We see countless images of people who have “glow-ups” in midlife, and most revolve around aesthetics. They’ll center around people who get mistaken for being in their 20s when they’re 40-plus, with emphasis on attractiveness and visibility.
In truth, glow-ups can take many forms and often include a combination of mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual evolution. Midlife is a perfect opportunity to rediscover and reinvent yourself on your own terms, and focusing on the inner qualities below can help you build a strong foundation for the direction in which you’re aiming to go.
1. Embrace who you are now, rather than clinging to a past version of you.
You aren’t the same person in midlife as you were at age 25. Although some core aspects still ring true, the experiences you’ve had and the growth you’ve undergone have changed many aspects of you on a fundamental level. To make the most of midlife, it’s important to get to know the amazing person you are now and embrace those changes with grace and compassion.
This new self-awareness also includes forgiving the past version of you for the misconceptions and transgressions of your youth. When I was in my twenties, I dressed like a pinup and looked down upon the “unfashionable” middle-aged women I saw at cafes I frequented.
In my mind (and my naivete), they had let themselves go and weren’t really enjoying life anymore. Now, I sit in cafes and read or do crossword puzzles, sporting decidedly unfashionable clothes, comfortable shoes, and undyed hair, and I understand the small joys those women were basking in. I realize they were actually aging beautifully.
I didn’t get it then, but I certainly do now, and I wish I could apologize to everyone I judged so flippantly.
2. Cultivate an idea of what health means to you as an individual.
What’s considered healthy in our middle years and beyond is quite different from what it was in our youth. Many of us were incredibly hard on ourselves in our first few decades, and focused on intense exercise, restrictive diets, potions, lotions, and other notions in order to remain as youthful and physically attractive as possible. As Radiohead reminds us, however, gravity always wins.
Aging is inevitable, but how we respond to it and work with this natural process will determine what kind of luminous health we’ll exude as we mature.
One way to become the best version of yourself in midlife is to cultivate body neutrality. Psychology Today tells us this is a powerful way of shifting our focus. Whereas the majority of health influencers fixate on looking the same at 50 as they did at 20, complete with ripped abs and line-free faces, some of the most radiant people are those who treat their bodies with loving kindness and compassion. They do what they can with what they have, and focus on the well-being they’re capable of achieving, on their own terms.
Find out for yourself what health looks like to you as an individual, and embrace it to the best of your ability.
3. Drop the performative masks and embrace your authenticity.
Many people move through life letting other people define their idea of happiness. They behave the way that others want them to be, rather than how they really are deep down. They’ll force smiles with people they despise, partake in activities that don’t interest them, and be accommodating instead of creating healthy boundaries, all the while wishing they were doing something different.
There are many reasons why people behave performatively rather than embracing their authenticity, ranging from social expectations that reward conformity to avoiding mockery by those who don’t share their interests.
But unfortunately, this keeps people from being able to enjoy pastimes and subjects that fuel their souls for the sake of making others happy. Think of all the time you have wasted over the years by doing things you disliked and neglecting things you loved, and aim to change that immediately.
4. Drum up the courage to try new things you’ve held yourself back from.
An astonishing number of people hold themselves back from doing things that fuel their souls because of fear: for some, it’s the fear of what others might think of them, while others fear the unknown, failure, disappointment, discomfort, or harm. Sadly, those who never get past their fears often feel regret for the rest of their lives because they never had the opportunity to try the things that would have meant the world to them.
Cultivate the courage to do the things that intimidate you or make you nervous. Wear a bathing suit to the beach so you can enjoy splashing around in the water and sunshine. Travel to that place you’ve always dreamed of, even if it’s by yourself. Enroll in that university degree course even if your peers will be less than half your age. (Here’s a tip: distance uni courses are ideal for this).
The only way you’re certain to fail is if you never try, and the self-confidence and delight you’ll cultivate by taking part in things that fulfill you will help you “glow up” like little else.
5. Work on developing enough self-respect to refuse to settle for things that aren’t worthy of you.
It’s always sad when older people lose their spouse or their job, and admit that they now feel a sense of freedom. Far too many people tolerate misery and mistreatment for years — even decades — because they settle for what’s “good enough”. Others might remain in less-than-ideal circumstances because they don’t think that they deserve better, or that this is the best they’ll ever be able to get.
It may take some time for you to truly recognize your worth, and you may need help from a therapist to get you there if you’ve been programmed to feel that you don’t “deserve” better. Once you wake up to the fact that you’re an amazing, beautiful soul who absolutely deserves the best that this life can offer you, refuse to accept anything (or anyone) that doesn’t bring value, joy, or kindness into your life.
6. Discover your purpose, so you can live in alignment with what matters to you.
Have you noticed that people who have a strong sense of purpose can’t help but radiate light? Those who live in alignment with their personal calling are some of the most joyful and driven folks you’ll ever meet, and their passions keep them motivated through even the toughest life challenges.
Many people’s life purpose changes in midlife and beyond, and that’s a good thing. If you haven’t yet found your life purpose (or purposes, since many people have more than one), take some time to do some soul searching. Once you find a cause or two that really matters to you, you’ll discover a newfound joie de vivre that may have been lacking in your life before.
Instead of plodding through your days as though existence were a punishment, you’ll look forward to every day you get to spend doing what you love. Few things make a person glow quite as much as doing what’s truly important to them and making a real difference in the world.
7. Nurture your own inner joy and wonder.
One of the most delightful scenes I have ever come across was when I stumbled upon a few Tibetan monks having deep, raucous belly laughs in a neighborhood park. They had been feeding some squirrels and were so delighted by the little ones’ ridiculous antics that they were doubled over with laughter. I couldn’t help but start chuckling along, and they invited me over to sit with them, share their tea, and laugh along with them.
Adulthood comes with so many responsibilities and obligations that many of us end up being weighed down and greyed out by them. The delight that we took in silly little things got smothered by stress, and any time we allowed ourselves to play and have fun, we felt guilty, like we should be doing something more important instead of being frivolous.
In reality, joy, wonder, and play are some of the most important things we can experience as human beings. And there is so much joy to be found in everyday life.. You weren’t put on this earth just to work and do laundry. Roast some marshmallows over a bonfire, put googly eyes on random objects, watch cool nature documentaries, etc. Prioritize whatever reignites your sense of wonder or fills your heart with joy.
Final thoughts…
When people talk about “glow-ups”, the main point of focus is on something that makes that person shine with inner light. This radiance happens naturally when people feel fulfilled; when they’re doing things that help them reach their full potential, and embracing their individuality.
By focusing on the inner qualities mentioned here, people can rekindle the inner fire that once burned brightly, but might have dimmed to a smolder because of life’s many stresses. Once lit, the warmth and light shine outwards, creating a glow that others can’t help but bask in.
