We all experience things in our lives that change us for better or for worse, depending on the direction we choose to take with them. In fact, the actions we take can even change the course of our entire lives.
The moments listed here are situations that many people will face at some point, which will often either strengthen or weaken their integrity. Many people gloss over just how important these situations can be, failing to recognize the impact they have on their personal development. As such, it’s important to give them the attention they rightfully deserve.
1. How they handle a serious mistake.
Most of us grew up with fairy tales that contained important morality lessons. The ones that made a huge impact on me when I was a child had to do with the importance of honesty and how decisions based on integrity can shape a person’s life. In tales like these, there were severe consequences to lying and rewards for telling the truth, even if that truth was unpleasant or initially reflected badly on them.
The same can be said for real life when it comes to either denying or confessing to a mistake we’ve made. How a person chooses to handle a serious mistake they’ve made can either increase or damage their integrity — both in their own eyes and those of others.
Personally, I’ve found that owning up to serious errors might have been difficult at the moment, but ultimately resulted in me maintaining my self-respect and the respect of my peers, employers, and so on. In contrast, those I knew who tried to cover things up to spare themselves potential difficulty inevitably earned only contempt and mistrust.
2. How they behave when no one else is watching.
It’s easy to be on one’s best behavior when there are others around to witness any potential transgressions. How someone behaves when nobody is watching them, and there’s little to no chance of being found out, is another story entirely. A person who returns a lost wallet full of cash instead of keeping it because they’re struggling, for example, or refuses to roll past a stop sign in the middle of nowhere late at night, speaks volumes about their integrity.
Contrary to what you might assume, it often isn’t big gestures or experience that can either strengthen or weaken integrity, but small, everyday choices that lead to great change in one direction or another. These choices are cumulative, even if they seem relatively unimportant while they’re occurring. After all, just as good acts compound, one small white lie can quickly grow into a vast web of deception if more lies follow suit.
3. Their approach to ending an intimate relationship that isn’t working anymore.
There are right and wrong ways to end romantic relationships, and the one a person chooses will either strengthen or weaken their integrity. Breaking up is never easy, but it’s a mark of immense integrity to be honest and forthright with one’s partner — preferably in person — to let them know that things aren’t working, and that it’s time to part ways.
This is in stark contrast to those who end intimate relationships over text, or by ghosting and cutting that person off like they never existed. It’s one thing to end a dalliance in this fashion if it’s only lasted a couple of weeks, but some people have come home to find that their partner or spouse of a decade or more has simply up and disappeared.
If an individual behaves in this manner due to cowardice or conflict avoidance, it not only weakens their integrity in general but also lowers other people’s views of them permanently.
4. How they treat those in vulnerable situations.
If you come across a turtle stuck on its back or a beached octopus, do you stop and take a video of it to increase their social media views? Do you leap into action to help it? Or laugh until shamed into taking (grudging) action by others?
Similarly, if there’s a person who’s in a vulnerable state due to inebriation, do you take advantage to serve themselves (i.e., taking money from their wallet or worse), or do you protect them instead?
There are a lot of factors that may contribute to how a person behaves when faced with another’s vulnerability. For example, those who have always felt weak and powerless may take the opportunity to have power over another in a situation like this. Alternatively, they may feel protective and want to prevent this vulnerable creature from experiencing the same hardships that they’ve endured. Either way, their actions in these moments will last a lifetime, both for themselves and others.
5. Whether or not they speak up when someone acts in a way that goes against what they feel is right.
Many people claim they have beliefs or strong morals, but when someone else acts in a way that goes against them, and they have the power to speak up, they don’t.
For example, if a group of friends is having a night out together and one of them starts behaving reprehensibly, many in the group would stay quiet to keep the peace instead of calling them out. Similarly, if it becomes apparent that someone in their circle is mistreating their spouse (or worse), they may not say anything, even though it appals them, using “it’s not my place to interfere in other people’s marriages” as an excuse.
After a tragedy occurs, many people talk about how they always knew that something bad was going on, but they didn’t feel it was their place to do anything about it. A large number of them also feel immensely guilty that they never took action when they had the opportunity to do so. It’s in those moments where someone either hesitates or steps up that their integrity either grows or shrinks. And furthermore, their actions (or lack thereof) can change someone else’s world forever.
6. When someone close to them violates one of their core tenets.
Imagine you have a person who has made it abundantly clear that they won’t tolerate a particular type of behavior, which they consider highly unethical. They decry this behavior, fire colleagues or cut off friends who exhibit it, and offer little to no leniency when doling out punishment for it.
So how do they respond if and when their spouse, sibling, or favored child partakes in it? Are they as stalwart and inflexible about consequences if someone close to them violates their most strongly held convictions? Is this person lenient towards one and steadfast with another for the exact same transgression? Or do they choose fairness and integrity across the board? Though these kinds of decisions are hard for sure, they often say the most about a person and their convictions.
7. Whether they’ll cheat if there’s zero chance of getting caught.
It’s the age-old question: if an individual is in a situation where they have the opportunity to cheat, knowing that they’ll never get caught, do they do so? Or do they maintain their integrity at the cost of personal gain? How we deal with a situation like this will determine whether our integrity is either strengthened or weakened, and what’s more, it may lay the foundation for future behaviors as well.
For example, if someone is strapped for cash and discovers that the accountant at their workplace isn’t super diligent about checking worksheets, will they pad their hours so they can get a bit more money?
Behaviors like this often start early, such as kids taking more than their fair share from a public candy bowl at Halloween, or cheating from friends’ tests when the substitute teacher leaves the room, and continue to escalate as they go through life unchecked. On the plus side, ethical behaviors can also begin early and extend into adulthood as well.
8. If they abandon their principles in times of crisis, or not.
We can tell a lot about a person’s integrity by how they behave in crisis situations. For example, a person who stands in front of someone they love if danger is approaching versus one who throws that loved one ahead of them and then runs for the hills. Similarly, if they were only able to find a bit of food, would they share it with those around them who are also hungry? Or keep it for themselves and pretend they never had it?
Many of us claim to be highly principled individuals, but it’s easy to be ethical when times are easy and peaceful, in the same way that it’s easy to maintain Zen-like calm when you’re relaxing at a temple rather than dealing with the aftermath of a hurricane.
Thankfully, the majority of individuals will never have their integrity tested by extreme duress. If we do, however, the choices we make in those moments will determine whether said integrity is stretched thin or holds fast.
Final thoughts…
It’s important to remember that integrity can always be improved — even repaired — once it has been damaged by questionable behaviors. The key to repairing it is twofold: to recognize what inspired the lapse to begin with, and to take real action to make amends for it.
Many of us have behaved poorly in times of great duress and desperation, but that doesn’t mean we’re damned forever as a result. There are always opportunities to repair and rebuild, as long as those efforts are sincere.
