Authenticity has a cost associated with it that many people don’t realize. Social structures are disturbed when authentic people are too visible. Most of these social structures function because we all buy into them, for better or worse. People who don’t conform often face pushback and social pressure to adhere to the social norms.
Authentic people are choosing a different path, however. They choose individuality, what is right and true for them, and they stay that course. Conformity is often rewarded, even if the reward is something as simple as not being bothered, but they reject that in favor of being true to themself. Despite the cost, they choose to do these 7 things differently.
1. They make their decisions based on their personal values.
Most people will shift their views or quietly go along with the group to fit in. Not the authentic person. Instead, the authentic person will stay aligned with their core beliefs, whether it’s fashion, politics, or career. They choose based on what feels right in their heart rather than chasing what is currently popular.
There’s comfort in aligning yourself with what you understand to be good and right in the world. In fact, according to Dr. Palena R. Neale, aligning with your core values is directly related to good mental and emotional health.
There are a lot of things happening in the world that aren’t right, like social injustices, and the fact that many people are okay with it doesn’t make it right. It feels wrong to walk with the crowd when you know that the crowd is wrong, and it’s something authentic people simply won’t do.
2. They tell the truth, even when it’s uncomfortable.
It’s difficult to be an honest, truthful person in a world that thrives on lies and deception. Really, when you look around at everything going on with the legacy media and social media, there’s always someone working some agenda. In a time where “alternative facts” and “fake news” are threatening the integrity of information, to be a truth-teller and seeker is an act of rebellion.
It’s not even that the authentic person wants to rebel, it’s just that they appreciate the truth for what it is. They understand and believe so strongly in the truth that they are willing to accept whatever barbs come from living in the truth. It’s not easy and it’s not comfortable because the truth is often such a bitter pill to swallow that many prefer to accept the narratives.
3. They embrace their uniqueness instead of hiding it.
Quirks are what make us special. Every single person has unique, special things about them. However, society as a whole likes to ostracize and outcast people when they are just too quirky, or too unique. The authentic person may be considered an outsider because their quirkiness just doesn’t fit the acceptable social model.
Instead, they attract judgment, derision, and mocking because that’s what people do to try to enforce conformity in the group. Most people can’t handle authentic people because they stand proudly in their uniqueness. They love and embrace it just as much as they would anything else because they understand it’s necessary for them to be happy with themselves.
4. They choose meaningful relationships over popularity.
Instead of trying to be liked by everyone, they focus on making quality, meaningful connections with people where they can fully be themselves. There are too many people out there who expect you to live in a role of their own perception, or behave in a way that they approve of. The authentic person disregards these shallow people because they know their connection is likely to be fake.
Berkeley Executive Education informs us that authentic people value other authentic people because together they forge deep, meaningful relationships. And once you get a taste of that, then there really is no way to go back from it. Everything else just feels like a waste of time. You can either enjoy your time with other authentic people, or spend it trying to fit in with people that demand you to be different to accept you. It’s not a difficult choice.
5. They let integrity guide their career rather than opportunity.
There are a lot of paths to easy money if you have flexible morals. It’s easy to make a wrong decision, to choose the questionable path when there is a payday at the end of it. Still, authentic people care more about living in tune with their beliefs and values than what they’ll get out of it. They always choose to do the right thing, even if it’s not as personally beneficial. They are people of exceptional integrity.
It’s a hard thing to do if you haven’t really thought about what you’re doing and why you’re doing it. Many of us just get so swept up in doing what we need to do to make a living that it becomes acceptable to just do whatever. That, however, is not the right thing to do.
I know I personally made this mistake when I first started working as a writer. I did a lot of work that I wouldn’t consider ethical today because it wasn’t as honest as it should have been. I realize that says a lot about my moral compass and character, but it was a mistake I made because I was more concerned with the paycheck than I was with doing what was right.
Today? Today, I’d turn those jobs down and live off instant noodles for a while instead.
6. They’re consistent in public and private.
Authentic people don’t tend to wear masks. What you see is what you get, and they are generally consistent people whether at work, online, or in their regular social circles. Consistency is so important for authentic relationships because you can’t be truly appreciated unless someone knows who you actually are.
The people who wear masks in life and neglect their authentic selves are setting themselves up for loneliness and isolation because other people don’t get to see who they actually are. Instead, they may become valued for qualities that don’t matter or may be against their personal beliefs. They end up feeling fake and living a life that’s not theirs.
7. They tolerate discomfort for the truth.
To be authentic means to sometimes be misunderstood, judged, or even excluded. Social groups often punish the authentic person because they aren’t willing to just be silent or accept the status quo. Instead, they are willing to stand up, live in their truth and values, and let the consequences be damned.
Social ostracization is a small price to pay for the comfort of knowing that you stood on what you believe to be the truth. Of course, there are a lot of people out there who appreciate this. There are plenty of people that are just afraid to be the first person to speak up, so they stay silent. Unfortunately, that easy path is how so many wrongs are continuously perpetuated.
Final thoughts…
Authenticity is more challenging than you may realize. If you want to be more authentic, you need to be prepared for the difficulties that will come your way. You may find that your social circles change or that situations you were previously in are now intolerable. For example, if you find that the work you do no longer aligns with your values.
Though it is difficult externally, the internal struggle for an authentic person is worse. The authentic person knows that they will be unhappier if they are not true to themselves, despite the difficulties that will come.
And still, the authentic person chooses to live their truth as clearly as they can.
