Whenever an intense situation occurs, there’s inevitably at least one person who’s navigating it like they’re chilling at a picnic. Things could be flying all around them, people screaming or what have you, and they’re calmly surveying everything, taking stock, and doing what’s needed to sort things out.
How can these people remain so composed? Are they just wired this way, or have they worked hard to achieve this Zen-like demeanor? The answer is that many of them put the following behaviors into play on a regular basis.
1. They are aware of their triggers and ensure that they’re not activated.
Most people have triggers of some kind: words, phrases, sounds, or other experiences that can bring about an intense emotional response when encountered. Those who remain remarkably composed in any given situation aren’t people who don’t have any triggers at all; they’re fully aware of the things that set them off, and refuse to be triggered by them.
They recognize that they are responsible for their own emotions, and it’s their choice whether to react or respond to a situation. They choose the latter. Essentially, they’ve learned to be comfortable with discomfort and have a variety of coping mechanisms to keep their emotions and reactions reined in.
It’s the difference between someone who’s waiting for a bus in the dead of February, stamping their feet and complaining about how freezing they are, and the person beside them who also feels cold, but bears it with stoic grace.
2. They do a variety of activities to “heat sink” their emotions.
A lot of people try to shield their kids from experiencing difficulties so they don’t have to suffer through any hardships. This does them an immense disservice, as it’s only through hardship that we develop coping strategies to regulate and “heat sink” our emotions. A lot of people struggle with this in their youth, so it’s important to learn how to develop this control as early as possible. Without these valuable lessons, some people simply never master emotion regulation.
The techniques I taught myself were either cheap or entirely free, and consisted of breathing techniques/meditation, mental exercises (like the quick five-senses grounding meditation), and bodywork like calisthenics and weight training to move intense emotion out of the body. By regularly putting all of these activities into action, I can maintain my calmness and composure even in seriously dire circumstances.
3. They relate to things in context.
It’s important to remember that everything is contextual. Those who fly off the handle and react explosively to situations often fail to see things in context. They become reactionary to their assumptions about what’s going on, based on a snippet that colors their perspective. In contrast, those who stay remarkably composed take time to analyze a situation contextually, and then determine how to respond to it.
Furthermore, they’ve usually experienced enough in life to realize that losing one’s head over an issue achieves nothing positive. Children have the luxury of losing their tempers or panicking at the slightest provocation because they haven’t lived long enough to understand how things can change depending on context. But capable, emotionally mature adults do not have that luxury.
It doesn’t matter how successful or capable someone thinks they are: if they cannot keep their head on their shoulders in times of crisis, they’re going to lose other people’s respect — and even their trust — when emergencies arise.
4. They keep their composure by envisioning their responses to various situations.
If you’ve ever psyched yourself up to keep your cool on a date instead of acting nervous, or to not cry sentimentally at a big event, you have an idea of how this works. It’s a personal programming behavior in which someone envisions being in a situation, and then “sees” themselves behaving the way they’d like to.
For example, many Olympic athletes run through their performance mentally before a competition and decide how they’re going to respond to potential obstacles, falls, etc. It’s a technique that anyone can use by envisaging a crisis or difficulty and imagining themselves behaving efficiently, without panic.
5. They run through basic life skill reminders.
Another oft-overlooked behaviour of those who remain perpetually composed is running through skills they learned a long time ago and may be a little rusty at. Keeping these skills (or even knowledge of these skills) fresh in one’s mind means they can use them almost effortlessly if they’re ever needed.
These things can include car maintenance, self-defense, home repair, plant identification, food preparation and storage, or any other number of things that quickly become a priority in difficult situations.
Furthermore, not only do they think about these things and practice them, but composed people often teach them to others to keep the knowledge fresh. These practices are a living reminder of one’s capability, and those who are capable don’t get flustered.
6. They focus on what is, not what might be.
Instead of overlaying a situation with all the potential, crisis-laden outcomes, people who stay remarkably composed analyze what’s unfolding and remain open and adaptable to it. It’s impossible to anticipate what the trickle-down effect will be from any given situation, so it’s best to deal with the present moment and the reality of what’s occurring, rather than the imaginary expectations of what might unfold.
Here’s an example: let’s say someone’s house is on fire. Someone who remains composed will get everyone outside to safety, call emergency services, analyze the safety options of grabbing some essentials versus remaining outdoors, and act accordingly. Meanwhile, another person might freak out about what their insurance company will do, how they’ll need to replace everything if the house burns to the ground, and so on. Those things haven’t happened yet, so there’s no need to lose composure about them, and doing so is only going to cause panic.
7. They cultivate stillness: both for themselves and those around them.
Remaining the eye of the hurricane whenever the SHTF means that not only do they remain capable of handling whatever unfolds for their own benefit, but will also make them the pillar of security and safety for those around them.
Most of us have witnessed situations in which something might have gone very wrong, but parents maintained strength and stoicism to reassure their children. Those kids look to their parents for cues, and if mom and dad remain calm and say that it’s all going to be okay, they can relax and know that it will be. This also extends to community members and anyone else who’s feeling fragile: the calm, composed person reassures them that this isn’t the end of the world, so they’re encouraged to keep on keeping on.
8. They stay busy.
Depending on individual personality and situational demand, taking the opposite approach to stillness may come in handy. For many people, keeping busy and doing what needs to be done is an excellent way of heat sinking their emotions so they can maintain composure, while simultaneously taking care of everyone around them.
We’ll use the fire situation as an example again. Let’s say a big fire tore through a neighborhood, and everyone was gathered together at the community center. The person whose composure hasn’t slipped at all will take charge of delegating tasks while also taking action themselves. They might assign someone to find blankets while they make sandwiches, or they’ll do a head count to make sure all are accounted for. Staying busy keeps unnecessary emotions at bay while getting important things done at the same time.
Final thoughts…
Being able to remain composed is a trait that makes an individual highly respected, valued, and even sought after. Think about it: would you rather have a partner, an employee, or a friend who falls apart or gets hysterical in difficult circumstances, or someone who keeps calm, uses critical thinking, and does what’s needed no matter what?
A person who has control over their emotions is someone who can be relied upon, and that’s a rare and treasured quality in this world.
