A toxic workplace can be utterly destructive to your mental health. In a perfect world, we would be able to quit a toxic job and find different employment. Unfortunately, that’s not always an option when you indulge in such luxuries as food and shelter.
As such, it’s important to maintain your integrity when you don’t have the option to walk away. Why? Not only is it good for your soul and peace of mind, but other people will remember it, too. After all, if you work in a small industry, one of your coworkers may be your interviewer a few years down the road.
So, what are some of those toxic workplace norms you want to avoid if you’re going to keep your strength of character intact?
1. Engaging in gossip.
Toxic workplaces often have a rumor mill. People love to whisper behind one another’s backs. A malicious person will be seeking out information to weaponize against the people they perceive as enemies. The unfortunate reality is that many adults never age out of the high school mindset, and it’s especially annoying when you just want to do your job and go home.
“But I like gossip! I like the drama!” I’m not casting judgment on what you like and don’t like. But do take a moment to think about what gossip and drama are. They are essentially exploiting the unhappiness of other people for entertainment value. That’s not a good look, especially since gossip can often be inaccurate.
“Did you hear about Deborah getting divorced!?” That’s not entertainment. That’s a family breaking up, a trauma happening to everyone involved, and probably a lot of fear of an unknown future. Why would I want to talk about that?
And, never forget, if someone will gossip with you, they will gossip about you when you aren’t around. Gossip destroys trust and poisons relationships, so if you want to keep your self-respect and the respect of others intact, it’s best to stop engaging in it.
2. Undermining your coworkers.
Competence doesn’t require sabotage to succeed. It’s only people trapped in that zero-sum mindset who think that if someone else is winning, then they must be losing. But that isn’t reality for most people. You don’t have to compare yourself to other people or try to drag them down to keep them from looking better than you.
That’s an important lesson I learned in my own life – what is self-confidence versus arrogance. Self-confidence is knowing you are competent and valuable regardless of the outcome or other people’s achievements. Arrogance, on the other hand, needs to put someone down to elevate oneself. An arrogant person needs to feel they are better than the people around them, and often sabotages others if they can, to avoid looking bad.
3. Taking advantage of loose boundaries.
People who are in a toxic workplace typically either lack boundaries or haven’t found a different job yet. Dr. Michelle McQuaid writes that the people who lack boundaries will often stay in a toxic workplace. These people are easy to exploit, which is why their employers are doing exactly that.
But a person of high moral character will not do that, even if everyone else is. They will not see that person as someone to offload their additional responsibilities and workload onto. Instead, a person of high character will shoulder their own burden and do their own work because it’s the right thing to do.
Yes, I understand it’s tempting to make things a little less stressful for yourself. But you’re also undermining yourself and the other person by pushing them closer to burnout. After all, if they end up quitting, someone’s going to have to do their work.
4. Normalizing overwork.
I remember when I was a young man in my early 20s. I was working third shifts in a hardware store, stocking plumbing. One night, I was moving water heaters and toilets around. An older coworker of mine wandered past and said, “Hey. You should slow down and put that stuff on a cart to move it. If you injure yourself, the company is going to fight to not pay for it. They don’t care about you. Never work at 100% either, otherwise that’ll become your normal.”
The 100% comment is entirely contextual, of course. There are plenty of things you should put 100% of your effort into. However, if you’re in a toxic job where competence is just rewarded with more work and responsibility, with no more money attached? That’s where the issue is. In a healthy environment run by people who know what they’re doing, competence is rewarded, not punished by working you to an early grave.
I know it may sound like a fairy tale, but working environments that treat you well when you work well do exist. Don’t fall for the whole, “Oh, you’re so good at this! Would you mind taking over Layla’s old job since she left? Only temporarily, of course. Increase in pay? Mmm, that’s not in the budget right now.”
If you want a peaceful work-life balance in a toxic environment, only work as hard as the average worker. That way, you don’t shine too brightly, and it prevents, “Hey, would you mind just doing this thing…” and then that thing now becoming part of your expected job.
5. Giving credit upward while pushing others down.
A common way that manipulators influence the boss is to minimize the contributions of other employees while maximizing their own or their boss’s contributions. To give you an example, John works on a group project where everyone contributes fairly equally. However, John is trying to make himself look better, so he heaps praise on the team lead for guiding them to success.
He downplays the contributions of the rest of the group. He may even downplay his own contribution because John’s goal is to curry favor with the boss. A cunning manipulator will have no problem taking that perceived loss that wasn’t actually a loss if it brings them closer to their ultimate goal.
The problem is that everyone else in the group will clearly notice it happening, even if they don’t understand why it’s happening. If you want to maintain your integrity, remember this golden rule: never do anything at another person’s expense.
6. Adapting your values and ethics to fit the environment.
People often see adapting their values to fit their environment as a factor in their survival. There is a problem with that line of thinking, though. Yes, it may be worthwhile and necessary in an environment where you have no other choice. If that’s the way it is, then that’s the way it is. However, it needs to be a last resort rather than what you default to.
There are several reasons for that. The first is that you’ll sleep better at night, knowing you’re being true to yourself. The second is the matter of your coworkers. As I previously mentioned, at some point down the line, one of these coworkers may be interviewing you, giving you a reference, or making you a job offer. And they will remember how you acted if they hear your name come up later.
Even though this approach can make things a bit harder with the toxic people at your work, the people who are not engaged in those behaviors will remember it. Sticking to your morals and ethics also provides you with a great benefit – the toxic people tend to avoid you. If they know you don’t gossip, mince words, or engage in dishonesty, they are less likely to try to pull you in as a co-conspirator.
They want other people they can play ball with to be around. If you stick to your morals, they will avoid you and congregate with the other people who carry themselves in a toxic fashion instead.
Closing thoughts…
I have worked a lot of bad jobs in my life. I remember when I started my first job at seventeen, and how bright-eyed I was about it. I wanted to go to work, work hard, and earn my money. What I found when I got there was a whole lot of juvenile games that reminded me too much of high school.
I ran into the cliques, social mismatches, and malicious people trying to get ahead. I let myself get pulled into that sort of thing too much. But it was the wrong thing to do. Those choices created bad habits in me that took years to break. Don’t let that be you. You’re far better off finding a different job if you’re able to.
