You’re probably familiar with the adage that when someone shows you who they are, you should believe them. Actions say a great deal more about a person’s character than their words do, since many people talk a good game about how great they are, and then behave atrociously when they think nobody is watching. Observe those around you to see whether they display any of the gestures listed below, as they’ll offer far more insight about their character than their hollow platitudes or self-aggrandizing words ever will.
1. An empty smile.
How a person smiles says a great deal about them. For example, if their smile seems genuine but doesn’t reach their eyes, they may not be capable of feeling certain emotions (but it may also indicate that they’re extremely tired).
Or someone who might smile brightly and seem incredibly sincere and exuberant, but there’s no emotion in their eyes at all. In fact, they seem almost dead inside, or try to avoid direct eye contact when they usually have no problem with it because they know they’re being fake.
Watch for the microexpressions in a person’s face that act as “nonverbal leakage”, as per this research paper. These may give you a greater insight about who they really are and what they’re really feeling.
2. Whether they clean up after themselves or not.
Observe how this person behaves with regard to picking up (or cleaning up) after themselves. For example, if you share a meal at their home, do they walk away from the dining table afterwards and let their spouse take care of all the cleaning? Or do they offer to help? When you’re out with them, do they toss refuse in a garbage can or leave it for someone else to clean up after them?
If they don’t take the initiative to pick up after themselves (or even offer to help), they’re sending a clear message that other people can do these menial tasks for them. You’ll often witness this in the service industry, where people will leave trays of fast food detritus on tables for the staff to take care of.
Generally, one of these is the action of a responsible adult, and the other is the action of an entitled, disrespectful child.
3. Taking the last of something instead of offering it to someone else.
When there’s only a little bit left of something, does this person offer it around to see if anyone else would like it? Or do they grab it and scuttle off with it before anyone else can? Those who fall into the latter category are generally seen as greedy, selfish self-serving rather than altruistic, according to Neurolaunch. They place the highest importance on getting their own needs and wants met rather than being courteous and putting others first.
This can sometimes be a fear and shame response, especially if that person has experienced great poverty and lack in their life that has left them stuck in survival mode. People like this will often take the last of any given item quietly, so nobody knows it was them. I’ve witnessed this kind of thing firsthand in work environments as well as in personal relationships, and you may have as well, such as when a colleague takes the last donut at the office or a housemate or partner eats the last slice of leftover pizza before someone else can. Basically, they want it for themselves, but they don’t want others to think poorly of them for taking it.
How do you feel about a person who announces there’s one thing left and that they’ll take it if nobody else wants it versus someone who simply takes it and leaves the empty box on the counter? Most of us view the latter behavior with contempt, while the former behavior is acknowledged as more noble and courteous.
4. How they treat small wild animals when they think no one is looking.
How a person behaves towards the smallest and most vulnerable creatures in the world speaks volumes about their character.
Are they throwing stones at squirrels and birds? Feeding them gently? Or stealing their young to have a laugh and get some video to share on social media? If wild mice make their way into their home, do they use humane traps and then set the mice free? Or do they use horrible glue traps that will cause the little ones to suffer terribly before they die?
A person who is diligent about caring for small, wild creatures will generally show that same empathy and care towards everyone (and everything) else in their life.
5. Whether they offer help to a stranger or not.
Most people are quick to help those they know but hesitate to help strangers in need. Watch the people in your life to see how they respond to strangers versus how they are with those whom they feel can benefit them.
Do they step over the homeless man on the sidewalk without making eye contact, or do they smile gently and acknowledge that he’s a person? If someone looks like they’re lost, will they ask them if they’re in need of help? Or let someone else step up to offer assistance? Alternatively, if they’re asked for help directly, do they provide it? The way they behave here says far more about whether they are a good person than words ever could.
6. How they deal with immense pain (physical or emotional).
How a person deals with pain and distress will also tell you a great deal about them. Whether a person is suffering from the pain and side effects of chronic illness or is grieving a terrible loss, their actions will display their true character.
For example, a person who’s stoic and composed and offers kindness to others despite their own suffering shows immense strength of character. They refuse to take their stress out on others, even when they’re going through their own hell. This is a far cry from someone who feels that the pain they’re experiencing gives them free rein to inflict suffering upon others.
7. What they do with their presence.
A person’s body language often says more than their words ever could, especially when it comes to how they behave towards others. You’ve likely sensed when someone who has Aura +1000 walks into a room because their presence is immense, but what do they do with this presence? Do they use it to intimidate people? Or to make others feel safe?
For example, do they get down on a knee to calm a frightened child or a whimpering animal, or do they loom above them? Furthermore, if someone else is behaving in a threatening manner — such as being intimidating towards their partner, a child, or an animal — does this person expand towards it or contract away from it? Do they step in front of the vulnerable creature to defend it? Or hold their partner or child like a shield in front of them?
Final thoughts…
I find it beneficial to scrutinize my own actions to gain a greater understanding of human behavior. Whenever someone does something that I find off-putting, I analyze whether I dislike their behavior because I recognize similarities to my own or because it’s the antithesis of everything I hold sacred. By doing this, I’ve learned how to identify traits and gestures that show people aren’t as nice as they pretend to be. Once you learn how to read the signs, you can glean more about the people around you than you could ever imagine.
