While it may feel cathartic to gripe about things on occasion, what’s more important is to determine whether your words are improving upon silence. The most intelligent people you’ll ever meet will stop complaining about the things below as they age because there are far more important things they could spend their energy on.
1. Things that they’re capable of changing (or not).
Intelligent people tend to either accept the things they cannot change or take action to change what they can. They’re fully aware that if they’re capable of making change happen and don’t, then that’s a conscious decision on their part, and they’d better not complain about it.
In contrast, if the things they’re struggling with are beyond their capacity to improve, they do their best to accept them with grace and dignity. Complaining won’t make things any better, so why bother moaning about them?
2. The weather.
The most intelligent people are well aware that they can’t control the outdoor environment like they can their homes. As a result, they don’t bother to complain that the weather isn’t conforming to their personal preferences: they simply adjust their plans (and their attire) accordingly, rather than moping. As Dr. Kim Meidenbauer tells us, “subjective experience of the weather is what affects us emotionally, with the objective conditions playing a very small role.”
A Norse proverb states: “There is no such thing as bad weather, only bad clothing.” Intelligent people are always prepared by dressing in layers, carrying umbrellas and sunscreen, and adapting to whatever the weather decides to do next.
3. Other people’s life choices.
You won’t catch intelligent people being horribly judgmental because they are perfectly cognizant of the fact that others’ lives are their own to live as they see fit. If they aren’t personally affected by someone else’s choices or actions, they’re in no position to judge, approve of, or even think about them.
How a person chooses to spend their life is nobody’s business but their own. To have children or not, have a career or a trade, be monogamous or have a harem… all of these are individual choices that don’t require anyone else’s acceptance.
4. How people wronged them in their youth.
While it’s perfectly valid to be upset about something bad that happened several years ago, intelligent people make the conscious decision to deal with those issues rather than letting them fester for the rest of their lives.
They’ll seek out measures to help them move on, such as getting therapy or channeling their pain into creativity or physical movement. Either way, they don’t allow themselves to remain in the muck and mire of their past experiences as though they’re condemned to suffer there forever.
5. “Boring” chores and adult responsibilities.
We are not entitled to perpetual entertainment. Many — if not most — of the everyday tasks we need to take care of aren’t exactly exciting, but they need to be done nonetheless. Intelligent people don’t complain about mundane tasks but simply get them done without complaint.
In fact, truly intelligent people reframe these tasks as opportunities and feel immense gratitude to be able to do them. Those dirty dishes are proof that they ate well that day, and folding laundry means that they’re warm and have a safe place to live.
6. Things they don’t like.
It’s perfectly natural to have a wide range of likes and dislikes, and none of us are going to enjoy everything we come across. That said, people can absolutely have their own preferences without standing on a soapbox and announcing them to everyone around them.
They simply don’t partake in the things they dislike and carry on with their own lives. There’s no need to express to the person who’s adding cheese to their salad that they don’t like it. Let others like the things they like, and carry on with your own business.
7. Feeling excluded.
We are not all going to be included in every event, group, or other social dynamic we come across, regardless of whether we want to be or not. The reality of existence dictates that not everything is for us, and not everyone will like us.
Insisting on being included in things because of personal wants shows a terrible degree of childish entitlement. Different groups exist to encourage different interests, pursuits, and marginalized groups, and that’s completely fine and nothing to ever complain about.
8. Physical attributes.
Intelligent people rarely complain about physical attributes, whether their own or someone else’s. They appreciate everyone as individuals with their own unique traits, rather than believing that there’s only one acceptable way for anyone to look.
As such, they’d never insult someone for not fitting into conventional attractiveness standards. Similarly, they’re much more accepting of their own physicality, and whatever they can’t change, they’ll accept with grace and self-directed compassion.
9. Change.
Most people have their creature comforts and appreciate routine and reliability. That said, if their favorite canned beans aren’t in stock at the supermarket, intelligent people will simply buy a different brand instead rather than complain about it.
Adaptability is a key trait of intelligent individuals, who can shift direction and be content with change as it happens. The exception to this is when fiercely intelligent neurodivergent people, such as those who are autistic or autistic plus ADHD (AuDHD), may be terribly uncomfortable with unanticipated changes because they can cause confusion and/or anxiety.
10. Not winning all the time.
The greatest joy we can experience when playing a game is the game itself, not whether one wins or loses. Playing allows us to practice different skills and strategies, seeing what works and what should be avoided. This also applies to any other situation that may be won or lost.
While winning feels great when it happens, losing graciously can also teach us a great deal. It encourages us to keep improving and to be supportive to the winners without our egos getting in the way.
11. Being replaced or overshadowed.
You may have overheard people complain about being outshone by a colleague at work or feeling like second best because someone younger, faster, or otherwise more capable surpassed the record they held for one thing or another.
Intelligent people don’t complain about having their legacy lost to another because they know that every experience is fleeting. Instead, they’ll encourage those who will step into their shoes, knowing that they might be able to take that practice or pursuit to the next level for the benefit of all.
12. Other people being wrong (e.g., religion).
Many people turn to religion because they’re afraid of what will happen after death. As such, if someone else follows a different religion to theirs, it may cause them to question their chosen path and lash out against those who make them feel uncertain.
In contrast, it’s a huge mark of intelligence when a person can hold two opposing ideas at the same time, according to Psychology Today. We can acknowledge that two people can both be right about their beliefs and that there is no one true way to experience the world.
