If you ask a 20-year-old man what attributes he’s looking for in a life partner, it’s likely his answers will differ significantly from what a 45-year-old man will prioritize. Once we hit middle age, the traits and behaviors we appreciate in our partners are those that will stand the test of time. These are some of the main things we look for in the women we’d like to grow old with.
1. A great and well-rounded personality.
Many people place far too much emphasis on attractiveness and a primitive lifestyle when they’re younger, and then have absolutely nothing to offer themselves or others once they hit 40. In contrast, someone who has a magnetic personality is a pleasure to spend time with at any age.
Of course, what is magnetic to one person won’t be to another, but according to Psychology Today, the Big Five personality traits in particular heavily influence relationship satisfaction. And while opposites can, and do, attract, for relationship longevity, a middle-aged man is going to be looking for someone with traits that complement his, rather than someone with clashing personality traits that risk incompatibility.
Furthermore, far too many people base their entire personalities on their difficult life experiences or medical problems, which can be quite tiring (and neither does it benefit them). In contrast, a woman with a well-rounded disposition influenced by her many different facets is a joy to be around.
2. A sense of humor even in difficult times.
When things inevitably get difficult due to age-related issues (like challenging health issues, chronic pain, limited mobility, memory loss, and so on), having a partner who has a great sense of humor can make the difficulty a lot more bearable.
Additionally, UCLA Health tells us that there are numerous benefits to maintaining humor as we age. As such, having a partner with whom one can laugh on a regular basis will hopefully ensure that they’ll share many joyous years together in the future. After all, science confirms that couples who laugh together, stay together.
3. Shared lifestyle goals.
Opposites may attract initially, but once we hit midlife, we’d rather have solid compatibility with a person who shares our lifestyle goals. Peace and harmony are top priorities, so if partners aren’t on the same page, it can lead to discord and stress in the relationship.
A middle-aged man who is eager to retire to a beach in Gibraltar is unlikely to find harmony with a woman who’d like to spend her golden years skiing in Norway. A shared vision for the future will result in much greater happiness for both.
4. Compatible ideologies.
Similarly to the shared preferences mentioned above, having compatible ideologies is invaluable when choosing a life partner. While it’s great to have healthy debates and discussions on occasion, spending the rest of your life with someone whose beliefs, morals, and ethics are diametrically opposed to your own is excruciating.
Without compatible principles and beliefs, life becomes a daily battle instead of a pleasurable partnership. There are some things in a partnership that are non-negotiable and times when incompatibility is a deal breaker, and this is often one of them. This is why it’s so important to get to know someone well before committing to them for a long-term relationship or marriage.
5. Resilience and fortitude.
A person who gives up and runs away at the first sign of difficulty isn’t someone who’ll make a great long-term partner, especially as we age. Life can get seriously rough at times, and whether you’re dealing with health issues or climate catastrophes, you want to know that the woman you love has your back the same way you have hers.
Resilience isn’t something we’re born with, it’s developed when we face difficulty and overcome it. That doesn’t mean we don’t find it hard; we may even hit rock bottom before we get back up. But we do get back up. And a woman with this trait is a force to be reckoned with.
Observing how a person behaves in challenging situations like backcountry camping or overseas travel can offer great insights as to how they’ll be in their later years.
6. Composure and self-control.
We all experience difficulties at times, but how we choose to deal with them speaks volumes about who we are as people. Most middle-aged men would prefer a woman who can remain calm and composed in a crisis or stressful situation, rather than getting hysterical or lashing out in rage at everyone around her.
Self-control can also refer to temperance with regard to finances and such. A woman who spends wisely instead of impulsively and excessively is someone who can be trusted and depended upon.
7. Self-sufficiency.
Helplessness isn’t an attractive trait in anyone, and is even less appealing as we get on in years. By the time someone reaches middle age, unless they have needs or disabilities that prevent them from doing so, they should be capable of taking care of themselves and handling a wide variety of responsibilities, rather than weaponizing incompetence and expecting others to pander to them.
That’s not to say that each partner won’t have their own strengths and weaknesses, but one partner shouldn’t have to bear the load in a relationship. Middle-aged men look for women who are equal partners who will work alongside them, not ingénues who need to be carried and couldn’t boil water if their lives depended on it.
8. A kind heart.
There’s a massive difference between being “nice” and being kind. Niceness is superficial, whereas kindness comes from the heart. A woman who has empathy and compassion and does her best to make the world a better place is an absolute treasure to have at one’s side.
Although some younger people might find it trendy to be mean or elitist, middle-aged men generally have little patience for that. Instead, sincere kindness is one of the most beautiful traits we look for in our potential partners.
9. Capability in a variety of areas.
Having a wide variety of skills is an attractive trait for any partner to have, because that way, you can work with them on just about anything. You can cook together, work on creative projects as a team, and not have to explain the difference between chopping and mincing, or that a Phillips screwdriver isn’t a cocktail.
A capable partner is also attractive in middle age because you know that she can take over just about anything in the event of something like an extended hospital stay.
10. Similar appetites when it comes to hobbies and interests.
If one partner loves to watch sports and the other loves to go to museums or visit the opera, there are going to be conflicts. Most middle-aged men look for women who share a significant number of their interests so they have a “partner-in-crime” to do fun things with.
They’ll pair up with women who share their taste in food, their favorite TV series or movies, as well as hobbies. This way, they can go to raucous Renaissance Faires together, or spend their days reading together in silent, comfortable companionship.
11. Attraction and an ongoing intimate connection.
You two may not be frolicking quite as enthusiastically as you would have when you were 20, but hopefully, there’s still a fair bit of chemistry between you. You’re going to be staring at each other over the breakfast table for the next few decades, so it’s important that both of you enjoy the view!
Intimacy takes many different forms, but being with a person you’re attracted to on countless levels will make the rest of your life far sweeter than you could have ever imagined.
