It’s a common trope that many people turn into curmudgeons when they get older, but what transforms a previously light-hearted person into a miserly, miserable old grouch? Well, many of them make the mistakes listed below, and as a result, they become versions of themselves they no longer recognize.
1. They focus on everything they can no longer do.
People who were extremely capable at certain things when they were younger are often devastated when they’re no longer able to do those things. Instead of accepting life’s inevitable changes, they lament who they used to be, and express their misery to everyone around them. They loathe the body and mind they now have.
But if you want to like yourself as you get older, you need to adjust your expectations. Instead of trying to cling to their former self, it would be far better to be who they are now and work with that. They may not be able to do parkour anymore, but they can still do Tai Chi and weight training if they’d only change their mindset and attitude.
2. They dwell on past regrets.
Most of us regret at least a couple of things that we’ve done in the past, but those things are long gone and can’t be changed. Many total grumps can’t let go of these regrets and mope about them instead of having the courage to change direction and move on.
What we see as “mistakes” are most often opportunities to learn from experience and avoid repeating those missteps in the future, according to Psychology Today. They’re life lessons, not life sentences, and shouldn’t be treated as such.
3. They don’t try anything new because they assume it’ll be awful.
The same people who grump about eating spaghetti Bolognese every Thursday are inevitably those who refuse to try anything else. They’re locked into routines, and choose comfortable familiarity over risk — even when it comes to something as simple as a meal.
In their minds, everything beyond their scope of experience is sure to be terrible, so they don’t bother giving it a chance. Although studies show that aversion to new music is due to neural processing issues as we age, intentionally avoiding new, different things is also a choice.
4. They lose their sense of curiosity.
You’ve likely come across bad-tempered older people who naysay things as soon as they hear about them. They’ll come across a new scientific study and brush it off as hogwash, or hear about an amazing archaeological discovery and ask why that’s more important than curing their bunions.
Instead of maintaining a sense of curiosity and wonder about the world around them, they’re firmly mired in all the things that irritate them or make them uncomfortable. To them, life is a miserable slog instead of a wonder to celebrate.
5. They are mentally inflexible.
Many older people are known for being resistant to change, and that includes (but is not limited to) learning new approaches, perspectives, and so on. For example, some will insist upon calling a brand item by its old name rather than its new one, and complain heartily about how inconvenient it is for them to change now, at their age.
We lose mental neuroplasticity as we age, which is why it’s so important to do brain training to create new neural pathways and remain as mentally fit as possible.
6. They marinate in bitterness instead of acknowledging accountability.
A significant number of total grumps who seem bitter and jaded in their elder years are that way because they cling to a victim mentality about various issues. They inevitably blame everyone around them for all their misfortunes and refuse to accept accountability for the role they played in their circumstances.
For example, if they’re bitter because their adult kids cut off contact with them, they refuse to consider that their own actions may have caused that rift. They focus on others’ wrongdoings and never their own. Not only that, but this bitterness means they are unable to let go of perceived wrongdoings. Instead, they hold on to these grudges and use them as further fuel for their perpetual victim mentality.
7. They focus on whatever the world isn’t at that point in time.
It’s sunny outside and the birds are singing beautifully, but the temperature is too cold for them to go for a little walk to enjoy the day. Or the garden needs watering, but they don’t want it to rain outside because they want to sit out there. They just can’t be thankful for the many things that are going well, and they perpetuate their cycle of misery as a result.
To them, everything that doesn’t go exactly as they’d like is a monumental personal inconvenience. They don’t switch gears, put on different clothes, and adapt to what’s going on, but simply dig in their heels and complain about it all.
8. They get frustrated by other people for simply existing.
Since many older people want the world to revolve on their terms, they get annoyed when other people’s mere existence encroaches upon their preferences. They’ll grump if someone else is sitting on their favorite park bench when they visit it, or if children are playing too loudly in a backyard nearby.
Instead of being happy that others are enjoying their lives, they seem to see other people’s existence as infringing upon their own. They’ll even scold other adults for not acting the way they want them to.
9. They glorify nostalgia instead of living in the “now.”
We get it: a lot of great things happened in past decades, and many people are nostalgic for a “simpler” time when they were young, carefree, and didn’t have to remember a thousand website and app passwords.
That said, problems arise when people spend more time glorifying bygone days than living in the present moment. Every minute they spend gazing backward is a minute they’re never going to get back — wasted on the pedestal of the past instead of living and enjoying this moment, right here, right now.
10. They neglect their health.
It’s difficult to be light-hearted and fun to be around when you’re in pain. In fact, people who deal with chronic illnesses tend to be seen as “grumpy” because they’re dealing with symptoms that interfere with just about everything they want to do in their lives.
This is why it’s so important to be as proactive about your health as you can be. Eat a balanced diet, stay active (both physically and mentally), and aim to nip issues in the bud before they grow into bigger problems.
11. They engage in frequent hypocrisy.
You’ve likely come across many older people who hold terrible double standards about their behavior: they’ll act a particular way, but then get absolutely furious when other people do the exact same things that they do.
This lack of introspection and self-awareness invariably leads to conflicts with their family and friends, as they refuse to either acknowledge their hypocrisy or take action to amend it. Everything they do is justified, and they’ll often say things like: “Do as I say, not as I do”.
12. They refuse to work through and resolve old traumas.
Although many people put in the effort to heal and move on from past traumas, others have chosen to repress their experiences and don’t resolve them at all. This invariably leads them to be perpetually on edge, grumpy, and distracted from the present moment. They may even trauma dump on people who are ill-equipped to deal with it.
If a trauma happened 40 years ago, then they’ve spent 40 years choosing not to resolve it. It’s never too late to be proactive about addressing and healing from old wounds, rather than simply grumping about them.
