happening, it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking, “This can’t be happening…” when it is, in fact, happening right in that moment. That trap of thoughts keeps the person from acting because they are too busy trying to figure out what’s going on.
Furthermore, when it comes to interpersonal relationships, you simply can’t change people. They are who they are, and they can only change themselves if they want to. If you have a relative that always wants to get into fights and screaming matches, you have to accept it. Once you accept it, you can learn to back off and not engage because it’s not going to lead anywhere positive.
There’s no point in struggling and trying to overcome someone who is like that. They won’t change until they want to. And they might never want to.
3. They employ empathy and take time to gain perspective.
Empathy can be hard to practice in difficult moments, particularly with strangers or when you have never experienced the thing a person is going through.
Dignity is often about maintaining your composure. Maintaining your composure is much easier to do if you’re able to empathize and put yourself in their shoes, according to Lesley University. Why are they being difficult? Is there a legitimate reason that they are behaving that way? Again, you can’t control their actions, but you can control your reactions.
Perspective can help you navigate difficult situations because it takes you out of the immediate issue. What are the short and long-term ramifications of reacting to this situation? It’s easy to want to argue back, but that can cost you a job, a relationship, or create other hardship in your life. In many cases, you only end up making yourself suffer because of a poor reaction.
Personally, empathy was always a struggle for me, having bipolar and being on the autistic spectrum. My difficulty empathizing with other people often made situations much worse because it only felt like they were attacking me. Once I explored my empathy response through therapy and practice, it was much easier to have disagreements without getting angry about it. I’m glad for that, too. It’s incredibly embarrassing to react with anger over the slightest problems. Plus, in my experience, it only makes things worse.
4. They have self-confidence that stems from internal validation.
People who don’t have strong self-confidence are often easier to offend because they take difficult situations personally. Furthermore, they may react badly if they require external validation to feel good about themselves. A difficult situation can be interpreted as insulting or threatening to their source of external validation. Thus, they react in anger to try to protect it. Alternatively, if they really lack confidence, they may not react angrily to a situation, but are unlikely to stand up for themselves either. That communicates that they are a doormat to be walked on, which makes difficult situations all that much harder because difficult people often don’t respect doormats.
On the flip side, those with strong inner confidence don’t require external validation or approval. They are confident in themselves and thus, don’t take things personally or overreact. That’s why self-confidence and internal validation both work together to help you keep your cool.
5. They respect themselves, which means they set and enforce firm boundaries.
Boundaries are an essential part of self-esteem and healthy relationships. Why? Because only you can decide what is okay for you. Understanding and enforcing your boundaries allows you to more easily depart from difficult situations because you know that you’re not going to tolerate a situation or behavior. You don’t have to think about it in the moment because you’ve already decided, “I’m not tolerating this kind of thing.”
Self-respect often informs boundaries. People with poor self-respect often have weak or no boundaries that other people can push past. Self-respect is about ensuring that you are taking care of yourself, so you aren’t harmed by other people. That helps guide your behavior in difficult situations because you know when it’s time to remove yourself from the situation to avoid negativity.
6. They have an adaptable mindset.
People with an adaptable mindset understand that most situations aren’t permanent, and neither are they. They understand that flexibility is necessary to navigate the more challenging circumstances of their lives. Negativity will come whether it’s from people or life situations. But, when it comes, they understand that they don’t have to dwell in the negativity by trying to force the situation to be something that it’s not.
Instead, bad circumstances or people may force us to adapt to the situation to make peace with it. In a perfect world, you could do something like just quit a bad job with a bad boss or coworker. But, we don’t live in a perfect world. We live in a world where sometimes we must find a way to navigate that difficult situation until we can change it. Leaving or changing a situation isn’t always easy.
7. They stay grounded in the present.
Mindfulness is the practice of being grounded in the present. People who are well-grounded in the present are less likely to react poorly to stresses and provocations. They understand that what they are experiencing right now is temporary, one way or another. However, they know that the actions they take in that moment can create long-lasting repercussions.
To be mindful is to be grounded. It’s knowing that you don’t have to make the present situation any more difficult than it needs to be. Right now, in the present, there is a difficult situation to navigate through, and if you take it moment by moment, then you’ll be through it. Mindfulness teaches us to ask the question, “How can I best use this moment I’m experiencing?”
Final thoughts…
Maintaining your dignity in a difficult situation often comes down to interpreting the situation correctly and employing emotional control. Emotional control is so necessary to keep your perspective from being tainted by whatever chaos is currently going on. A difficult person yelling at you is going to make you defensive and prone to lashing back with anger, while a difficult situation may cause you to freeze up or make bad decisions.
The better you understand yourself, your emotions, and how you respond, the better you can change the way that you respond. Sinking to the level of a difficult person or reacting poorly to a bad situation may cause repercussions that will harm you by circumstance or other people.
No one is saying it’s easy, but it’s always worthwhile to try and maintain your composure and react with dignity when difficult situations occur.
